[abusedtoy]

When I was 10, I had extreme panic attacks, it felt like an earthquake off-the-scale of the pressure within me. I only was able to stare at the ground immovably, extremely tongue-tied, constantly sweating, face blushes bright red, feeling I was about to melt to the ground, like dying. Fear and extreme anxiety have struck to the core of my being, where I was not able to control my emotions at all. This happened a lot when I was bullied at school. I have been bullied chronically all throughout from primary to high school.

Also, due to the trauma at around that time at the age of ten, I was clearly suicidal with suicidal intent in front of others. At the age of thirteen, I was again suicidal in front of my counsellor with suicidal intent repetitively. I had suicidal ideation at the age of sixteen and it became clearer when I turned twenty. I have dreamed of drowning myself to end my life. I have thought of other methods, but drowning myself has always been in my mind. Up to the age of twenty-one, I had a suicide plan and later I was up to a suicide attempt, but then was caught with the police at four in the morning at home after contacting lifeline. It was not the first time I have called lifeline.

I was involuntarily hospitalised for a suicide plan. I really hated of being restrained and locked up in the psychiatric ward for almost a month. I could have stayed there for many more months though. I hated of being dealt with the police and forced to be admitted to the hospital via the emergency ambulance, after a visit from the CATT team, which is short formed for Crisis Assessment Treatment Team.

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you have had such a tough time. I’m glad you’re here.