[circles5]

Just had another falling out with my mum...

I have pretty severe OCD, BDD and also health anxiety.
I found out my mum had put a spice in the meal (quite a lot of it) that i purchased from a fairly untrustworthy source.
I have explained multiple times not to use this spice as i found out it is quite likely that it is contaminated with a carcinogenic pollutant - often found in low quality versions of this spice from a particular region (where i bought it)

She got furious, and said 'how dare i not eat it just because theres something in it i don't trust - when kids are starving in africa.....'
I'm in my late twenties so i am pretty clued up about how much suffering is in the world - but that's not the point. It's my OCD that made me unable to eat another mouthful after i found out what she'd put in it.

And she knows very well how much distress and destruction my anxiety disorders cause to my life.... yet she seems happy to completely dismiss / park her understanding if it suits her.

The conversation went on to me wanting to order a pizza as there was no food at all in the house apart from what she cooked.
She then went on another attack saying; 'why can't i just go to the supermarket'.....
I retorted that i had been housebound for two weeks as i'm really struggling with BDD at the moment... She dismissed this saying; 'that i can go out if i want to, but i'm just being lazy'....

>
It just makes me despair and feel so angry when my mum - who is the only one in my family who remotely gives a **** about my well-being, and has even read a little bit about my conditions... - treats me with such willful ignorance.
She had been drinking , as she usually does - but about once a week she get's nasty like this...

I know i'm a burden on her, and i hate it - and i really am trying to get better but the odds are not in my favour. I have so many issues i have to manage, i get swept under.... My OCD, BDD, Health Anxiety, Depression and SCHEMA level issues.
- but that's no excuse for how she behaves sometimes... usually when she's been drinking.

I just hate how if i have a good few days everyone thinks i'm suddenly cured... and stops taking any consideration to be mindful of my issues.. I don't want to be treated differently, but when someone close to me completely misses the point, in this case it seemed almost intentional (as i had not eaten the meal she had prepared and was angry at me for it)
I just feel utterly misunderstood and shunned for having mental health issues which is not my fault.

Man i need to get my own place, going crazy at home with my mum..

[winter4me]

Yes. You do need your own place.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with your family and your mom especially. Is getting your own place doable?

[circles5]

Thanks for your replies.
I'm very lucky - and should be getting my own place within a couple months. Just trying to keep myself level until that time arrives.
I'm going to try and get myself another course of CBT, as i feel i'm slipping back into unhelpful ways as of the last couple months.. and seeing my keyworker once a fortnight just doesn't seem enough - he's not a trained therapist he's brilliant at social outreach and trying to help me sort out my mood and daily life plans; such as volunteering, filling my life with things of interest e.t.c.
But he doesn't have the training to help me with my anxiety issues, which is what i think i need the most currently.