[AzulOscuro]

It was some weeks ago and it was my first. It was so horrible.
Today it happened two weeks since I found my dad dead on his bed. It was the most awful thing I lived before but I could cry, be sad, talk about what he used to say to me and things he did...but suddenly, without expecting I found such a terrible anguish. I couldn't appart from my mind his face when I was calling him. I was so nervous and scared.
Luckily, the doctor arrived a gave a valium shot to me.
I'm worried about having another attack. I suffer anxiety and I'm being treated for that but I never had a panic attack before.
What I'm working with meditation didn't help me. I couldn't focus on anything else but the bad I was feeling and trying to look for a solution in vain.
What would you do in these cases?

[Skeezyks]

Hello AzulOscuro: My condolences on the loss of your father. Finding him must have been very difficult for you. I don't know if you're on regular psych med's at this point. My recollection is that you were thinking about getting off of them a while back. If you're not on any med's at this point, perhaps that's something you should consider... at least for a while.

Beyond that perhaps some grief counseling would be appropriate in this situation. It's going to take some time for you to get over the loss of your father, especially since you were the one who found him. Having the opportunity to talk what you are feeling through with a professional who is knowledgeable regarding the grieving process might be helpful.

You wrote that meditation didn't help because you couldn't focus on anything. At least from the perspective of the tradition I come from, meditation & concentration are two different things. In the tradition I follow, we don't try to focus in on something in particular. We simply allow whatever comes up to be there... to watch it... to accept it with compassion... & allow it to fade at it's own pace. It's a very gently process... like touching a delicate flower with a feather, as it's described.

Of course, I realize that's just a "thumbnail sketch" with regard to the process. But the point is that, at least from my perspective, the ability to concentrate... or focus... is not the objective in meditation... at least not the way the tradition I follow practices it. I wonder if you have participated in any kind of meditation training sessions. If not, this might be something to consider at some point, when you feel up to it. Look for a program that offers training in what is often referred to as "insight meditation". I wish you well...

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello AzulOscuro: My condolences on the loss of your father. Finding him must have been very difficult for you. I don't know if you're on regular psych med's at this point. My recollection is that you were thinking about getting off of them a while back. If you're not on any med's at this point, perhaps that's something you should consider... at least for a while.

Beyond that perhaps some grief counseling would be appropriate in this situation. It's going to take some time for you to get over the loss of your father, especially since you were the one who found him. Having the opportunity to talk what you are feeling through with a professional who is knowledgeable regarding the grieving process might be helpful.

You wrote that meditation didn't help because you couldn't focus on anything. At least from the perspective of the tradition I come from, meditation & concentration are two different things. In the tradition I follow, we don't try to focus in on something in particular. We simply allow whatever comes up to be there... to watch it... to accept it with compassion... & allow it to fade at it's own pace. It's a very gently process... like touching a delicate flower with a feather, as it's described.

Of course, I realize that's just a "thumbnail sketch" with regard to the process. But the point is that, at least from my perspective, the ability to concentrate... or focus... is not the objective in meditation... at least not the way the tradition I follow practices it. I wonder if you have participated in any kind of meditation training sessions. If not, this might be something to consider at some point, when you feel up to it. Look for a program that offers training in what is often referred to as "insight meditation". I wish you well...

First of all, thank you very much for your condolences. And for your reply.
Yes, you remember very well. The idea is to get rid of any meds but I'm still on the process to get it. So, I have pretty confidence that therapy and meditation can help me to get this resolution.
I'm still to see my psychiatrist to talk with him about what else I can do in case of another panic attack apart from what my family doctor said to me. He suggested me to set a loracepam under my tongue.

I hear what you said about meditation. I'm still a naive in this subject and I tried all popped into my mind during the attack. It was the first time I had one.
Now, I'm working more seriously in meditation and you are right. There are some meditations schools that only consider meditation the part when you can't contemplate and receive whatever comes but there are others that accept as meditation, a previous stage of concentration.
I will follow your advise because I want to go deep down this field. I think that it can be very helpful.

Thanks a lot.

[Skeezyks]

I admit I'm prejudiced. But if you could get ahold of a copy of Pema Chödrön's book: Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living (Shambhala Publications, 1994), & if you read it & re-read it, worked with it, & took it to heart... I believe you find that which you seek... & more...

There are many, many "pretty" books... books full of lofty ideas & wonderful insights. But few, if any, offer the kind of practical, down-to-earth, day-to-day instructions on how to "get there" that Pema put into this book. One can't just read it, smile, & put it away though. Under those circumstances it's just another book. One has to read it & re-read it, over-&-over, underline passages, dog-ear pages, adopt the practices, until the book almost begins to fall apart! And if one does that, everything is possible...

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

I admit I'm prejudiced. But if you could get ahold of a copy of Pema Chödrön's book: Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living (Shambhala Publications, 1994), & if you read it & re-read it, worked with it, & took it to heart... I believe you find that which you seek... & more...

There are many, many "pretty" books... books full of lofty ideas & wonderful insights. But few, if any, offer the kind of practical, down-to-earth, day-to-day instructions on how to "get there" that Pema put into this book. One can't just read it, smile, & put it away though. Under those circumstances it's just another book. One has to read it & re-read it, over-&-over, underline passages, dog-ear pages, adopt the practices, until the book almost begins to fall apart! And if one does that, everything is possible...

Thank you very much for your suggestion. I will get the book for two reasons: Your suggestion, you sound as you know very well what you're talking about.
You are also in the thing of meditation. So, I think you and me are in a similar flow. And on the second place, my psychologist put on the stress on the need I had to work on self compassion.

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry to hear about your dad.

I had a difficult extremely high anxiety in public recently. Worse, I was trapped on a bus so couldn't escape. It was all I could do to manage. In the end I looked at my reflection in the glass and concentrated on every part of the image until the shuttle had us back downtown.

Is this called mindfulness?

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Sorry to hear about your dad.

Thank you!
I feel better now. It's now a month and ten days. I can recall him now without feeling such a sadness as before. Someway I made him a promise after giving him my last goodbye. I'm trying to be a better person for him. That gives me some kind of consolation.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I had a difficult extremely high anxiety in public recently. Worse, I was trapped on a bus so couldn't escape. It was all I could do to manage. In the end I looked at my reflection in the glass and concentrated on every part of the image until the shuttle had us back downtown.

Is this called mindfulness?

For me, it is. But I'm only a naive.
What you did is foccusing on the present moment with the help of visualization. The parts of your own reflection. I usually foccus myself on noises and breathing.
Someway, it helps to get a calm moment and let any thought that pops into your mind pass away.