[sadveiledbride]

I have been listening to a song by The Smashing Pumpkins titled Today. It's about Billy's depression and how today is the greatest day because it can't get any worse. That's pretty much where I'm at now. My anxiety is probably at the worst it's ever been, and it consumes me, and I feel quite awful at times. I have lots of things to be anxious about and I carry my anxiety on my back... Jonathan Davis of Korn once said, "Depression, it's like carrying a lead blanket all the time." Same goes for anxiety, really. Both my depression and anxiety have been absolutely dreadful. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Skeezyks]

Well... I don't want to be someone who's lecturing you. (I suspect you may get plenty of that in real life.) But I have to say that, in my experience, you are the only person who can change what is going on with you. The bad new is... it's just up to you. But the good news also is... it's up to you! And, while it's good to have some sort of ultimate goal in mind (& that can well change over time) on a day-to-day week-to-week basis it's a matter of taking one small step at a time. There's a danger in trying to look too far ahead. It can all look just too overwhelming. You simply have to take it one step at a time.

There's a song I'm fond of that is apropos here. Perhaps I've linked you to it before? It's a song from the communist revolution in China titled (appropriately enough): "Step by Step". Here's the link:

May it be of benefit.