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AzulOscuro
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Default May 31, 2021 at 10:01 AM
  #1
I’m sorry for sharing bad news. Maybe, today I feel more open to talk about what I’m going through or maybe I need to put a little bit out in an attempt to find some kind of relief.

It’s been already a long time since I’m feeling pretty hopeless and depressed. It all began since the lockdown my country suffered because of the pandemic in the Spring of last year, 2020.
I don’t blame it to the pandemic. I already went through phases of depression and a deep lack of self-confidence in the past. So, I think it was only one more element that played a role.

The thing is that it seems that this time I’m not being able to find some kind of recovery. I feel lost and stuck with both, depression and social anxiety. Social anxiety and depression. They both feed each other.
I put this thread here in the social anxiety forum because I’m mainly a social phobic. Since any step I try or have to make, implies to deal with this bad company that is: Fear, insecurity, lack of confidence, risk, inadequacy, risk for criticism, risk to feel embarrassed, etc.
This is one of these periods when I’m feeling so low that social anxiety is beating me so strongly that this time I’m not even trying to survive but even worst, pretty much crawling.

My lack of energy and the deep insecurity makes me avoid, delay, even daily tasks as cooking. Not mention others not so daily task as driving my new car, or speaking with a friend on the phone (or simply answer to a phone call), go to a clothes store to buy a dress, etc. There are so many.

I don’t even have motive for this. All around me is perfect. My family (included my partner and doggies), my friends, my neighbours, people here. They are all perfect. I can’t ask for more.

I’m aware that my thread is a little dirt tricky on my part because I know that you will feel concerned and sympathetic while feeling that you can’t do. Noone can’t do anything to help me.

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Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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rechu
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Default May 31, 2021 at 10:24 AM
  #2
I just wanted to send you a big hug and say I'm here if you ever want to PM you. Thinking of you! This last year and a half hasn't been easy on anyone.
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Default May 31, 2021 at 10:38 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by rechu View Post
I just wanted to send you a big hug and say I'm here if you ever want to PM you. Thinking of you! This last year and a half hasn't been easy on anyone.
Thank you @rechu!
You have been always here for me.
I didn’t expect less from you, friend.

It represents a big effort to talk about my negative things with people. Neither with family.
I mentioned something to my partner but not much. I don’t want them to get worried. I know they also suffer a lot because they want to help me and understand me and feel frustrated.
That’s why I won’t likely touch with you either this topic in private. I’d better share with you jokes and other stuff. But, I’m very grateful for your offer.

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Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Default May 31, 2021 at 02:06 PM
  #4
Please don't dismiss lockdown as not contributing to you feeling unwell. The pandemic has caused problems for many people, not just those with underlying issues.

Many different things in our lives can cause these feelings. Some major, others trivial that we can tell ourselves off for being so silly. None of it should be ignored. We adopt different coping mechanisms.

Talking about an issue here may generate similar experiences and hopefully, advice on how to brighten our outlook.
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Default May 31, 2021 at 02:12 PM
  #5
Yes, the *****ing lockdown made things worse and I’m sure it affected many other people, even the ones that was mentally “healthy” but I know that my issues were already there before.

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Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Default Jun 06, 2021 at 01:14 PM
  #6
I have been thinking about my problem of social phobia. Well, to be honest, I always have it present.
I don’t think I ever get to overcome it or live with it with a certain quality of life.

I have overcome some situations I perceives as threatening. I did social progressive therapy exposure and I achieved some kinds of goals: Being able to go out under some circumstances, being able to talk to people in the street under, again, some circumstances....There always has to be a purpose ( something in common as to have a doggie, something to pay for, being the partner of someone...) I never feel I have the right to interact with or a place somewhere because of myself. I don’t feel that I deserve it.
I feel like an alien in these interactions and as if they didn’t count because I’m there, in them.
Feel like if I didn’t count. Like if I were in a dream.
What do normal people feel in these situations, I wonder.

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Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Default Jun 13, 2021 at 12:55 PM
  #7
Dear Azuloscuro I am sorry I didn't see this thread until today - thank you for reaching out, you definitely deserve support.

I agree with other posters, the pandemic and everything that came with it shouldn't be underestimated as contributing to how you feel.

I share your feelings, my social anxiety is mild to moderate but definitely worse after this last year. I was lucky, I was an essential worker so I worked throughout, I believe that saved me from the worst effects because I had social interaction with colleagues and customers.

However mixing in groups has always been difficult for me, I had been better with practice. But this last year I slipped back into a world of close family, a few close friends and colleagues only.

Last week I went to an outdoor exercise class and I felt so awkward and weird around people. I'm going again and I'm just going to have to accept I'll feel awkward and weird!

Please don't blame yourself. It's not us, ourselves, it's social anxiety. It's not who we are.
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Default Jun 13, 2021 at 01:30 PM
  #8
I definitively related to you in what you say about finding even more difficult to be in a group. My god, the rest of members in that group are normally very able to connect among them while I always felt an outsider. It’s as if I was different, a rare specimen and I would project it, so (and I don’t blame people) they react according to how and what they perceive.

Feel like if I didn’t deserve to be accepted or be one more among them. I see most of the times, I didn’t even give myself the opportunity to try it. I mean, I already set in this place keep aside for these people who don’t integrate in a group, who isolate themselves. Feel like it’s a fate. And as soon as you find a chance, you sneak out of this situation (with the tail between your legs).

I remember at the University, first year, went a member of a group to do a project. They suited very well among them and they treat me as one more. They accepted me. They didn’t see any different in me. And I felt such a fear of this acceptance (I thought, no...this not possible) and I began to avoid them as much as possible. I felt fear of fitting in or failing. Not sure.

Thank you for your support. It means a lot. More than people may believe.

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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Default Jun 22, 2021 at 12:40 AM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
-It’s been already a long time since I’m feeling pretty hopeless and depressed. It all began since the lockdown my country suffered because of the pandemic in the Spring of last year, 2020.

-The thing is that it seems that this time I’m not being able to find some kind of recovery. I feel lost and stuck with both, depression and social anxiety. Social anxiety and depression. They both feed each other.

-My lack of energy and the deep insecurity makes me avoid, delay, even daily tasks as cooking. Not mention others not so daily task as driving my new car, or speaking with a friend on the phone (or simply answer to a phone call), go to a clothes store to buy a dress, etc. There are so many.
Same here. I was pretty stable and I could easily cope with depression and other issues before the pandemic. My life was a lot more stressful before COVID-19 spread, but the lockdowns took a toll on me. We still have a lot of restrictions in my country. I only go out to buy groceries and medicine, but I don't know if I'll be able to face other people when things become normal again. It's very different from talking to students online as well.

I'm always so sleepy these days. I only have energy for one job. I have a lot of things to finish for my other job, but I keep on delaying it. I'm trying to catch up now though. I didn't even have energy to shower last Saturday. I need more and more sleep and I don't talk to my friends a lot.

I hope you'll feel better.
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Default Jun 22, 2021 at 12:46 PM
  #10
Thank you for sharing, dear!
Two jobs? I couldn’t even cope with a single one currently.
I feel for you. Feeling depressed and having to deal with so much.

P.S.: I’m feeling quite better but I’m crossing my fingers because I said this not a very long time ago and I suffered a new relapse. I’m on tiptops, to be honest.

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Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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