[BlueMerleGirl]

I just started a new job six months ago in a new place, I was laid off while on maternity leave as crazy as that sounds. Anyway, i have had mixed experiences with work in the past. I was at my last job for five years and had multiple bosses. Some loved me and some hated me. Before that job I was in a PhD program in hard sciences and that went awful, and I left with a masters.

Anyway, my new job is going fine but they are doing some restructuring and while I didn't exactly get a promotion, I got a title change. They made it clear they are expecting some sort of leadership in my role, and they are confident I can do it. But I'm really not. I know I'm not stupid, but working for so long with extremely smart people has made me question my intelligence. I have a hard time being confident in my abilities even though a lot of people think I am very capable. I think a lot of my confidence was lost in my awful graduate program and I haven't gotten it back.

I just don't know how to be confident. I am very humble which I think is a good thing in some ways but for me it also means I don't believe in myself enough. I know deep down I want to advance in my job but I am afraid. At my last job my boss I had when I left was satisfied with my performance but he always thought I was underperforming in the sense that I was capable of doing more advanced things but I just didn't do it. He really liked me and was a great mentor... and I think he was right. It's like I didn't want to advance because I didn't want more to deal with and I didn't want to fail.

Any input is appreciated. Thanks

[Skeezyks]

Hello BlueMerleGirl: Thanks for sharing your concern. I don't know as I really have much to offer with regard to this. But I saw no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

I don't know how one conquers the type of fear you describe other than to just keep plugging away, doing your best. Over time, if you can begin to put together a string of little successes, these may gradually help you to see you really are the confident, capable person you believe you can be. It's sort-of like the old saying: "nothing succeeds like success." Of course, talking what you are feeling through, over time, with a counselor or therapist may help too.

Beyond that, there is a book I always like to recommend when people have vocation-related concerns. It is: Let You Life Speak- Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker J. Palmer, Jossey-Bass, 2000. It is a very wise & wonderful little book on discovering your path in life. (Reading this book is how the Skeezyks became a "wise old troll".) I wish you well...

[BlueMerleGirl]

Thanks for your reply. I have been feeling a little better about it the last few days but I think getting a therapist would be a good idea. I used to have one but I'm in a new area now.