[BrainFreeze]

If you have fear of intimacy issues or have had a relationship with someone who does, would you mind offering any thoughts or suggestions?

I was dating someone who I came to realize has a fear of intimacy. I wonder if he's always had some form of it, but he was in a six year relationship that ended over a year ago, and I think this caused him some trauma.

Things were going so well. He told me I really understood him and that I was perfect for him. When we got really close, he sharply pulled back. He was hesitant all along, but I didn't quite know why. When he pulled back, I inquired, and he told me he thought of how well we were doing and how we would get closer and he thought WAY ahead to how we would break up because that is how it always goes, and he had an anxiety attack. He sounded so scared. I didn't understand it. I assumed he wasn't over his ex or that he didn't really like me, but over time, I've come to understand it had nothing to do with either of those. I think he cared a lot about me, but his fear was so great, it didn't matter how perfect I was for him.

After he told me, he slowly withdrew. It was very painful and confusing. He told me it pained him to know he couldn't give me what I deserved. I found out he was dating (women he couldn't get close to) (and he lied about it), and I assumed the worst and told him how I knew and how I couldn't keep someone in my life who lied. He got mad. We haven't spoken since. That was two months ago. I have tried gently reaching out. I told him I regret what happened. I have texted him three times with no response.

Our only "contact" is that he likes my pictures on social media. I know that he really does want to be close to someone again. I know he is doing better now than he was when he pulled back from me. I miss him dearly and would like to talk to him again, but I fear I broke his trust (I guess that is the biggest fear of someone with these issues). I don't know why he won't respond at all. I'm really okay being friends with him, if he is still scared.

Any thoughts as to how I can reestablish contact with him again?

[handheart]

Well you are right maybe his ex create a big trauma in him and her brain and thats way its so affected .You should try to have patience with hym and to understand that anxiety its not a easy desease

[Lauliza]

I'm a little confused about why he wouldn't trust you. Does it have to do with how you found out that he was dating another person?

When people don't respond to texts and you know for sure they read them, then they don't want to communicate with you. The more you text the more likely he is to ignore or even block you, so I would stop.

If he won't respond to your texts but will like social media posts, maybe you reach out that way? You could share something with him that you think he might find funny or interesting. Also comment on his photos and/or posts and see if he responds to that. Otherwise I think you have to just let it go and see if he reaches out..

[BrainFreeze]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

I'm a little confused about why he wouldn't trust you. Does it have to do with how you found out that he was dating another person?

When people don't respond to texts and you know for sure they read them, then they don't want to communicate with you. The more you text the more likely he is to ignore or even block you, so I would stop.

If he won't respond to your texts but will like social media posts, maybe you reach out that way? You could share something with him that you think he might find funny or interesting. Also comment on his photos and/or posts and see if he responds to that. Otherwise I think you have to just let it go and see if he reaches out..

Regarding the trust, I mean that I cut him off (because of how he lied). I didn't know how to deal with it at the time.

The way I have reached out over the past almost two months is one email in which I said I should have better listened to him and had compassion on him, then three texts. They have all been spaced apart. They have been easy going and light/funny. He continues to like my posts on occasion. I have kept my emotions at bay with help from others and been very calm and patient with how I have sent him messages. I don't feel that I've been pushy at all.

I did make one comment on one of his pictures...a pun, which was something he and I would exchange back and forth. He didn't respond.

I don't mind waiting...if he is still afraid. I guess I just fear, even if he is ready, he will be afraid that he hurt me too much to reach out. I kind of dumped emotions ("why would you do this to me??" kind of stuff) on him the last time we spoke. I have since taken time and composed myself. I don't feel like that was so damaging that he wouldn't respond, but I just have no idea.

[BrainFreeze]

Originally Posted by handheart

Well you are right maybe his ex create a big trauma in him and her brain and thats way its so affected .You should try to have patience with hym and to understand that anxiety its not a easy desease

She did. Or it did. I do understand it so much better now. But I have NO idea where he is at without him answering me....even to say he is still scared or that he doesn't want to communicate...anything.