I view our reactions to all situations as arising from our filters. What are our filters? Our filters arise from our life experience. For example, my family was poor and I was always hungry. So now I make larger portions of food when I cook than I need to. I'd rather waste food than go hungry by not having enough food.

Here's another example. My mother-in-law grew up during the great depression, when you dare not waste anything. It was programmed into her, to not waste anything. Much later in life, she had a subscription to reader's digest. Once a year she would put about ten copies of reader's digest by the door. When my husband and I visited, she would give the ten reader's digest to us. If we said we didn't want them, she would keep insisting that we take them. It was easier to just take them, than it was to argue about it for an hour. And she would just keep pushing for us to take them until we took them. Why? Because she couldn't throw them out. So we had to take them to our house and throw them out there. Is this irrational? They would still get thrown out, but she wouldn't know they were getting thrown out. So...it was okay for them to get thrown out, as long as she didn't know they were getting thrown out. Alternatively, she could have just been "okay" with throwing them out herself. This is irrational. The end result was: the reader's digest got thrown out. But because she didn't know that, so she was "okay."

One day I found an object of mine. I can't remember what it was. I didn't want it any more, so I put it in the garbage. My husband retrieved it from the garbage. Apparently, it wasn't okay to throw it out. Prior to that day he didn't even know that object existed. And now, he wasn't going to be "okay" if that object was put into the garbage, even though the object didn't even belong to him.

I find it totally confounding how people can pin their happiness on something as insignificant as throwing something away. It doesn't make you a bad person.

I asked him what horrible thing was going to happen if I threw that object out and he had no answer. I asked him what horrible thing was going to happen if his mother threw out the reader's digest and he had no answer. it's because nothing horrible would happen as a result of throwing something in the garbage. It would not change anyone's life at all.

To me, this is what anxiety looks like, retrieving something from the garbage that doesn't even belong to do you and being unable to throw it out. Or being unable to throw out old reader's digest. In these cases these two people are choosing unhappiness by believing it into existence. "I will be unhappy if I throw this out."
So they either have to keep it when they don't need it OR give it (force it onto) someone else. (recycle it). I'm absolutely certain they could both live full happy lives even if they threw out those objects, but they don't believe that.

Now this is happening with my daughter. She has some free seat tickets to her play (professional theatre). She believes if the tickets are not used and the seats are empty for one night (two seats), that's not okay. I see it like this: what horrible thing is going to happen to you if the two seats are empty for one night? The answer is: nothing, I will just feel bad. For nothing. Absolutely nothing in her life will be hurt or changed if those two seats are empty for one night. I think this is the foundation of anxiety. Fretting over something that isn't going to harm you at all. Two empty seats won't hurt anyone. The theatre itself is so big that the theatre people won't even notice. So the "harm" is actually non-existent, it's completely imaginary harm. It's almost like she's looking for a reason to be unhappy (anxious).

I guess I don't really have a question, just an observation. Do some people just invent or look for reasons to be unhappy? Because I think the unhappiness arising in these cases is all in the head/imagination of the person who can't "waste" a magazine, object or tickets.

The harm is only in their mind, it's not real. I realise it's real to them, but it's still unnecessary. They don't have to be hurt by the "waste." And I think going to the trouble of driving to a doctor's office or senior's centre to donate the reader's digest is equally irrational. A person ought to be able to throw out a reader's digest just as easily as they thrown out yesterday's newspaper.

I think this is a good observation, and a good post.

the first bit about wasting food/ drink I can really relate too...

the other day, for example, I had to throw out a bottle of doctor pepper because the liquid had gone flat.

my first thought wasn't.. well, that's a good thing done, my first thought was.... oh, what a waste of a drink- now no one's going to drink it and I'll be cursed if I buy another doctor pepper for wasting that one (it really affected me and made me feel so depressed)

you know I don't know why it is

maybe it's because of people in africa who have nothing.. here I am with a doctor pepper (it's flat, but it's a doctor pepper), and their's people in africa that don't even get a chance to have that.
I don't know why I believe I'll be cursed. maybe It's the same sort of thing

I am currently in posession of some fake nails (10 fake nails for each finger)

the reason?

the previous person who wore them didn't want them anymore, and my first thought was.. well what's going to happen to them now?. who's going to use them.

so I have them sitting on my desk. god knows what I'm actually planning to do with them (I know I don't want to wear them)

and yes, it is a bit weird having fake nails strewn about my desk

but still..

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I am currently in posession of some fake nails (10 fake nails for each finger)

the reason?

the previous person who wore them didn't want them anymore, and my first thought was.. well what's going to happen to them now?. who's going to use them.

so I have them sitting on my desk. god knows what I'm actually planning to do with them (I know I don't want to wear them)

and yes, it is a bit weird having fake nails strewn about my desk

but still..

Thank you for posting this. It gave me a chuckle. I live with several people who step into a vortex of concern/sadness/anxiety over numerous little things. I find it puzzling, as I don't even get that impacted by huge things. Perhaps it's because I've finally realized I can't control everything. I can be careful when I cross the street, lock my doors, pay my bills. But, sometimes drivers drive up onto the sidewalk. And sometimes people break into your car or house even if you lock the door. And sometimes people make mistakes when you pay your bills and it still looks like you didn't pay your bill. In other words, the universe is really in control. So if I waste some juice, I don't worry about it. And if I waste some food, I don't worry about it. Because I believe the universe knows where I am all the time. It knows what I'm doing all the time. And problems know how to find me, so I don't go looking for them. I do what I can to avoid problems, but I don't let little things bother me. Having said that, it really bothers me that these people close to me allow themselves to fret over stuff that doesn't really matter. I laughed out loud about your fake finger nails. It's such a human nature thing.

When I flew home from Calgary the other day, the plane didn't have aisles that were in alignment with each side of the aisle. So seats 5 A, B and C were slightly closer to the front than seats 5 D, E and F. I looked up at the sign for seats 5 D E and F and thought, that means seats 5 A, B and C are right across from it. I didn't even check the sign above seats 5 A, B and C. So I sat down in row 6 by mistake, because the seats were staggered. And everyone else from rows 2 to 5 also sat in the wrong row. Just before the plane was going to take off, a man told me I was in his seat, so I pointed at the sign that said 5 D, E and F. He said "yes that's fine, but the sign above your seats says 6 A B and C. About twelve people all had to get up and move one row ahead. This makes me laugh today, even though it happened a week ago. There was this total chaos and confusion for about ten minutes as twelve people all had to get up and move one row ahead. Life is funny. I couldn't stop laughing about this for about ten minutes after the plane took off.

My friend and her husband missed a flight once because she remembered the arrival time as the departure time. As they argued in front of the Airline clerk as they re-booked their flight, I guess she got tired of their bickering and she said:

Look! Do either one of you have cancer?!

They both said "no."

She said: Then it's going to be okay!

And that was the end of their arguing.

Love your finger nail story, it will make me smile every time I think of it.

Originally Posted by clairerobin

Thank you for posting this. It gave me a chuckle. I live with several people who step into a vortex of concern/sadness/anxiety over numerous little things. I find it puzzling, as I don't even get that impacted by huge things. Perhaps it's because I've finally realized I can't control everything. I can be careful when I cross the street, lock my doors, pay my bills. But, sometimes drivers drive up onto the sidewalk. And sometimes people break into your car or house even if you lock the door. And sometimes people make mistakes when you pay your bills and it still looks like you didn't pay your bill. In other words, the universe is really in control. So if I waste some juice, I don't worry about it. And if I waste some food, I don't worry about it. Because I believe the universe knows where I am all the time. It knows what I'm doing all the time. And problems know how to find me, so I don't go looking for them. I do what I can to avoid problems, but I don't let little things bother me. Having said that, it really bothers me that these people close to me allow themselves to fret over stuff that doesn't really matter. I laughed out loud about your fake finger nails. It's such a human nature thing.

When I flew home from Calgary the other day, the plane didn't have aisles that were in alignment with each side of the aisle. So seats 5 A, B and C were slightly closer to the front than seats 5 D, E and F. I looked up at the sign for seats 5 D E and F and thought, that means seats 5 A, B and C are right across from it. I didn't even check the sign above seats 5 A, B and C. So I sat down in row 6 by mistake, because the seats were staggered. And everyone else from rows 2 to 5 also sat in the wrong row. Just before the plane was going to take off, a man told me I was in his seat, so I pointed at the sign that said 5 D, E and F. He said "yes that's fine, but the sign above your seats says 6 A B and C. About twelve people all had to get up and move one row ahead. This makes me laugh today, even though it happened a week ago. There was this total chaos and confusion for about ten minutes as twelve people all had to get up and move one row ahead. Life is funny. I couldn't stop laughing about this for about ten minutes after the plane took off.

My friend and her husband missed a flight once because she remembered the arrival time as the departure time. As they argued in front of the Airline clerk as they re-booked their flight, I guess she got tired of their bickering and she said:

Look! Do either one of you have cancer?!

They both said "no."

She said: Then it's going to be okay!

And that was the end of their arguing.

Love your finger nail story, it will make me smile every time I think of it.

oh my !

I have a story to share in regards to plain departures (one of the few stories I can tell about my mother, without being triggered)

well my mother was flying to spain, and she collected our sister from school on the wednesday afternoon- come on, we have to get to the airport or we'll miss our flight.

got their and the people say.. what do you mean?

your flight leaves at 5 A.M thursday morning, not 5 PM in the afternoon on wednesday

oops