[mulan]

I am worried about how my my anxiety interferes as my skills as a doctor.
By the way zolpidem is kinking inn

[Yzen]

I think it depends how well you cope and manage your anxiety. I believe many medical professionals have anxiety, but keep it to themselves and have learned to cope. If you let it interfere with giving the right care to patients, that would cause problems.

[MickeyCheeky]

Has anxiety ever caused you problems on the job so far, mulan? If this worries you so much, perhaps you could talk to your Pdoc about this. Maybe that could help. I think it's perfectly possible to work and manage anxiety at the same time, although it isn't easy. You can do this! Don't give up. Sending many hugs to you

[mulan]

I call it anxiety because it feels like anxiety. But anxiety is a symptom of something bigger. As hard it is for me and I am very ashamed of it there is something laking about my judgement and thinking. My mental abilities haven't been right in a long time, and I just feel they keep getting worse. To be truth they have never been good. I can't just drescribe how I feel, but it's anxiety, plain feelings, desinterest, emotional disconection. It happens a lot to me being unable to built long sentences and to find words. There are days my sense of wrong and right gets messed up, it's not just the emotional sense, the cognitive too, everythings gets blured, my previous knowledge and experiences are unacessible to my concious mind. I stand in the middle of nowhere like I never exhisted before, it feels like tiredness, but worse.
Today has been a particular symptomatic day. I know, it is worriesome. Depression and anxiety dont feel like this, old people with dementia maybe.
I have the strange sensation of feeling to calm and to uptight at the same time.
Is this I am afraid will interfere with my professional life. And I know you are thinking someone like this shouldn't be having responsability with other people life's.

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by mulan

Is this I am afraid will interfere with my professional life. And I know you are thinking someone like this shouldn't be having responsability with other people life's.

You are demonstrating good judgement by asking these questions of yourself. That shows that you are aware and realize something isn't right.

Do you feel you need to be emotionally disconnected to cope with work? I wonder if detachment and disinterest is a way of avoiding emotions that aren't easy to confront. I try to be detached and less emotional at work because it makes me feel safe and more in control of myself at work. When my emotions surface at work, I struggle. Not sure if that is good or bad.

[mulan]

If it was at only at work I would be less worried. I theorized the way my brain funtion was a way to deal with some emotional abuse has a child. When I think about it, it's the "perfect" copy mechanism, you are 100% available to do everything you are told to because you lack your own will, the disconection helps with disconected adults, the memory problems helps you forget the bad times and acept the adult at each moment with resenting them. You lose your sense of self so you don't mind the intrusion and lack of space.
Great explanation can convince myself for moments until I experienced what I do and everything feels so visceral and funtional like a real sickness.
I feel very distent from people, most of the times it's like none of us are there. I want to ask for help, but the people who are "close" to me don't feel real to me.

[peacelizard]

It might be helpful (without giving specifics) if you shared an example or two and how you think this anxiety could interfere with it.

[Skeezyks]

I'm not a mental health professional. But, to me, what you are experiencing sounds like it could perhaps be related to complex PTSD (which I suspect I could probably be diagnosed with.) Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, on the subject that may be of interest to you. It rang a few bells for me when I read it:

Complex PTSD | Psychotherapy Matters