[WishfulThinker66]

Has anyone discovered the secret to being assertive when anxious? Please tell! Help!

It’s something you practice. It comes with time and practice.

[ShadowGX]

Absolutely it's a practice thing. You just sort of have to do it and see what happens. It won't always go well, not gonna lie, but I definitely think it's worth the possible messiness.

[tikobird]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Has anyone discovered the secret to being assertive when anxious? Please tell! Help!

When I'm anxious I might try to be assertive but I appear mostly angry

[WishfulThinker66]

I seem to have no problem standing up for someone else but for myself I get all weak kneed and rubbery. I allow myself to get walked all over.

[White Witch]

What do all of you do to practice? I know when I'm stressed and anxious, everything goes out the window.

[WishfulThinker66]

Okay, I just had a major win. My boyfriend ordered new mattresses. I actually found myself speaking up and demanding they throw in two pillows, a mattress cover, and a set of 800 count sheets (all about an $800) value. It took some arguing but we got them. Now I feel miserable because I think I came off too strongly and overdid it. There is no pleasing myself.

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Okay, I just had a major win. My boyfriend ordered new mattresses. I actually found myself speaking up and demanding they throw in two pillows, a mattress cover, and a set of 800 count sheets (all about an $800) value. It took some arguing but we got them. Now I feel miserable because I think I came off too strongly and overdid it. There is no pleasing myself.

Speaking up felt really uncomfortable to me at first also. I felt better about it eventually and it has now become my normal behavior. I probably speak up too much now.

Originally Posted by tikobird

When I'm anxious I might try to be assertive but I appear mostly angry

I’ve done plenty of that too. I wonder if we appear as angry as we think we do. Someone once told me my idea of arguing was everybody else’s idea of discussing.