[NervesOButter]

Its been about 3 years since my dad died. He was the only parent that cared for me between the two. I just turned 39 in February and I feel so alone and scared. I feel like a child because in many ways I think o stopped emotionally developing at age 15 when a major trauma occurred. I have no friends...I do have two children that I adore and a partner that tries to understand....but I feel life just passing by. Like I'm just here waiting to die. I cry daily several times and I am just...sad.

The panic attacks are daily and always of I leave.

[Skeezyks]

Hello NervesOButter: I believe this is your first thread here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. Three additional forums, here on PC, that may be of particular interest to you would be the grief & loss forum, the relationships forum & the healthy parenting forum. Here are links to these forums just in case you haven't already found them:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/grief-and-loss/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/healthy-parenting/

You also mentioned a major trauma that occurred when you were 15. So the PTSD forum may also be one to check out:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/post-traumatic-stress/

You began your post by mentioning the death of your dad three years ago. Here is a link to an article by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on the subject of grief & loss. The article provides links to a number of additional articles on the subject. There is such as thing as "complicated grief". Also included are links to 4 articles on this subject. The fourth link is to a grief & loss quiz you can take to help you determine if the grief you are continuing to experience could be considered complicated grief:

Coping with Grief and Loss - Psych Central

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/menta...licated-grief/

https://psychcentral.com/news/2006/1...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...o-get-unstuck/

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/grief-quiz/

And then, since you mentioned panic attacks, here are links to 4 articles on that subject:

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/a...eatment/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-to...-attack/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...panic-attacks/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/living-with-panic-attacks/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, NervesOButter I understand what you mean. Anxiety and panic attacks are not easy to deal with. Please don't give up. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. Please don't give up. Life is not over. You'll be able to achieve some wonderful things in your life, I'm sure of that. Just try to do your best. That's all you can do after all, and it's more than enough! Keep fighting! You're a strong, wonderful person! You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, NervesOButter. You're a strong, wonderful person. You don't deserve to suffer at all

[xmascarol]

Originally Posted by NervesOButter

Its been about 3 years since my dad died. He was the only parent that cared for me between the two. I just turned 39 in February and I feel so alone and scared. I feel like a child because in many ways I think o stopped emotionally developing at age 15 when a major trauma occurred. I have no friends...I do have two children that I adore and a partner that tries to understand....but I feel life just passing by. Like I'm just here waiting to die. I cry daily several times and I am just...sad.

The panic attacks are daily and always of I leave.

Hello and Welcome,I know exactly how you feel.I lost my mom last year on June 9th so it hasnt been a year yet.There have been days when I came close to picking up the phone to call her ,Wait till you hear this one after she died I did call her twice I was just hoping that it was just a bad dream.She was so sick. However she was 91 but was not the same since my dad died he died almost two years ago.I am 66 I will be your friend if you like.I dont judge anyone.I know the feeling there are some days when all I do is lay down and cry.I wish I could have my mom back and dad too.She jsut starved herself to death and my dad he no longer had the will to live. Believe I get days when I dont care what happens to me.So if you need to talk I am here for you.Unless my computer stops working I hope not it did last year and I had to get another one.I am here for you .I want to help if I can

[NervesOButter]

Originally Posted by xmascarol

Hello and Welcome,I know exactly how you feel.I lost my mom last year on June 9th so it hasnt been a year yet.There have been days when I came close to picking up the phone to call her ,Wait till you hear this one after she died I did call her twice I was just hoping that it was just a bad dream.She was so sick. However she was 91 but was not the same since my dad died he died almost two years ago.I am 66 I will be your friend if you like.I dont judge anyone.I know the feeling there are some days when all I do is lay down and cry.I wish I could have my mom back and dad too.She jsut starved herself to death and my dad he no longer had the will to live. Believe I get days when I dont care what happens to me.So if you need to talk I am here for you.Unless my computer stops working I hope not it did last year and I had to get another one.I am here for you .I want to help if I can

I welcome all friends. Will it ever come a day that I think of a memory of him and not burst into tears?

[ken9018]

so sorry your going through rough time. Do you have therapist you could talk to, they'll be able to recommend anti-anxiety techniques to calm you down. Also psychiatrist can prescribe medication also to keep your anxiety down. I would try to explore option one if haven't already, option two also if your not opposed to medication. Please take care!

[NervesOButter]

Yes I have a therapist but she is always on her computer ....and spends the whole hour talking about her groups that she runs rather than my issues

[xmascarol]

Originally Posted by NervesOButter

I welcome all friends. Will it ever come a day that I think of a memory of him and not burst into tears?

Believe me I know how you feel.I lost my husband almost 15 years ago he died right in front of me. I saw him take his last breath.Then he just dropped to the floor and that was it.Since then I lost both of my parents three years apart my cousin she was only 63 we were very close when we were kids . I cry all the time especially for my husband and my mom

[NervesOButter]

Originally Posted by xmascarol

Believe me I know how you feel.I lost my husband almost 15 years ago he died right in front of me. I saw him take his last breath.Then he just dropped to the floor and that was it.Since then I lost both of my parents three years apart my cousin she was only 63 we were very close when we were kids . I cry all the time especially for my husband and my mom

It's really hard living my life day to day. My anxiety is through the roof right now

[hvert]

Could you try a new therapist? Someone who sits on the computer and talks about herself doesn't sound very helpful. I hope there's something that brings you some peace.