[Um0810]

My best friend, who is also my ex boyfriend, has explicitly expressed his discomfort and unsupportiveness of me getting into a new relationship. I have liked a very nice guy for a long time now and he really likes me back. But my best friend has asked me to chose between him and the potential boyfriend. i am very very attched to my best friend and do not feel like i can let him go. but i really want to be with the guy i like. i deal with major anxiety and heart palpitations whenever my best friend talks about leaving. HELP.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Um0810

My best friend, who is also my ex boyfriend, has explicitly expressed his discomfort and unsupportiveness of me getting into a new relationship. I have liked a very nice guy for a long time now and he really likes me back. But my best friend has asked me to chose between him and the potential boyfriend. i am very very attched to my best friend and do not feel like i can let him go. but i really want to be with the guy i like. i deal with major anxiety and heart palpitations whenever my best friend talks about leaving. HELP.

Can I ask you something? Are you totally sure the ex BF/BFF is truly invested in the relationship as a friend? Because it doesnt seem like it. I do not know what ended things but this is very controlling and unfair. There should be no choice. He should be happy for you unless he wants you all to himself.

[Um0810]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Can I ask you something? Are you totally sure the ex BF/BFF is truly invested in the relationship as a friend? Because it doesnt seem like it. I do not know what ended things but this is very controlling and unfair. There should be no choice. He should be happy for you unless he wants you all to himself.

Hey! thanks for replying. the bestfriend/ex-bf is very open about the fact that he still is in love with me and that he would not be able to move on till I leave for college next year. But i am truly attached to him only as a friend and he is aware of this. I feel very stuck but am unable to let go of him. Moreover, i feel like if i do leave him, all our common friends will see me as the bad person and leave me. MOreover i would become the absolute devil in the eyes of all his friends. WHat do you think i should do?

[MickeyCheeky]

He can't dictate how you should live your own life, Um0810. You have every right to move on and find another boyfriend. I understand him being hurt, but he can't decide who you should or should not date. That's controlling behavior. So I'd suggest to just move on. Whether he will accept it or not is up to him and it's NOT your fault. If he can't accept this, then perhaps he isn't as close as a friend as you thougth... I'm so sorry, I know this kind of situation is hard. But you need to do what you feel like it's the best thing for yourself. What if he does the same thing with all your future boyfriends? I don't think that's fair to you. You have every right to live your own life. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[Um0810]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

He can't dictate how you should live your own life, Um0810. You have every right to move on and find another boyfriend. I understand him being hurt, but he can't decide who you should or should not date. That's controlling behavior. So I'd suggest to just move on. Whether he will accept it or not is up to him and it's NOT your fault. If he can't accept this, then perhaps he isn't as close as a friend as you thougth... I'm so sorry, I know this kind of situation is hard. But you need to do what you feel like it's the best thing for yourself. What if he does the same thing with all your future boyfriends? I don't think that's fair to you. You have every right to live your own life. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Hey mickeycheeky, Thank you so much for responding. i understand that he should not be alowed to control my decisions but I really get extreme anxiety whenever he starts leaving and i literally beg him to stay. I want to let go of him but feel absolutely unable to do so due to my attachment issues. What should i do?

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, Um0810 Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. Perhaps this is something worth discussing there if you're struggling with anxiety and attachment issues. Please don't let him control your life. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. Is there anything we can do to help? Please let us know. Sending many hugs to you