[Jewliahguliah]

Prior to my abuse that happened this past April I only experienced anxiety when I had an important exam the that day or something like that and I dealt with it by just facing up to it. Since the abuse the anxiety has become much worse and much more difficult to deal with. Prior to the abuse I had never smoked cigarettes in my life, but have heard that they relax you. So over the Summer I started. I started slow because I thought it tasted nasty, but now I am already smoking regularly. It does relax me when I become anxious even though I do know it is not the best method.

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for sharing this. I recall replying to your introductory post. Since you know smoking is really bad for your health I wonder if, by some chance, there is a possibility smoking is at least in part a method of self-harm for you... a response to an anger & maybe even a sense of self-loathing you feel as a result of what you endured. I'm not a mental health professional. So that's just my lay-person's take on the situation. But I thought it might be something that would at least be worth considering.