Hello everyone, I'm an anxiety sufferer that is particularly distressed by social situations. I've gotten to the point where social situations are uncomfortable because of it. It's not just fear of rejection, I also feel uncomfortable for reasons I'm still trying to figure out when having long conversations. I feel anxious when people express too much warmth toward me, I feel like I have a low tolerance for warm and fuzzy feelings. I like companionship, but I can't handle too much of it. I guess the fear of rejection and the fear of both being, and being seen, as a people-pleaser are part of it. I also just don't like agreeing with people for the sake of pleasing them and getting them to like me, which I do all the time. Maybe fear and compromising my values is driving the discomfort with warmth. I don't like being someone I'm not and saying "I agree!" to avoid rejection. I guess I just want to be everyone's friend, I don't want to have any enemies. I want to get to a more healthy perspective on other people's acceptance of me, any tips?

[Unrigged64072835]

If you're not being yourself you're going to be uncomfortable. You need to love and like yourself first. People-pleasing is because you don't feel comfortable with yourself and then you try getting it from other people.

[CharcoalGray]

I'm no professional so can only give my personal, layman's perspective, but I found your post interesting. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Maybe not liking warm and fuzzy feelings is just your personality, which seems fine to me. But if it's interfering with your relationships, maybe it's something worth exploring further. Also, maybe rather than bluntly disagreeing with someone, you could try a more subtle approach by just adding your opinion while not specifically disagreeing with someone. To a certain extent, "people pleasing" can be a part of normal social interaction, I think. And it doesn't mean that you have to lie or be untrue to yourself. On the other hand, anything overboard is obviously unhealthy. Moderation is always key.

Also, you might want to try worrying about it less and just going with the flow ... maybe this could help with some of your angst.

If it's interfering too much with your relationships or if you feel you are too much of a "people pleaser", maybe a psychotherapist could be of some help.

Hope this might help in some small way. Sorry you're going through this...

I think tact will help, like you said. I guess I've seen too many online and real-life arguments get way out of hand and now I'm terrified of starting an argument by disagreeing. Political stuff is a real argument starter for sure lol. I try to avoid topics like that >.> And yeah I am kinda angsty, I worry about everything, including worrying too much lol. I think a psychotherapist could help