Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

@AgentQ9A, When I get into these moods I later on change my mind, & then I'm glad I am alive to witness so many wonderful things. I love Nature, Sprlngtime flowers & birds, music, science, especially about our sun & planets, & wonderful books, & learning new things, & I plan to get back to my healthier routine that made me feel happy & looking forward to things. This is a very hard time. It's really hard. But it's not going to stay this way. It's going to be much better, just like when things got better in the past.

Thanks again @Breaking Dawn! I was just chatting and that helped a little. Like I've read before, I don't want to die, but I just want the pain to stop and I just don't see anyway other way to stop it. I will give it another day and see if things are better. It is indeed a hard time, I hope it does get better. For all of us.

I appreciate your help and input.

Sorry for still posting. I'm having a very weird day. I almost feel normal and maybe even a little positive about the future. It's scary. I've been telling myself that I'll be leaving life soon enough, but today I feel almost... good? It's freaking me out. After the last week, I don't know what to make of it. I know I should just focus on today and try to enjoy it. Maybe this is the universe's way of screwing with me. F'r!

I am feeling the anxiety but also feeling a sense of hope. Yesterday I fulfilled some goals, & that encourages me.

Im glad youre feeling better than you were @AgentQ9A
Im sending positive thoughts and hugs your way
You never have to apologise for posting!


Im really glad you are feeling hope! Well done for fulfilling some goals!


I just checked my messages and realised that Im supposed to be playing for my sport's team tonight but I havent played for over a month because of COVID restrictions and Im so anxious! I dont even know if Ive got the energy.

Im thinking about avoiding it but all I can hear is my therapist telling me how I am an anxious-avoidant person and I need to try to manage this

Hi,
I don't usually post in this thread. It causes me ''too much'' anxiety.

I personally am not a fan of labels such as ''anxious and avoidant''.... I think it can contribute to a sense of guilt and shame. I also am not a fan of certain words.... UGGGHHHH

Sorry about the Grrrrrrrrr post. I think I need to go back to ''avoiding'' and hide under my rock



PS maybe part of managing anxiety is being kinder and gentler to ourselves? What do y'all think?

I also think it's ok to ''avoid'' some things. It isn't a crime, at least the last time I checked it wasn't

Lately tylenol has been working better for me then valium has. It makes me think what I am feeling is not really anxiety. Last night I was in a borderline crisis. I took a tylenol pepcid combo and realized I just felt like **** physically for some reason that didnt have much to do with my anxiety. I've been taking my mental health meds at the correct times today because after about noon my physical health got under control. I need to contiune to learn the diffrence between the 2 so I don't get confused.

I told my brother about my situation and he's decided to help. This is good and bad. I appreciate him helping, as I need it, but his way of helping sometimes feels like bullying. Of course it could be my mental state that sees it that way, I don't know. He's called or texted every FREAKING day for the last week. I have no peace or time to mentally process what he thinks I should do. And don't I dare tell him that he doesn't understand anxiety and depression. He literally yells over me when I say anything like that. He tells me that I'm not a burden, then does everything to make it seem like I am. But I feel like if I ask him to back off a little, then he'll take it personally and then it really will be just me trying to deal with things. I just wish this was all over. I want out.

Without telling him, my brother has backed off a little. I think he thinks I'm helpless, but I struggle between not wanting to even be here and with overwhelm in trying to move forward with my life. There is nothing so terrible about my life that suicide makes sense, but that's been on my mind for years and no matter if I have a day where I'm completely happy, I still think that's my best option. But I'm trying to put in the effort to find a reason to live and move forward, at least to be there to take care of my dogs. I get horribly overwhelmed when I think about moving and getting a new job and everything else that comes with "progress." Anyway, today has not been terrible, the previous couple of days were pretty good too. But I'm afraid to get his call tonight or the ton of texts tomorrow demanding to know where I am with pulling myself up by my bootstraps. If only life were as easy for those with anxiety as it is presumably for those without. Heck, no more meds, no more therapy, just bootstraps. Ah! Why hasn't anyone thought of that before now?

Dear @AgentQ9A, is it possible that your brother or someone else is undermining your attempts to strengthen yourself? If that's the case (& I know that feeling), can you forgive them & move ahead, in spite of misguided influences? I am wishing for your freedom from negative input. I'm wishing for your enjoyable days ahead.

Hey thanks @Breaking Dawn. I don't think he's trying to undermine me, I think he's just trying to protect himself and prevent me from being what brings him down. My mom was similar. Good at the appearance of love and concern but don't ever ask for help that requires any material help. Small gifts, maybe the occasional good word is fine, everything else is off the books. The problem really is me. I know I need to get moving in life or life will kick me to the curb, and this was going to be my year to do that. But the reality of needing to do stuff to make that happen is overwhelming and I melted down and asked if he'd be willing to let the dogs and I stay with him for a bit should things fall apart here (which is a plan Q, as things will probably be OK). The minute he heard that I might take up space in his house and disrupt his life with the dogs and me, he came out all guns blazing to prevent that, even at the need to poke and prod me to get moving. "I love you, but you ain't staying here. Homelessness won't be that bad for you." I know some of that's hyperbole but, it is what it feels like it is.

Thanks again!

Edit: I'm just angry at the world and mostly at myself. I've let myself down and I don't believe I have what it takes to get out of this mess I'm in. I'm throwing hatred at everyone but me. And I'm the only one to be hated. And I do.

My anxiety was fine all day and then I got freaked out and I couldnt get my grocery shopping done this afternoon and I needed reassursance from my mom about things and I had the whole "is therapy helping or hurting" thoughts again." And the whole "will I be safe at work" thoughts again.

I took my last valium and I'm trying just to relax now.

Have been very anxious for a couple weeks

Im feeling particularly anxious about tomorrow, having to make a number of phone calls to doc, wedding venue, work and dog trainer.
I just wish I could go away for a while from this life and come back when Im feeling better. Like a holiday.

I've been experiencing much anxiety for the last few days. I've also been very tired. Not enough sleep. Tonight, right now is a bit better....

My mood was pretty good last night and this morning. Crazy cold and some snow here, but I didn't let it get to me. I went out yesterday for a library run and this morning for groceries. Honestly was feeling pretty decent, then I had a thought about how I shouldn't get ahead of myself and that it can all come crashing down at any second. So, I'm a little down right now, but not too bad. Some standard worry but manageable at the moment. Now that I realize that I *HAVE* to make some moves in my life, I'm actually feeling a little more motivated to get them done. With the current state of the world, I don't know what that will mean, but all I really want to do is live long enough to be there for my dogs. I feel a little more likely to make that happen now. My friend contacted me about grabbing coffee and I should respond and set something up.

Feeling OK.

I guess the anxiety is better at the moment.

My anxiety was still quite high but I managed to go out and get my dog fitted for a new harness today. I find myself excessively clammy and sweaty in social situations which is not a great look. Im wondering if this is to do with my meds.

Anyway, Im pleased I went out. Maybe Ill try going out with my friend tomorrow.

I just have the normal anxiety I've had all week. It was a bit more intense a couple hours ago but its settled back down. I've taken off my shoes and put on an older hoodie and I'm in bed and trying to relax. I am trying not to take my night meds too early although I kinda could use them. I took my first valium around 3AM and then the second one at 8AM and the last one was around noon. I'm not taking any extras and I do feel like my med managment is ok for the most part. It has improved greatly though over the last few weeks. I took a zofran too which helped as well with the physical stuff I was feeling. I wish I could just get involved with something. I was watching a TV show until it became too predicatable. And my other one only comes on once a week. At least I don't feel needy with my therapist today.

My 3rd valium doesnt seem to be working. At this point I dont think anything will I just have to get this over with.