[GaterVaret]

Sorry if this is a little confusing and a ltitle much. I'm not the greatest at expressing my thoughts and I've never done this before. I'll just cut to it. I over think things. Alot. Always have ever since I was in high school that I can remember (I'm 22 btw). I've developed habits which started as going out of my way to not touch things that others have touched (door nobs, remotes, etc) and washing my hands constantly and alot of other things. Now I'm basically terrified all day except when I'm at home which I still do small things like wash my hands and whatnot. I've become scared to drive. When I back out I'm always worried there's someone back there and keep looking in the mirror, sometimes in the mornings when it's dark I'll actually get out and look, then survey the speedbumps as I drive out of the parking lot. I feel more worried when I'm driving sometimes because it's like I feel like I'm panicking while I'm driving and maybe I shouldn't be behind the wheel. My biggest problem though right now and the reason why I'm posting is how it's affecting me at work. I work at a warehouse and I load 53 ft trailers with a forklift. Sometimes people walk past the doors that people are loading (the people there are ignorant and don't care) and my biggest fear is that I'm going to run into someone when I put a pallet on. I'll keep looking around the pallet as I go to put it on. I keep getting off and looking to see if someone's behind it. Alot of times I'll pull the pallet back off and look over and over again till I feel comfortable enough with it. I'll look and see nothing and still worry that somethings there. It's like I know it's ridiculous but I can't help it. While doing this my heart rate gets faster and I can't breathe. I feel like my vision gets blurry and i get exhausted. It gets worse as the day goes on. It really slows me down and everyone thinks I'm just lazy or a bad worker. I think some people even think I'm on drugs. My boss is always mad at me. It sucks because I really do care about being a good worker. Its frustrating. Every day is hard. I want to get help but I don't have any money and I'm not sure what to do. I'm sorry this is so much.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Wow that sounds like a huge weight on you. I'm so sorry. But to answer your question, I'm no doctor but it does sound like OCD tendencies and anxiety. Do you have insurance to see a pdoc? If not then is there a community type clinic that will see you and maybe get therapy? I've either had no insurance or state insurance and I go to a place that accommodates to people that are mostly low income. The docs aren't the best but it's something at least. I know enough about meds at this point where I'm using terminology that's above pdocs head even lol. And you say you drive a fork lift so I'm guessing a anxiety med such as a benzo is out of the question. I think you have a lot of work and research to do in order to find the help you need. There's places out there that will work with you, I'm just not sure if they're in your area.

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[GaterVaret]

I think have ocd (I'm not sure but I'm trying to find ways for an affordable doctor), but I definitely have some sort of anxiety going on with me. Right now my biggest fear is hurting people, which I guess wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't terrifying me day in and day out. I load 53 foot trailers with a forklift for a living. People always walk past the doors to the trailers. I'm scared that someones going to walk out in front of the door when I go to put the pallet (which I can't see around) on the truck. Every time I put one on I'll pull it back out and look on the truck, around and behind the pallet. Seeing nothing there but still worrying that there is. I'll start panicking and do that over and over until I finally just force my self to push it on. I do that for every pallet. It doesn't really make me feel better because I keep worrying afterwards but I can't help but to keep doing it. My boss and coworkers think I'm lazy and I wouldn't be surprised if I get fired. I spend most of my day with my heart beating profusely and I'm unable to breathe. My vision gets blurry. This happens sometimes when I drive as well and I keep looking in my rear view mirror worried that I ran over something. Then I worry that I did while looking in the mirror. I just want to get past this because its getting worse every day. It doesnt help that Im 22 living on my own and always broke. I think I'm depressed. I don't look forward to anything anymore. I've gotten bitter. I just want to go through a day without this. Sorry if this wasn't very well written. I don't write often.

[*Laurie*]

Hi, I'm not a medical professional, but I can tell you that what you've described is OCD.