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AzulOscuro
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Default Jun 10, 2021 at 06:38 AM
  #1
I’m not sure if I’m saying or calling the following properly.
I’m referring to doing procedures with public administration offices and other institutions.
But, even more, it happens to me with many others institutions such as banks, doctors, some shops wherever I have to manage myself socially.
Lately, I’ve had having to do lots of this stuff. It means, telephone calls to make appointments or solving doubts, then, attending there and having to ask for things with the necessary interaction with people.

Of course, I have been delaying everything as much as possible due to the high level of anxiety it provokes me. What makes things worse because little by little you feel more unable to do things. You feel yourself incompetent.

At last, this week, and counting with the help that I’m feeling better of my depression, I’m been able to face to some of these processes.
And it feels so good, it’s such a relief that I even feel like celebrating.
I think the one of you who have problems dealing with social exposure are gonna be able to understand what I mean.

Wished I have more constancy at facing these situations.
I heard it helps to have a previous plan before each situation you have to face and you fear.
Do you do it? If so, how?

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Default Jun 10, 2021 at 01:35 PM
  #2
Dear AzulOscura,

I am sorry you are burdened with this anxiety. This is a kind of anxiety that afflicts me too. People not weighed down with this type of anxiety can never realize how debilitating it can be. I have a few things that help me a bit and would be happy to share them with you if you are interested. I am not sure they would be helpful to you though or any others struggling with these kinds of things. Congratulations on being able to face some of the situations you mentioned.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Jun 11, 2021 at 10:12 AM
  #3
Thank you very much, Yaowen!

Yes, of course, I’m very interesting to know what you use when facing to situations that rise your social anxiety.

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Default Jun 11, 2021 at 02:36 PM
  #4
Hi, AzulOscuro, I also have terrible social anxiety, including using the phone, especially calling authority figures (bank reps, utilities' reps, etc.). I use tricks like you mentioned, especially planning what to say, & writing it down & practicing before contact. Out & about with the outside world, I'm very quiet & reserved, but polite. Inside I'm feeling that I wish I could be invisible. Does this sound familiar to you?

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rechu
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Default Jun 11, 2021 at 07:54 PM
  #5
For me phone calls are challenging. Anything I can do by chat or e-mail instead of a call I do so. My husband spends a lot of work time on phone calls, whereas I don't, so sometimes if a call needs to be made about a bill or a product order, he asks if I can because he's burnt out by hours on the phone. My Spanish is fluent, but it still stresses me out. I don't know how I did my former job where I had to call people all over the Americas to ask for information. The worst thing is that both my first and last names are unusual, so I spend way too much time spelling it all out and then responding to questions about where I am from.

I did get this very nice woman a few weeks ago when I called about an order that didn't arrive. In that case I was more relaxed and I was able to straighten things out.

I understand completely, but don't have real suggestions. I just have to push through because I know that I need to resolve a problem.

In-person things don't usually bother me as much, except for the endless lines. It's been ages since I have gone in person to deal with the bank, government, etc. due to all the lockdowns.
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 11:03 AM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
Hi, AzulOscuro, I also have terrible social anxiety, including using the phone, especially calling authority figures (bank reps, utilities' reps, etc.). I use tricks like you mentioned, especially planning what to say, & writing it down & practicing before contact. Out & about with the outside world, I'm very quiet & reserved, but polite. Inside I'm feeling that I wish I could be invisible. Does this sound familiar to you?
In the same way as you, I do feel anxiety in any kind of social interaction but as now that I’m retired, I don’t have to face to many of them but I can’t get rid of taking action in the ones I have to do yes or yes, as the ones I referred to in the introducing post.

There’s something that I find particularly difficult when dealing with these kinds of errands and it’s when I have to ask people to do something for me (even when I pay for). For example, if I find hard to follow the steps on the computer to manage something, in order to do a procedure, I feel so bad having to ask for help or asking something in order to solve any doubt.
Many times these people are even there to solve your doubts and do this kind of work, however I feel as if I didn’t deserve people’s time or effort.
It’s curious because I don’t think twice to give a hand when I am asked for.
And lately, as doing these errands and procedures I have seen that most of cases, people are pretty to prone to offer their help as soon as you ask them.
So, that’s why I’m feeling proud of giving these steps lately. I’m like you, also a pretty polite person so I found very positive responses.

And yes, I kind of want to be unnoticed but sometimes, I also want to cope as a normal person and participate. I have two forces inside each one running in a different direction.

Thank you for your words and sharing about your experience.

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Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 11:20 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by rechu View Post
For me phone calls are challenging. Anything I can do by chat or e-mail instead of a call I do so. My husband spends a lot of work time on phone calls, whereas I don't, so sometimes if a call needs to be made about a bill or a product order, he asks if I can because he's burnt out by hours on the phone. My Spanish is fluent, but it still stresses me out. I don't know how I did my former job where I had to call people all over the Americas to ask for information. The worst thing is that both my first and last names are unusual, so I spend way too much time spelling it all out and then responding to questions about where I am from.

I did get this very nice woman a few weeks ago when I called about an order that didn't arrive. In that case I was more relaxed and I was able to straighten things out.

I understand completely, but don't have real suggestions. I just have to push through because I know that I need to resolve a problem.

In-person things don't usually bother me as much, except for the endless lines. It's been ages since I have gone in person to deal with the bank, government, etc. due to all the lockdowns.
I do understand you. Many people even the ones who are not shy, or suffer from social anxiety are not very fan of communicating through phone calls. I guess it’s partly because in face to face communication there’s plenty more information so there’s a bigger chance for a more efficient communication.

On another side, nowadays, I think it’s also preferred communication through e-mail or a chat app because even when lacking of the advantages of a more complete information with face to face communications, we have the advantage of an instant communication at any time and from anywhere.

I often do what your husband does but for different reasons. I always try my partner do the phone calls and all these procedures for me. He doesn’t have any problem with communicating with people through any mean. But, I understand that it’s not my best choice if I want to progress.

Hahahaha! Your Spanish is very good indeed, but I can guess how it’s even more difficult a conversation on the phone when you have to use a second language and you have to make them know exactly how to write surnames so strange for them. It must be a mess lol!
You are very brave.

If I’ve ever spoken to someone whose native tongue was English has been because my partner sometimes pushed me out of my comfort zone. I so hate it so much when he does this.
It’s curious the role that self-confidence plays. He only knows a few of isolated words in English however, he has enough confidence, strategies and imagination to make him be understood and maintain a communication with a person who speaks another language.

I don’t. I have to find the exact word, for the right context, with the most perfect pronunciation I can guess...if I don’t find the word I get blocked. Well...I mess.

Thank you, friend, for your insight!

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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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