[kk0124]

I feel relieved that someone out there understands what I am going through right now. I have tried to talk to my family but they just can't seem to understand why I keep having these thoughts and why I can't control them.

It all started about a month ago. My boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends when one of them brought up a negative subject about one of my friends. My boyfriend asked if I knew about this and I told him no. I had time to think about it and realized that I had lied. I felt so guilt that I started throwing up and had to tell him about it, about my past. We got into an argument about it and he started to not be able to trust me. Then I had to tell him about my past and all of the bad things that I had done.

After our argument we were fine. But then my mind strated over thinking and I started remembering things about my past that I hadn't told him. These thoughts made me have panic attacks and I had to tell him because I felt so guilty for remembering them and I felt like I had lied.

It's been over a month now and every week we have the same argument over and over again because I cannot keep these thoughts to myself. Even though I know that he doesn't want to know and doesn't need to know, I feel like I have to tell him. I keep hurting him over and over and my relationship is about to end because of it.

I feel like I'm at the point now where I am making things up in my own head or making myself thing things that I normally wouldn't and then I starting to feel guilty that I even thought about these thing in the first place. This then causes me to tell my boyfriend and we continue to fight.

I don't know what to do or how to fix it and I am really scared. I am currently on a low dose medicine but it isn't working. I don't have money to see a therapist and my insurance doesn't cover it.

I just need help and don't know how to get it. Does anyone have any advice or is anyone going through something similar?

[Skeezyks]

Hello kk0124: I'm sorry you are having this difficulty. Of course, seeing a therapist would be great. But, if you can't, there can be a lot of support here on PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[posterestante]

I'm here with you if you need

What's usually happenning when those thoughts come to you? Can you find any patterns?

[kk0124]

Originally Posted by posterestante

I'm here with you if you need

What's usually happenning when those thoughts come to you? Can you find any patterns?

I usually get very nauseous, my heart drops to my stomach and I get very hot and light headed. Then I feel like I have to tell my boyfriend what I'm thinking about.

[posterestante]

Originally Posted by kk0124

I usually get very nauseous, my heart drops to my stomach and I get very hot and light headed. Then I feel like I have to tell my boyfriend what I'm thinking about.

What I meant isn't there any similar situation that triggers these thoughts? Like being stressed by something or you failed at doing sth, this kind of stuff?