Changing my mindset

Yesterday, I went to see my therapist and the session was rather so so. It was either the same things over and over or that I am not a good listener. I have got to be a better listener and also I have to be on top of things as far as my mindset goes.

I have to take what I read with a grain of salt before I allow my thoughts and my compulsions to drive me crazy. There were times when I was in fear, felt hopeless, or had thoughts that brought so many tears. Since my obsessive thoughts center around infidelity, should I look into the mind of the cheater to calm down my thoughts? Should I not do research and then try to see things from the cheater's point of view?

Imagine that I was the cheater. What would I do in a situation? Say I was myself sleep with a lot of men. What would my husband look like? Who would my children be? How many partners would I have? What would be the result of my infidelity (ies)? Would they be one affair, or would there be many brief affairs or one night stands, or a couple of flings here and there? Would I get caught? Would I eventually divorce? Why would I cheat? Should I create a scenario on my own in the hopes that I would understand what I am obsessing about? After all, the mind tends to work itself out in each scenario that I read or obsess about.

I didn't spend so much time on the computer. I went to sleep in the afternoon, but my naps take a long time. I am doing better now. But I had the thoughts about a woman who was in love with and obsessed with her abusive ex-husband only to get back together years later before his death. She takes care of him and also he becomes more complimentary of her. I do not excuse her part in the marriage for what she did was the reason for the divorce. But I won't excuse what he did. He was narcissitic, emotionally, verbally, distant, cold, and physically abusive. In response to his cruelty, and in her desperation for her husband and for frustration and loneliness, she carries on numerous affairs with students, comrades, and a myriad of others. He finds out and humiliates her in court about her innumerable affairs, but she still holds a torch for him after all of that. She then marries again, but still thinks about her ex.

I was wondering, how many affairs would be considered numerous? More than 3, more than 4, 5, 6? I would consider more than 3 affairs numerous. How about innumerable? More than 8, 9, 10? I was just wondering. I need to change my mindset.

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GeeN said:
I was wondering, how many affairs would be considered numerous? More than 3, more than 4, 5, 6? I would consider more than 3 affairs numerous. How about innumerable? More than 8, 9, 10? I was just wondering. I need to change my mindset.

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Uh -- does this relate to your personal experience? Or is it just imaginative exploration?

I would guess that anyone having numerous affairs was not satisfied with the first one. Why would that be? Because of the unsatisfactory nature of the first mate? Why affair after affair? Maybe the person needs something inside themselves and is not finding it outside...