I've suffered from severe IBS for years. Today, just before I was leaving home to go to therapy, my stomach got really upset. I even thought about cancelling my appointment, but I really wanted to attend, so I thought I'd at least try. I walked to the train station thinking I could always turn back if I started to feel really awful.

I got on the train and went straight to the restroom. I wasn't able to go but stayed there for a while trying to calm myself. Then I got out and stayed near the door.

As we came to a larger city, I wondered whether I should go back into the restroom 'just in case', thinking if lots of people got onboard, someone might go in there and then what would I do if I needed to go. I didn't go in, however.. Then the moment someone did, I started to panic.

I felt like I was going to faint. I honestly felt I needed to go then and there, and that it wasn't all in my head.. I crossed my legs a few times trying to hold stuff in, embarrassed as hell, panicking more and more.. In the end, I just had to go and knock on the restroom door. I was SO embarrassed to bother the guy in there, but I didn't have any choice. Thankfully, he came out almost immediately and I spent the rest of the journey in the restroom heaving like I was having some sort of attack.. I didn't even use the restroom, just needed to get out of sight of all those people to pull myself together!

Coming back home was almost as bad.. I spent most of the journey in the restroom, SO embarrassed I was keeping it from anyone else who might need to use it, but I just couldn't take the risk it'd be occupied again if I needed it.. Then I even got off before my stop because I just couldn't take the anxiety, pressure and embarrassement and feeling guilty anymore. I went to a couple of shops and took a later train home. Awful!!

Now I'm dreading having to take the train again in a couple of days and next week..!!

[*Laurie*]

Have you spoken with your doctor about your IBS struggle? There are helpful meds for IBS.

Thank you so much for your reply, *Laurie*!

I've seen lots of doctors and they've done all the tests, all have come back negative. They haven't really prescribed that many meds, just told me to try fiber supplements (with awful results) and an antispasmodic which didn't really do anything for me. I've used Imodium myself but it doesn't seem to be working that well anymore - the more nervous I get, the less it helps. Docs have told me they could prescribe anti-depressants which I haven't wanted to take, but now I'm thinking maybe I should..

[*Laurie*]

My experience with IBS has been that an anti-depressant is very helpful.

[justxholdon]

Oh my gosh. My heart goes out to you. It's such a hard thing to explain to people around you the desperation that kicks in when a bathroom isn't available. I empathize entirely. I know where every bathroom is in every business I frequent. I plan extra time before appointments of any kind, knowing I'll lose time in the bathroom before (and then beat myself up after like, gee, what were you so worked up about but that's another story).

I've found antidepressants like the others have helped too. I think it takes the edge off the panic and it doesn't get quite so bad. Most of the time. I still carry immodium around with me everywhere I go, in several different places, I'd also found that preemptively taking it before appointments seemed to help too. Like I have a safety net in place so it makes me breathe a little easier.

I just, I'm so shocked someone else experiences this too.