having trouble still with dealing with my mom's passing

xmascarol · Mar 15, 2019, 05:22 PM

It will be almost a year in June since my mother passed away and I am still have a tough time dealing with it.I talk to her all the time good thing she doesnt answer me or I will be in big trouble.She starved herself to death.Of course she was 91 and wanted to be with my dad .That is all I ever heard why wont god take me? She even asked me once to pray to God to take her ,I wouldnt do such a thing.I dont ask anyone to take a life.She was so very sick.Looked like a skeleton from what I heard.I miss her some days I almost pick up the phone to call her.I did that twice already I just wanted to hear her voice What I would give now just to hear her say I love you.I am so glad I had a chance to tell her that before he died.Sometimes my sadness and depression gets very bad that I cry.I have no more parents and my older brother died when he was 58 of a heart attack.Whenever I am feeling anxious I talk to my mom asking her to talk to God to help me along it really doesnt work though . We didnt always get along but I still loved her.

Mar 15, 2019, 06:19 PM

Of course it is still hard.

A year really isn't that long. My sister cried and cried for years after our mom died. I understand.

Mar 15, 2019, 08:03 PM

So sorry for your loss Xmascarol. Losing a parent can be mind-altering. Particularly given that you already lost your father and brother. Sounds like you have experienced a lot of major losses in a relatively short time period which could explain why you are struggling to find any peace.

I am also wondering if the nature of your mother's illness and death added another level of trauma to your grief...basically stopped eating and no longer wished to live.

Are you open to speaking with a therapist about your feelings? It may also help you to read about 'complicated grief.' I'm not a psychologist but wonder if you may be experiencing some of those symptoms.

Do you have a support network or other significant attachments in your life? A close friend? A thoughtful neighbor?

Some people find grief support groups helpful. Others don't. Grief is so unique for each individual. When my father died, my siblings and mother each responded in different ways.

I am sorry you are in such pain. I hope you will find some peace soon.

Mar 15, 2019, 09:40 PM

Guided meditation for grief, loss, and sadness

Mar 15, 2019, 09:44 PM

Coping with grief

sarahsweets · Mar 16, 2019, 03:43 AM

You say you heard it she looked like a skeleton. Did you get a chance to see her close to her death? I know you said you got to tell her that you loved her but I'm wondering if some of not being able to see her affects you now and is making you feel guilty? I could be totally off base I was just thinking that sometimes we feel that we have unfinished business and he can haunt us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xmascarol

It will be almost a year in June since my mother passed away and I am still have a tough time dealing with it.I talk to her all the time good thing she doesnt answer me or I will be in big trouble.She starved herself to death.Of course she was 91 and wanted to be with my dad .That is all I ever heard why wont god take me? She even asked me once to pray to God to take her ,I wouldnt do such a thing.I dont ask anyone to take a life.She was so very sick.Looked like a skeleton from what I heard.I miss her some days I almost pick up the phone to call her.I did that twice already I just wanted to hear her voice What I would give now just to hear her say I love you.I am so glad I had a chance to tell her that before he died.Sometimes my sadness and depression gets very bad that I cry.I have no more parents and my older brother died when he was 58 of a heart attack.Whenever I am feeling anxious I talk to my mom asking her to talk to God to help me along it really doesnt work though . We didnt always get along but I still loved her.

xmascarol · Mar 16, 2019, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nowinners

Of course it is still hard.

A year really isn't that long. My sister cried and cried for years after our mom died. I understand.

Thank you.I use to call my mom a lot over the weekends.She wanted to die.If I ever become where I wont eat or take my meds just lay there and sleep all day long I would rather have my family let me go

xmascarol · Mar 16, 2019, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

You say you heard it she looked like a skeleton. Did you get a chance to see her close to her death? I know you said you got to tell her that you loved her but I'm wondering if some of not being able to see her affects you now and is making you feel guilty? I could be totally off base I was just thinking that sometimes we feel that we have unfinished business and he can haunt us.

No I didnt see her at all. My son said it looked as though she had bones with skin on it uck.Two weeks before she died she stop talking to me it wasnt me she didnt even want my kids there.My son is the one who found her actually when he went to visit with her she was still breathing but when he and his wife started to walk away he heard something isnt right.Went over to my mom she took her last breath looked at him and died.I couldnt handle that he told me it was a good thing I didnt see her like that because he knows it would have been way to much for me.When he came by to see me he even couldnt take seeing his grandma like that.First my dad dies then less then two years later my mom.SHe is happy now because she is with him now.I feel kind of guilty because maybe I could have done something to help her like take her meds but somehow I dont even think she would have done that.The woman who was taking care of me said she is about a goner,and less then three hours later,she was gone.I am upset now just talking about her.If she had eaten taken her meds perhaps she would still with us but she was 91 so maybe she wouldnt have lived.The doctors wanted to operate on her but my son said no he didnt want to prolong her misery.He was so upset both of his and hers grandparents are all gone.

xmascarol · Mar 16, 2019, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

So sorry for your loss Xmascarol. Losing a parent can be mind-altering. Particularly given that you already lost your father and brother. Sounds like you have experienced a lot of major losses in a relatively short time period which could explain why you are struggling to find any peace.

I am also wondering if the nature of your mother's illness and death added another level of trauma to your grief...basically stopped eating and no longer wished to live.

Are you open to speaking with a therapist about your feelings? It may also help you to read about 'complicated grief.' I'm not a psychologist but wonder if you may be experiencing some of those symptoms.

Do you have a support network or other significant attachments in your life? A close friend? A thoughtful neighbor?

Some people find grief support groups helpful. Others don't. Grief is so unique for each individual. When my father died, my siblings and mother each responded in different ways.

I am sorry you are in such pain. I hope you will find some peace soon.

I do have a best friend.She understands how I feel.Her parents are elderly too.I cant go out anywhere being around people makes me very anxious.I just keep praying .My neighbors are bad very bad they complain about everything I do not trust anybody except one neighbor she is older then me but very nice.I mind my own business and I still get into trouble.

MickeyCheeky · Mar 16, 2019, 11:27 AM

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, xmascarol

It's definitely not easy to cope with death. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry you and your mother have suffered so much as well. From what you wrote it seems like you feel a bit guilty about it, like you haven't been doinf enough to help her. Please don't feel guilty. It's not your fault. From what you wrote it's clear that she was neglecting herself as well. We can help people only if they want to get help as well. You've tried your best by being there to support her and by calling her and saying that you loved her. You've been a wonderful daughter. I'm sure of that. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much right now. Take your time. It will take time before you'll feel a bit better about it. Please don't give up. You're a strong, wonderful person, xmascarol. Please remember that. Keep honoring your mother and remember to take care of yourself as well. I promise you that you will feel better at some point. Many people go through this, so you're definitely not alone in this. I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You've been given some great advice on this thread. I'd suggest to follow it if you can. I'm sure you can do this. We all care about you here. We all love you here. We won't judge you. I promise you that. Stay strong, xmascarol. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Try to hang on. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, xmascarol. You don't deserve to suffer like this. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. You're a strong, wonderful person, I know that

xmascarol · Mar 16, 2019, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, xmascarol

It's definitely not easy to cope with death. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry you and your mother have suffered so much as well. From what you wrote it seems like you feel a bit guilty about it, like you haven't been doinf enough to help her. Please don't feel guilty. It's not your fault. From what you wrote it's clear that she was neglecting herself as well. We can help people only if they want to get help as well. You've tried your best by being there to support her and by calling her and saying that you loved her. You've been a wonderful daughter. I'm sure of that. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much right now. Take your time. It will take time before you'll feel a bit better about it. Please don't give up. You're a strong, wonderful person, xmascarol. Please remember that. Keep honoring your mother and remember to take care of yourself as well. I promise you that you will feel better at some point. Many people go through this, so you're definitely not alone in this. I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You've been given some great advice on this thread. I'd suggest to follow it if you can. I'm sure you can do this. We all care about you here. We all love you here. We won't judge you. I promise you that. Stay strong, xmascarol. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Try to hang on. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, xmascarol. You don't deserve to suffer like this. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. You're a strong, wonderful person, I know that

I dont know why but I feel like it is my fault she died.Does that make any sense to you?She was 91 see ever since my dad died almost three years ago she has wanted to die.She kept asking everyone to have God take her .I for one couldnt do that.You dont pray for someone to take a life.She was very religious .She would say her rosaries all day just about.Even though she believed in God she never preached to anyone.I have talked to my doctor but he doesnt say much.He understands how I feel other then that I dont know maybe he doesnt know what to say.JUst a little over a year and a half agoI lost my cousin who I was very close to when I was younger.She was 63.Was in a coma and never woke up.So in three years I lost my dad,mom and cousin. I am afraid to die.Always afraid I wont be dead when they go and cremate me.I have heard of cases where people have actually sat up in there coffins they were not dead. Well my mom didnt talk to me for about two weeks before she died.I remember talking to her home aid.She tried to get my mother to eat but she said no.I felt a little bit bad because she wouldnt talk to me however I know that she didnt want to talk to anyone,said nothing when my kids were there.She even cried over the phone to me that she wanted to die and would asks me how come GOd wouldnt take her.I just told her he wasnt ready for her yet.I did actually yell at her one time because all I would ever hear when I talked to her is I wish God would take me my kids would hear it to and they got mad.Cant say I blame them when you have to hear that every single day.

I am giving you a hug my friend cause you are always so caring.I love you.always,Carol