[MatBell]

This is such a big thing for me and it really cuts me off from the outside world. If I'm not sure who is calling, I don't pick up. Even if I know who it is I sometimes don't. And it is so hard for me to call too. It just get so anxious, heart pounding and so on.

Right now I know that some people might call because of job applications and I just go around worrying about that. My dad told me to call and follow up on an application I just sent, but it terrifies me. I don't want to let him down, but I really don't think I can.

Do anyone have some tips for me?

[Sunflower123]

I could have written this word for word. I'm ashamed to admit this but sometimes in the past I've been so anxious, I've had people make calls for me to cancel appointments and stuff like that. That just makes it worse because the person on the other end wonders why a grown adult can't make their own calls.

A lot of times people leave a voicemail and I get up my nerve and call them back. That helps. I wish I had better advice for you but I usually just have to work up the nerve and do it. I know how hard it is. Is does get better the more you do it. Hopefully somebody will have better advice. I empathize.

[88Butterfly88]

I have the same problem. I came across this article by mistake the other day and bookmarked it. Haven't read it yet but maybe you want to check it out:

Tips for Managing Phone Anxiety | SocialAnxietySupport.com

[Sunflower123]

That's a really good article. Thank you.

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I could have written this word for word. I'm ashamed to admit this but sometimes in the past I've been so anxious, I've had people make calls for me to cancel appointments and stuff like that. That just makes it worse because the person on the other end wonders why a grown adult can't make their own calls.

A lot of times people leave a voicemail and I get up my nerve and call them back. That helps. I wish I had better advice for you but I usually just have to work up the nerve and do it. I know how hard it is. Is does get better the more you do it. Hopefully somebody will have better advice. I empathize.

Thanks Jennifer. Yes I also listen to voicemail and then call back (sometimes). And the more I avoid the phone the worse it gets. So stupid, when most people are nice and don't mean any harm, but you feel the whole world is after you.

I try to work on it with my therapist now and make some calls with her being there.

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

I have the same problem. I came across this article by mistake the other day and bookmarked it. Haven't read it yet but maybe you want to check it out:

Tips for Managing Phone Anxiety | SocialAnxietySupport.com

Thanks for this. I'll look at it later.

[Shazerac]

I don't have any advice for you. I totally understand. I HATE making phone calls or talking on the phone in general, except for a very small select group of people close to me.

I think the text message was the greatest invention since sliced bread.

In your case adding the stress of job hunting on top of that must be difficult. Hope that article helps you. And talking to people on the social anxiety section of this forum too. I'm not trying to run you off this thread, just trying to to help however I can, although it's not much.

[CepheidVariable]

I don't know if this really relates ... I have situational phone anxiety.

I can, for example, call a store to ask their hours with no problem. However if it's certain personal things or situations, sometimes I have sat in front of the phone for an hour or more before giving up and feeling ashamed, frustrated, despairing and depressed.

... like making first contact with mental health providers who invariable have no drop-in desk, no email, no text, no fax -- nothing except the telephone. Even the anxiety clinic in my nearest city only allows phone calls and has no live operator. You *have* to leave a stuttering mess of a voice mail. If you can even manage that.

Because I suffer from avoidance and rumination, the advice to plan out your every possible response is rather toxic for me. I can waste *days* agonizing over every silly scenario. I have sometimes had some luck with refusing to think about it, dialing the number quickly and hopefully letting the conversation carry itself.

I mean, I do know how to talk -- so long as my thoughts don't go spiraling off into never-never land.

Similarly, I often find it easier to respond to an incoming stressful call rather than initiate a call. I don't have time to work myself into a state. The other person invariably has their opening speil ready, and I can sometimes just go into reaction mode.

I try to tell myself that the person on the other end is probably busy or bored, and won't remember the call in five minutes. And wouldn't care if they did. When I encounter someone in person or on the telephone who is bumbling around, I just kindly respond and everything seems to work out. But it's the nature of social anxiety that we can never seem to put the shoe on the other foot. *sigh*

I wish had I some more useful advice.

[MatBell]

Yes "going into reaction mode" works better for me too. The worst is if I have to make an unannounced call to someone I don't know and have to explain a lot beforehand. Like about a job. Then I stumble and talk too fast and never explain myself clearly.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by MatBell

Yes "going into reaction mode" works better for me too. The worst is if I have to make an unannounced call to someone I don't know and have to explain a lot beforehand. Like about a job. Then I stumble and talk too fast and never explain myself clearly.

In those cases could you roughly write out what you plan on saying beforehand?

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

In those cases could you roughly write out what you plan on saying beforehand?

Yes good idea. I just called and left a voice message.
My dad is frustrated with me, can't understand why it's so hard. And that only makes me feel much worse.

I'm so sick if being like this. I feel like there's not a place in the world for someone like me.

[Guiness187055]

This is so me!!!!

[InstantChai]

That is SO me. Some days are better than others, but I really have a hard time making and receiving phone calls.

I will often write a script (or at least jot down a few points I need to cover) when I make a phone call. If the person on the other end doesn't pick up, sometimes I will just hang up. Sometimes, I'll leave a voicemail, and most of the time, I ramble and hope I make sense.

I don't answer my cell phone if I don't know who is calling, and not always even when I do know. I'll let it go to voicemail and then decide whether to return the call. Most people don't even bother to leave a voicemail, which is fine with me.

I much prefer to communicate in writing (email, Facebook, text, etc.). I can organize my thoughts so they make sense.

I don't know how helpful my response is, but know you are definitely not alone.