[queenofpanic]

Hi everyone

I have a situation - I'm sure its not altogether uncommon, but Im wondering if anyone has ever been in the particular tight spot in which I find myself, and if you've found a way around it......

Im extremely anxious all the time, and I have a list of phobias a mile long. At the very top of that list is a very severe phobia of all things having to do with the medical field - including medications. I have an appointment coming up to talk to someone about the possibility of going on something for my anxiety, but I cant imagine how to make that work. I can't see myself ever being able to take whatever meds are prescribed to me... unless I can find one that, on the list of possible side effects, says only "none". Then Id give it a shot. Maybe

Ive seen posts around the internet about this very dilema, but here's where I seem to diverge: I know lots of people try desperately to get over a medication phobia so they can take meds, but what if you dont want to get over your phobia? Im always baffled by peoples willingness to get past their phobias. Id be terrified to leave mine behind. As stressful as it can be to have so many fears and phobias always sending me into a panic, and that I need to constantly be watching out for and avoiding, the fact is that my phobias keep me safe. My medication phobia is the only thing standing between me and a long list of unbearable side effects that I am absolutely not willing to put up with.

So has anyone in my situation managed to resolve their problem by either finding a medication with only the possibility of minor-annoyance types of side effects (and I know some care and some dont, but weight gain is not minor to me. I wont take anything if it could cause even a fraction of a pound of weight gain), or by finding an alternative route, skipping meds entirely (and I dont do CBT either. Call it a fear, call it hatred - i think its both - either way, i avoid it like the plague)?

(sigh) reading that all as im writing it, I think I might just be screwed. Im keeping my fingers crossed that someone has been in my spot and found a way out though.....

Thanks!

[winter-blues]

Hey queenofpanic,

I was in your situation (sort of) years ago. I was terrified of taking medication and was sure that I would go crazy if I did. I was so sure, that I locked myself in my apartment and wouldn't leave. But I finally found the courage when I realized that I wanted for my life and that it wasn't to be stuck with a phobia. Phobias be way are just fears that arn't true. We make them up.

Anyhow, it took me some time to do it but I eventually did and in turned out to help me a lot. It will help to Doc whom you trust who will work with you and someone who understands what your fear is. For me it was just starting very small (the lowest possible dose) and working my way up from there.

Also if you don't have a therapist yet I recommend you find someone. Therapy will help you learn about panic, anxiety and phobias and who treatments can work for you.

I know this isn't exactly and answer to your post, but i've been in your position so I thought it might be useful to hear from someone who has been there too.

[queenofpanic]

Hi winter-blues. Thanks for your response!

I guess I left some things out of my original post - I've been on lots of different meds in the past. When I was a teenager I was on 29 different meds (over the course of 6 years. Not all at one time, of course). That's why Im afraid of them now. Because Ive been forced to be on them, Ive experienced all the horrible side effects, and Im not willing to go through that again.

You may be right, that phobias are sometimes based on something that is untrue, but sometimes they are based in fact, and they are not made up at all. My phobia is based on something that is 100% true. Meds do cause side effects. Im not imagining it or anything like that, so I cant talk myself out of being afraid of something that is a very real threat, and that I know for a fact will effect me terribly, because Ive already been through it in the past.

Thankfully, I do have a therapist (imagine how messed up Id be if I didnt...This is me when in treatment. haha). That's actually why Im looking into meds now. She's the one who suggested maybe looking into the possibility of trying meds again. She knows how scared I am of side effects and how traumatizing it was to have all those chemicals forced into me for so long, so shes not pushing it too hard. She says I can give it a try or not, and if Im afraid meds will just make things worse for me, then I can say no...Truth be told, I really dont want to even consider it. Normally, Id get panicky at the mere suggestion of meds (and I am), but Id like to give it a try if possible, as sort of a thank you to her for being cool about it and not forcing the issue. I'm sure its hard for her to deal with someone whos so riddled with phobias, but who wont do CBT or go on meds. Id like to make it easier for her to put up with me. It kills me to know how frustrated she must be with me, but I just dont want to suffer with any side effects and the resulting increase in my anxiety levels, just to make myself more likeable to her either.

Im walking a fine line here trying to find something that might work for both of us. Anyway, thats the whole story :-)

Thanks again for your reply!

I think maybe borrowing a page or two out of CBT might be helpful. Do a little homework like making lists. Advantages For and Againsst or my favourite Evidence For/Against. Reasons To Vs Not To is also a helpful list.

[queenofpanic]

That's interesting. I am a habitual list-maker.

So like reasons to take meds vs reasons not to? Like a pros/cons type of thing? Would I be looking for the largest number of things on each list, or the most influential arguments on each? Cause if "side effects" are on the list against taking meds, even if that's the only thing on it, then Id have to stick with not taking them, no matter what might be on the opposite list. . . hmmmm, and if im looking to see which list is longer, listing all the side effects I wouldnt be willing to suffer through would probably make the "against" list much longer.....

I'll try it though, and see how it comes out. Thanks!