[Mustkeepjob32]

Hello all,

As you can see from my username, I've been dealing with issues for a long longer than just recently.
About March 1 and later, I was dealing with family stuff and missed work and while my manager of my unit in the hospital has been understanding, I can't keep missing. Every day I'm scheduled I have full intention of going and then something happens. I don't know if it's anxiety, habit, or what but I call and take my self off the schedule for that night.
I live in an apartment that my agency pays for which makes it even worse. I've been here for 1.5+ months without going to work and they've been letting me live here. The agency is asking me almost every day if I've gone to work because I imagine they're getting really worried. I don't want to lose this job but I don't know what I can do.
My partner with whom I have a rocky relationship says I'm thief due to living here without working. He also tells I'm just simply lazy. Could it be??? He always calls my family when I don't go to work upsetting my elderly parents.
I can see a psychiatrist but not until May. I've been stable on meds for years I just don't know what's going on. It's like I missed so much that now being able to go back and face it is almost this insurmountable task. I think that once I do it I'll be better. I just feel lost. I don't want to lose this job, have to leave this house and move back to California and lose a big chunk of my possessions AGAIN...
How do I change it so that I can stop this pattern and GO to work?
Please help!

I have had issues with work attendance in the past. I find with anxiety, the more you miss work, the harder it is to get back in the saddle, so to speak. A few possibilities come to mind:

1. Adopt the Nike slogan and "Just do it". Easier said than done, I know...but once we take that first step (whether going to work after missing for a long time, or leaving the house after staying inside for a long while) it becomes easier. It's always GETTING to work that seems to be the most challenging part.
2. Consider the fact that you are simply not able to work. I present this option with the assumption that you've already tried number 1. If you just can't cut it at work and are mentally unable to do it, please be kind and gentle with yourself. Apply for disability if needed. Missing 1.5+ months of work is a large chunk and frankly, most places would have let you go by now. So I suggest figuring out the situation, and whether or not you can work as soon as possible. Your employers deserve to know either way, and they seem to have been very patient.
3. Ask for less hours. I know that I personally cannot work full-time at this point, and even the thought of it overwhelms me. But 15 hours a week? I can do that. Maybe you would be OK with working if you could just go part-time. There is no shame in that!

I wish you the best of luck in figuring things out.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

I have had issues with work attendance in the past. I find with anxiety, the more you miss work, the harder it is to get back in the saddle, so to speak. A few possibilities come to mind:

1. Adopt the Nike slogan and "Just do it". Easier said than done, I know...but once we take that first step (whether going to work after missing for a long time, or leaving the house after staying inside for a long while) it becomes easier. It's always GETTING to work that seems to be the most challenging part.
2. Consider the fact that you are simply not able to work. I present this option with the assumption that you've already tried number 1. If you just can't cut it at work and are mentally unable to do it, please be kind and gentle with yourself. Apply for disability if needed. Missing 1.5+ months of work is a large chunk and frankly, most places would have let you go by now. So I suggest figuring out the situation, and whether or not you can work as soon as possible. Your employers deserve to know either way, and they seem to have been very patient.
3. Ask for less hours. I know that I personally cannot work full-time at this point, and even the thought of it overwhelms me. But 15 hours a week? I can do that. Maybe you would be OK with working if you could just go part-time. There is no shame in that!

I wish you the best of luck in figuring things out.

I agree with scaredandconfused. Also be gentle with yourself and take baby steps. I've been in your position (except for the agency apartment) and I tried so desperately until I just couldn't do it anymore and had to face my reality. You're not alone. I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. I hope things work out for you.