How any times have we all heard that, "It could be worse..." What the heck is worse than hell?

"At least you're not depressed." "At least you're not in the hospital."

Really? Did you actually just say that? I shake my head in disgust; and frustration. They don't get it. Depression is getting a lot of airplay lately and more people consequently have a bit of an idea about it but completely lost on them is the notion of anxiety. I tell them it is more than just nerves more than a worry. It is fear I tell them; complete and abject fear.

I told someone, "You know that fear you have about the waters at the tropical beach? That you don't know what is lurking there? Imagine feeling that all day everyday."

But still they look at you quizzically and again say, "But it could be worse.."

[Outer 12]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

How any times have we all heard that, "It could be worse..." What the heck is worse than hell?

"At least you're not depressed." "At least you're not in the hospital."

Really? Did you actually just say that? I shake my head in disgust; and frustration. They don't get it. Depression is getting a lot of airplay lately and more people consequently have a bit of an idea about it but completely lost on them is the notion of anxiety. I tell them it is more than just nerves more than a worry. It is fear I tell them; complete and abject fear.

I told someone, "You know that fear you have about the waters at the tropical beach? That you don't know what is lurking there? Imagine feeling that all day everyday."

But still they look at you quizzically and again say, "But it could be worse.."

I suppose everything could be worse. But saying that doesn't make it better.

[childofchaos831]

What is worse than being terrified to leave the house, but knowing that you have no choice? How do you explain to someone that you are afraid of being in public? Not around people, some people are okay, good, safe... afraid of being in public. Gas stations, the grocery store, a doctor's office. How do you explain that to someone who has never felt that amount of fear, where the world itself is what is terrifying?

Thank you for posting this, it made me feel less alone. Like I said, it is not people for me, necessarily. I have places that I feel safe that are not my house, where I can be social, even with strangers. When I tell people I have "social anxiety" they don't get it... "but you are so easy to talk to and get along with, you can make anyone feel welcome." It's not really social anxiety, but what else do you call it?

[jacky8807]

I prefer even the blackest of depression to the Times I have had panic attack upon panic attack day in day out. Panic /anxiety is the worst.

[Unrigged64072835]

It could be better too, though. That's the thing. People discounting how one feels is a serious issue. Friends are supposed to support, not explain away.

[sunnydisposition]

Anxiety is fear in its most primitive form. It sets so deep in the bones that i cant shake that feeling of being in an imminent danger. How do i protect myself? thats the only thing that runs through my mind over and over and over all day long. No matter how much i think, i dont seem to find the answer to that question. Yet i cant stop thinking. coz Its a fight of thoughts and thinking is the only weapon i got to fight it ( or so mind choses to believe).

No one can truly, or even remotely begin to understand ( not even our doctors) what we really go through, unless they have felt it themselves. If they only knew, the strength it takes to survive the unending tragedy unfolding inside our broken heads..

[lotusblossom19]

Yep, even if it is technically true, I have never found that response to be helpful. Makes me feel like my very real and very relentless struggle is being trivialized, especially after I have taken the time to elaborate on the severity of the issue and that is all a person has to say to me. Like, can you try just a liiiiittle harder? I suppose some people won't ever really get it unless they really go through it, but I think there are alternative responses that can offer a little more comfort like, "wow, that sounds really tough. That can't be easy. I hear you." It can make a significant difference just to feel like your words are being given enough value to be received genuinely as they are presented, even if the person on the other end has never personally known your experience.

[Nike007]

I've been told that "at least you can do things" or "at least you get food and have a home" by my mother. I have been told stuff like this and it never helps.

[Entity06]

This is one of the most insensitive things to say and, ironically, it usually comes from people who, by their logic, should be told the same thing when they feel bad about something that, compared to anxiety and depression, is less distressing.

The reality is that, as sad as it sounds, we're each sort of used to the reality of our socio-economic condition and baseline level of health. So we all suffer an intense or less intense amount about different things, based on that default level we've been accustomed to. After all, we even each experience physical pain differently, so the same exact blow will feel differently depending on the person.

So saying others have it worse, to make you feel better and minimize your pain, is not only insensitive but possibly downright not true. How does anyone else know the way you experience pain as opposed to how someone else feels theirs? And why say such a thing in the first place when it would be a little malicious if the fact that someone else is presumably suffering worse than I am is something to make me feel better. It would imply someone else's suffering is something we're glad about.

My mom's always told me stuff like this. When I say I have anxiety ,that I've been severely deprived of my emotional needs for affection, intimacy and so on, when I talk about having been mocked and being gender non-conforming and how everything makes me hurt a lot, she will often go like yeah but at least you have a comfortable house and you've had enough money. Of course, missing those things as well would have added to it and made my life worse, but that doesn't mean I'm not suffering enough now or that I should feel guilty for my pain.

It's even easier, in my mind, to just say something positive and validating rather than doing this mental gymnastics.

[avlady]

I know what you mean, as I suffer from agoraphobia every day. I fear everything outside of the house. I don't like the way my husband drives but I have no other way to get to my doc appointments etc, shopping. one thing that does help is when we go shopping and I have a lot to spend. I love shopping and it doesn't make sence since I hate going any where else.

[PMAD]

I can't stand when people who have never had a true anxiety disorder or panic attack dare say the words"oh it makes me so anxious" about trivial things like a messy room or whatnot

I hate this response as well. I generally take it to mean they are trying to make me feel better, but it doesn't. It adds to my guilt over anxiety and/or depression. It's like saying I don't have a right to feel that way.

[BreakForTheLight]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

I prefer even the blackest of depression to the Times I have had panic attack upon panic attack day in day out. Panic /anxiety is the worst.

This. I've been really deep in depression and I never ever want to go there again, But if I could trade in this anxiety....... I'd consider it.

I finally received confirmation of what I have felt were my diagnoses. I suppose doctors and psychiatrists avoid labelling as a way of not making things worse by sending their patients into worry and hysteria. I've known full well I have bad Anxiety. My psychiatrist and I have discussed it but until yesterday he has never said "You have x, y, and z." The only diagnosis I was given for certain was Bipolar 1.

I needed a form filled out for a military disability pension and it was the first time I saw, written down on paper, the list of those disorders I have been diagnosed with - of which Anxiety is one.

I feel a sense of vindication. Now, when someone says "it could be worse" or "it's all in your head" I can say in response "no way, like hell it is".

[sunnydisposition]

I just remembered something. My best friend, i tell him about my attempted suicide, and he sympathizes. Offers comforting words. But every time after that when we talked and i brought up the challenges i face, he was like, "you went through the worst experience life has to offer, now you can face anything. the worst is over he would say. It just cant get any worse.

but he doesn't get it, does he? Not that i blame him. How can someone understand what they cant see, or havent experienced themselves. I know i wont. Even the kindest person might not be able to comfort us, or might actually end up offending us, until the ignorance about the ordeal of mental illness prevails, it will continue to remain so. the truth is, we 've been dealt a really ****** hand and we cant do much about it. But there is a silver lining, we've got each other. we understand and know exactly what all of us are going through or have went through. we have to be there for each other. only we can do that. They never will be able to do that. Not really.