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#1
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I have a phobia. Of the city.
I live in a suburb of Pittsburgh. My life is such that I rarely have to travel downtown. But when I do, I get these anxiety attacks that are absolutely unbearable! I don't know what it is, but something about being in that city (no other city) makes me feel unsafe and tense. I hyperventilate, tense up all over, I feel like I need to get out of the car and run away. I begin to chew on things as a habit. I ripped the cuff of my sweatshirt to bits on one occasion. I'm not sure how I should solve this problem. I usually just avoid going there at all costs. But every year, my school's marching band does an adjudicated parade downtown. Last year I faked sick, and I'm sure I'm not showing up this year... I'm just not doing that. But that leaves two years! I'm not sure how I should be working to correct this. I'm not even really sure I want to... Although I know I should, so I'm asking you.
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A life all mine Is what I choose At the end of my days... -The Gathering, "A Life All Mine" The Bite-Sized Truth |
#2
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Hi, megasanguis, I would try to treat it like a science "experiment" and go toward Pittsburgh as far as you can get and see how far that is, if you can increase it any, what directions/roads are maybe better than others, etc. Then I would work on learning all I could about the City in great detail and find someplace you want to visit there, a particular store or museum or "place" that might be worth seeing and be greater than the fear of the City, see if you could visit that place and then once's that's safe, broaden out.
I would check too and make sure you don't have a fear of the fear? Anxiety can do that, it might have nothing to do with going to Pittsburgh, you might just be afraid of being afraid of going to Pittsburgh :-) I personally would work on not being afraid to have panic attacks. They're just panic attacks. I'd keep going to/toward Pittsburgh anyway and that will stop them I think. If you don't pay attention to them, there's no point in their being there. Did you grow up around Pittsburgh or come from somewhere else? I would, if you're at all interested, look at that particular phobia and why you chose it rather than something like being afraid of. . . spiders or elevators, etc. It's pretty "diffuse" being afraid of Pittsburgh :-) Hard to combat. Maybe you don't like competing, the adjudicated parade. What other things have happened in Pittsburgh that you have tried to go to or not? How long have you felt this way, when did it start?
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#3
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Well, first of all, if you know the city of Pittsburgh, it's really hard to find one limit. The only ways to get into the city are by going through a series of tunnels, so for a few minutes you're just chugging along in the Fort Pitt tunnels, then BLAM! The city hits you like a ton of bricks.
I guess you could say I have a fear of the fear... But I only think it's natural to want to avoid discomfort like anxiety! Anyway, the only way I know how to stop the anxiety attacks is by closing my eyes. But if I'm sitting in the front seat of the car like I usually do, I find it hard to do that. It just doesn't feel right or safe... Another anxiety thing, I suppose. Last year I went to a concert in the city. The fact that I was going to see my favorite band in an amazing venue didn't resolve the problem. In fact, we got caught in traffic, and in retrospect I'm sure a bunch of people were just staring at me from their cars, like, "Why is that girl banging her head against the window...?" Still, I had fun at the concert, and it was definitely worth the trip. I guess I have to find enough events like that. Sometimes we go to the museum, and every year we go to a park in the area to watch vintage auto racing. I don't like the city. Period. Of course, I still don't want to be adjudicated. But I could do it if it were anywhere else. I'm definitely not going this year, not just for the phobia, but because I don't want to be a detriment to the band like that. I've lived in this same house 14 of my 15 years. When I was little, we had to pass through the city to visit my aunt. But we hadn't done that since I was eight or nine. I'd say the fear started maybe two or three years ago. I don't know why... I'll do some thinking on that.
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A life all mine Is what I choose At the end of my days... -The Gathering, "A Life All Mine" The Bite-Sized Truth |
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