[darkfeary]

Tell me why I should not just end my life right now? I have been battling constant terror, severe anxiety, major depression, and relentless impending doom for 17 years now and I am now 48. My life is complete crap, empty, meaningless, lonely. I am such a loser. I dread the future especially aging illness and dying every second. It is suffocating me. I have no life and too exhausted and terrified every second to do anything. I worked so hard and tried every type of treatment but nothing helps even a little bit. I never have even one second of peace, calm, joy, hope, nothing. I have nothing to live for. Just endless torture and suffering. I do not even have the guts to kill myself. I just wish I could be normal and feel safe, relaxed, positive, and hopeful. How do I end it quickly painlessly, and peacefully?

[Yaowen]

I am so very, very . . . so terribly sorry for the ordeal you are suffering. Your post is the most heartbreaking one I have ever read and brought my eyes to tears. What you deal with day to day, minute and to minute and second to second, puts the minor ordeals I suffer to shame. Wish I knew what to say that would be helpful.