[autumn15]

Hi everyone,

I need to vent my frustrations. Its Christmas in a couple of weeks and its at this time each year when my anxiety levels heighten. I used to love Christmas growing up but as an adult with my parents to please as well as my in laws to please, it just becomes a stressful affair.

My husband has large extended families on both his mother and fathers side and they like to get together every year for Christmas (ie. 2 separate large get togethers). We also have a third get together just the close family (us, my parents in law & siblings in-laws). I think its nice that his family are all so close and make the effort but the problem is that each and every year, they just tell us when and where to go and we are expected to be there no matter what, no excuses, can't even be late or leave early. THey always plan these things either on Christmas or Boxing day too. I wish they would organise to do it earlier or later so its not so hectic.

When it comes to my family and catching up with them for Christmas, I am expected to just fit them around what my in-laws decide to do. Last year, my mother-in-law decided to actually speak to my mother and tell her what they had planned and offered alternative times that my parents could spend with my husband and I. I was mortified that she did that and it didn't go down very well with my parents. Cringe! She meant well by giving Mum the heads up but she honestly doesn't see how pushy that is!

I really love my in-laws but sometimes they forget that they aren't the centre of the universe and they expect far too much. It makes me feel like they don't really value me or my family either. I'm sick of feeling guilty, nervous and stressed when to me this time of year should be about showing how much you care about your loved ones.

The thought of putting my foot down with my in-laws makes me want to crawl inside a hole and stay there. There's a lot of extended in-laws and they are all extremely opinionated and intrusive and love to whinge constantly when you step a foot wrong... Ho Ho freakin Ho!

Are you able to make up a tradition of your own. Perhaps instead of being torn between everyone's competing dinners and parties you could have one of your own - and invite both sides to attend. I do this on either the 21st (Yule) or Boxing Day. I make the event to be a pot luck open house allowing people to come and go. It makes me feel so much less stressed about being unable to attend all the events my own family, ex family, and in-laws pull me back and forth for. There is also less pressure from them all to choose one over the other.

I say this because I myself was feeling such stress - and am terrified of controntation. This solution I suggest above really worked out positively; as, having already spent time with eveeryone, the expectations forced upon me for Christmas Day were significantly reduced.

[autumn15]

I do love that idea of an open house on boxing day! It sounds way less stressful for everyone involved. And I suppose giving everyone the choice to attend would be more meaningful when people show up as oppose to being forced to spend time together for a more than comfortable time frame lol.

Sounds like a great idea. Can't wait for the follow-up.