Just want to escape

mostly venting

I don't want to feel. I'm tired of feeling. Feeling is overrated. SO is being awake. I just want to go to sleep. There is an all dorm meeting tonight. It's required. I don't want to go. I'm tired of trying to pretend I'm okay. I'm just tired. Let me hide. Why won't my brain stop. It just keeps spiraling me downward. It sucks. I hate it. I hate me. It is so irrational. Why can't I fix me. Why can't I be okay. I just want to curl up and drown myself in TV or something. But I have a paper to write. I need to write this paper. And I need to go work for drama. But I want to lay down. The drama people don't really know me. I feel out of place there. Not part o it. But I need these hours for credit and I need these credits because my scholarships depend on them. Why do I have to be responsible. Getting straight A's is so hard and it's so much pressure but I"m not sure I could handle a B. I'm not sure I can handle anything. Why do I have to be awake. Why can't I just keep running. Running and not looking back. Why can't I quit looking back...

Now off to pretending and being responsible

Totally understand. My motto to myself is - keep going, keep going but at the same time - just give up already! I do wonder at why i go to uni when it is the last thing i want to do!!
Always be responsible, always get work in on time no matter how bad i have been feeling (even if its rubbish!), always do this and that....jeez no wonder i've come home! But i still have those thoughts - do this, write that email, phone that person, write refs for that essay. I cannot seem to listen to ppl telling me to slow down. Even though i myself have told them i cannot continue.

No sense. Feel for you. PM me anytime.

ickydog2006,

Does your school have a mental health clinic? You may find that and antidepressants very helpful. College is stressful, please reach out. The sooner you take care of this the sooner you'll be able to enjoy your life.