[Keane]

Hey,
I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar and how can i get over it.

Basically my mum has always had a tendency to drink a lot when things are bad.
She had periods when she's drink lots at night, and others when she'd just get drunk at summer parties, vomiting.
This made me have emetophobia and a phobia of drunk people. Maybe because it was just her and me alone at home.

Anyway, she had another period of drinking lots in 2015-2016. She'd drink a lot at night, but not "too" much. It was very stressful but ok i guess. Her body wasn't addicted, just her mind.

One night in march, she drank 1.5 bottles of rosé wine, and I heard her puke. Since then I feel like it all became so much worse. For like a month I was very anxious, I kept hearing that sound of her puking, and dreaming of her drunk etc.
Anyway, I then managed to make her stop drinking.

But not long after she began drinking a couple of beers every now and then. And whenever she does, I have a panic attack, I feel so phobic, helpless and angry, and it makes me hate her. When she drinks a little more I can't help but want to cry and I hate it.

What can I do?
We've already talked about it, she says she shouldn't have to adapt herself to me, and I need to get a hold of myself and stop being so paranoid, now being an adult (19).

Each memory I have of her drunk or vomiting is clear and vivid. Thinking about them makes me super anxious and want to cry, but also angry. I don't know what I'm scared of, probably that I feel like once she's drunk alcohol, even just a couple of beers, it's not my mum anymore, it's some other unpredictable person.

I feel like I just can't take it anymore. Even though I know it's all stupid, it's not as if she was an actual alcoholic or anything...

[Skeezyks]

Hello Keane: Well... as an older person myself, I would have to agree with your mom when she says she shouldn't have to adapt herself to you. She's old enough to make up her own mind with regard to how she wants to live her life. It is a good thing that she's now only drinking a couple of beers now-&-then. Hopefully she will be able to keep her drinking under control.

On the other hand... just getting ahold of yourself, & stopping "being so paranoid", is easy for her to say especially when this has, apparently, been going on for a number of years. Unfortunately, you are left to deal with what this has done to you.

I presume you & your mom still live together. At some point you may simply have to figure out a way to get out on your own so that you can put some distance between yourself & your mom's choices. And, beyond that, you may want to seek some therapy services for yourself (assuming you don't already have them) to help you deal with the emotional damage your mom's former drinking did to you. It's not "all stupid".

[Unrigged64072835]

It sounds like you have some trauma over your mother's drinking. I have some of that too, though it's been a long time since I lived with my mother.

I agree with the Skeezyks: you need to start looking out for your own well-being. Your mother isn't going to change, so you need to move on without her if possible. At least get help with the flashbacks.

[handheart]

Well its bad for you because your mom its the problem and not you but the bad thing its that affect you also a lot .You must help her first by convice her to accept specialized help or you could leave her and move on but i ddont think you want to do that

[autumn15]

Hi Keane,

You are not alone. I experience the same feelings over my mothers drinking habit.

She becomes a totally different person as soon as she has a couple of drinks. She becomes moody, snappy, rude, hurtful and acts in a very grandiose way. She talks incessantly about the past and about negative things she has had to endure. She becomes the centre of the universe. I hardly bother opening my mouth when she's drinking.

I get very irritated, upset, anxious, furious (I go through many emotions) when I am with her or even talking on the phone with her when she's drinking. It can become very debilitating to me at times. I usually wind up in tears when I finally escape the situation.

The best advice I can offer you is to remind yourself constantly that your mother is making her own choices. It is outside of your control and you are not responsible for her behaviour. It's so difficult being a bystander when a loved one is on this path.

It's very important that you take care of yourself, check in with how you are feeling when she starts drinking and try your very best to separate yourself from her behaviour. If you have a close friend you trust to talk to about this, just to get it out of your head, it would be very helpful. Otherwise consider seeing a counsellor. It can be very liberating to speak with someone who can be objective about the hard things you are dealing with. Having a good support base can make a big difference to the struggle.

Xo

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