[Dust to Dust]

Anxiety OCD depression

1st therapy appointment: Anxiety hit the roof. It was in an unfamiliar location. It was at night. I get anxious driving so my partner took me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to drive there because the roads are only side parking and that terrifies me. I had anxiety thinking I hit the wrong button on the elevator. I had anxiety in the elevator thinking it would stop working and I would be stuck on it. I had anxiety thinking I hit the wrong floor button even though I hit the 2nd floor. I had anxiety once I got to the floor because it was so late and nobody was in the building. I had anxiety once I saw my therapist for the first time. I tried not judging her because she’s a nice lady but I don’t think she’s the right match for me. She has a hunched back and glass eyes. I automatically had anxiety from her. I cried my entire session which felt good but I felt like I didn’t get out anything in those 45 minutes I had. I felt like I needed to wash my hands and body the entire time in the room because I felt dirty. I felt like I smelt like that room after I left.

2nd therapy appointment: I’ll give her another chance. Anxiety wasn’t as bad because this session was in the morning. Anxiety was bad because I still needed my partner to drive. I thought she was mad and that’s all I could think in the back of my head. I couldn’t stop picking my chin apart because of it. Anxiety was still bad because I thought I pressed the wrong elevator button. Inside the elevator there was a sign saying that something would stop working on today’s date and all I could think about was the elevator breaking. My therapist told me that was for the residents who also live in that building. I arrived at the wrong time because in my head I thought it was set for 8am but it was 845am. I sat on the couch picking my face more. I still don’t think I got much out from the session. The sessions feel short and I feel like I’m not getting the advice I need. I feel like I’m staring at her glass eyes and I can’t tell her that’s why I’m distracted. She also started drooling and I couldn’t look away. It fell from her mouth and down her shirt and she didn’t wipe it or realize it was happening.

Am I horrible? I know I need a therapist who I can feel connected to. I want to feel refreshed after a session and all I feel right now is like throwing up. Ugh.

[sarahsweets]

Are you being treated by a doctor with medication as well?

[xmascarol]

Originally Posted by Dust to Dust

Anxiety OCD depression

1st therapy appointment: Anxiety hit the roof. It was in an unfamiliar location. It was at night. I get anxious driving so my partner took me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to drive there because the roads are only side parking and that terrifies me. I had anxiety thinking I hit the wrong button on the elevator. I had anxiety in the elevator thinking it would stop working and I would be stuck on it. I had anxiety thinking I hit the wrong floor button even though I hit the 2nd floor. I had anxiety once I got to the floor because it was so late and nobody was in the building. I had anxiety once I saw my therapist for the first time. I tried not judging her because she’s a nice lady but I don’t think she’s the right match for me. She has a hunched back and glass eyes. I automatically had anxiety from her. I cried my entire session which felt good but I felt like I didn’t get out anything in those 45 minutes I had. I felt like I needed to wash my hands and body the entire time in the room because I felt dirty. I felt like I smelt like that room after I left.

2nd therapy appointment: I’ll give her another chance. Anxiety wasn’t as bad because this session was in the morning. Anxiety was bad because I still needed my partner to drive. I thought she was mad and that’s all I could think in the back of my head. I couldn’t stop picking my chin apart because of it. Anxiety was still bad because I thought I pressed the wrong elevator button. Inside the elevator there was a sign saying that something would stop working on today’s date and all I could think about was the elevator breaking. My therapist told me that was for the residents who also live in that building. I arrived at the wrong time because in my head I thought it was set for 8am but it was 845am. I sat on the couch picking my face more. I still don’t think I got much out from the session. The sessions feel short and I feel like I’m not getting the advice I need. I feel like I’m staring at her glass eyes and I can’t tell her that’s why I’m distracted. She also started drooling and I couldn’t look away. It fell from her mouth and down her shirt and she didn’t wipe it or realize it was happening.

Am I horrible? I know I need a therapist who I can feel connected to. I want to feel refreshed after a session and all I feel right now is like throwing up. Ugh.

Let me tell you something no you are not horrible.I had gone to about four different therapist and none of them helped me.All they would ever say you have to get out more if I could I would.They dont get my agoraphobia at all,You are very brave going on a elevator by yourself there is no way in hell I would do that.I always had my case worker with me ,thankfully my new doctor is one floor .I wont go to her I cannot right now she is to pushy this is my regular doctor not my shrink she doesnt get my mental illness at all she says she understands when clearly she doesnt.What part of agoraphobia dont they get anyway? I find that my therapist were to darn pushy.Get out more ya sure. I can barely walk now. Sometimes they can be very intimidating .

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Dust to Dust I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You're NOT horrible. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're a strong, wonderful person who's trying to do his best to survive. That's what matters the most! Perhaps this therapist is just not the right match for you. It can happen. Sometimes it can take a while before we find the right therapist for us. I'd suggest to try to see if you can find another one if you can. Maybe that could help. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Remember that there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's not your fault if you're feeling like this. It's not your fault at all! I hope things will get better soon for you. You deserve to be happy and to feel good just like everyone else does. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Dust to Dust. I hope things will get better soon. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. You're a strong, wonderful person. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Please don't give up! Try to hang on!

[Dust to Dust]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Are you being treated by a doctor with medication as well?

Yes. I just started fluoxetine about ten days ago prescribed by my primary doctor when I addressed my concerns.

[Dust to Dust]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Dust to Dust I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You're NOT horrible. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're a strong, wonderful person who's trying to do his best to survive. That's what matters the most! Perhaps this therapist is just not the right match for you. It can happen. Sometimes it can take a while before we find the right therapist for us. I'd suggest to try to see if you can find another one if you can. Maybe that could help. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Remember that there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's not your fault if you're feeling like this. It's not your fault at all! I hope things will get better soon for you. You deserve to be happy and to feel good just like everyone else does. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Dust to Dust. I hope things will get better soon. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. You're a strong, wonderful person. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Please don't give up! Try to hang on!

Thank you I really appreciate your reply. I needed to hear that from someone. That I'm not some horrible person who just took one look at her and was like no thank you. I just felt like maybe I shouldn't judge her the first time meeting. Everyone's anxious with their first therapy session right? But just her herself.. maybe it's the way she appears.. and the location itself. Her office is on the 2nd floor of an old hotel building..and in the hallway were like old things that were show cased from it back in the 1900's..it was really bizarre. It was just old and dirty and almost vacant. And her room were full of maybe 50 angel figures. And after our session I was like drenched in sweat from the whole process. Thank you so much though. It's nice hearing positive things from other people. Just more validation that coming back to this forum was a great decision.

[Dust to Dust]

Originally Posted by xmascarol

Let me tell you something no you are not horrible.I had gone to about four different therapist and none of them helped me.All they would ever say you have to get out more if I could I would.They dont get my agoraphobia at all,You are very brave going on a elevator by yourself there is no way in hell I would do that.I always had my case worker with me ,thankfully my new doctor is one floor .I wont go to her I cannot right now she is to pushy this is my regular doctor not my shrink she doesnt get my mental illness at all she says she understands when clearly she doesnt.What part of agoraphobia dont they get anyway? I find that my therapist were to darn pushy.Get out more ya sure. I can barely walk now. Sometimes they can be very intimidating .

I guess in the end it's you who you are looking to better so you have to go with the best therapist that'll be the right match. I'm not someone who jumps into new things most of the times..maybe with some things I do but I guess with situational things not so much..so I always try and give people a chance..I was thinking it was maybe in my end..all I could hear myself say is she looked like a meth addict off the street and that I should be the one on the other side..I went to school for psych and I felt myself just analyzing it all. What kinds of things with agoraphobia bother you..I'm kind of new to this.. I went to my doctor for depression ocd and anxiety and was prescribed medication and referred to therapy and I have a follow up to discuss dosage. Do you get like extreme anxiety with driving? I think that might be one of my biggest things other than my coming to terms with my ocd.

[xmascarol]

Originally Posted by Dust to Dust

I guess in the end it's you who you are looking to better so you have to go with the best therapist that'll be the right match. I'm not someone who jumps into new things most of the times..maybe with some things I do but I guess with situational things not so much..so I always try and give people a chance..I was thinking it was maybe in my end..all I could hear myself say is she looked like a meth addict off the street and that I should be the one on the other side..I went to school for psych and I felt myself just analyzing it all. What kinds of things with agoraphobia bother you..I'm kind of new to this.. I went to my doctor for depression ocd and anxiety and was prescribed medication and referred to therapy and I have a follow up to discuss dosage. Do you get like extreme anxiety with driving? I think that might be one of my biggest things other than my coming to terms with my ocd.

Hi and thank you for your responds.I just have problems with going out anywhere being around people it just freaks me out.You know all my life I was afraid of people even when I was a child it just got worse when I grew older.I dont feel comfortable about being around a bunch of people.I do have one great friend who will sit with me but I have known her for over three years so that is okay but just to get into a car it scares me.Once we got stuck in traffic coming home I didnt feel to well about that.Now see I cannot drive actually havent in over 30 years.Never felt to comfortable with it.Hey there are days when I feel very anxious like when I just woke up very bad anxities. I just took my klonopin feel a little bit better but the wind scares me too,I get nervous when we lose power I do have a generator here in my apt just that t takes forever to kick in then I have to wait for both my tv and computer to reboot that enough makes me nervous.whoops more like anxious