advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
SandyWeb
Member
 
SandyWeb's Avatar
SandyWeb has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: CANADA
Posts: 345
15 yr Member
169 hugs
given
Frown Oct 19, 2021 at 01:59 PM
  #1
I live alone in a 2-bedroom basement apartment in the back of a building. The view is of a rock wall, and no sunlight gets in the windows. It is cold and damp. The apartment is isolating and overly quiet. My anxiety is getting worse because the weather is changing. It's getting dark earlier, and pretty soon the winds will be coming, snow, power outages, even more cold and isolation. I live alone, but a friend was going to move into my second bedroom to be a support person for me. Just as long as he was going to be within the apartment mornings, evenings, and overnight....I would have been fine. We have been planning this for awhile, measuring where furniture would go, what we need to buy, etc, etc. Since yesterday, he has decided to stay at his own apartment to get his charity work done. He says that I am a distraction and he can't concentrate. He says that his heart weeps for me and he wants to spend time with me instead of staying focused on his work. Now I am totally alone again. He has been staying with me for a number of weeks now. My anxiety levels weren't as bad. We went out shopping, eating, driving, etc. I was out in the world again. But now I'm locked in my apartment without ANY human contact. My anxiety is getting bad, and the dark/night scares me. I'm on Clonazepam, but it doesn't really work all that well. When my fears get too high, I start switching over into psychoses. I've been trying to find a STRANGER to move into the second bedroom, rent free, to help alleviate my anxiety. But strangers scare me, and no one appropriate has applied. I don't even have family or friends to turn to. I am all alone. I cry and talk to God, but I'm only going to get worse if someone doesn't come along. I'm scared.

__________________
The past is a lesson, not a life sentence.
SandyWeb is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, SprinkL3, unaluna

advertisement
SprinkL3
Account Suspended
SprinkL3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2021
Location: DELETED
Posts: 2,752 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
10.9k hugs
given
Default Oct 19, 2021 at 04:38 PM
  #2
Sandy,

I struggle with being alone and having very few trustworthy people to offer me rides once or twice a year to get a vaccine (flu vaccine or booster, in the current year). I'm still waiting on boosters to come available for my high-risk group so that I can get my flu and booster done in one day). I don't know if one of the three people I know will be available, or if I will have to walk it alone to and from for a mile one way and a mile back, but I am trying to prepare for all of the above.

I've been isolated for over 18 months, and I have no windows in my bedroom. It feels like I'm on house arrest. When this pandemic first started, and I was indoors on lockdown, I was scared because I didn't know what to expect. I feared a home invasion, and my PTSD was through the roof. It may not be the same as psychosis, or perhaps it was the possible beginnings of it, but I was having some really horrible intrusive thoughts about all the what-ifs. I called the crisis lines every day - sometimes multiple times in a day. I reached out to whatever friends were available by phone.

I know this is hard for you. It's not easy when someone isn't available. I try to find more than one safe person locally to lean on. Some may be more safe than others, but they are still safer than no one at all. I think I have about three safe people, or maybe really two. It's easier than putting all the pressure on just one person to be our go-to person in time of need. That would be hard for anyone to handle, I think. I try to help out where I can, though I don't have a car and I've gotten too many limitations. I try to offer something in return, but the few kind souls that I know don't want anything in return. They're just not as available as single people though, since they have families or other engagements.

Your friend sounds like a good friend for being honest. If your friend is willing to still be your friend, you could ask your friend how much time they are willing to offer you a month, and then maybe what you could do in return so that it's not just a one-sided friendship?? That's one thought. Another thought could be to ask your trusted friend if they know of anyone else trustworthy, so that you're not putting all the pressure on them to help you? The more people you can build trusting relationships, the better. It may be scary, but you can maybe write a safe list of qualities that you find safe in the new people you meet. You can use that list as your boundaries list for the people you feel safest with. If your friend is inundated with work, you can try your local online or in-person mutual aid groups, as they are likely to find someone to help you - financially, with rides, with a weekly check-in, with safety needs, etc. Do a google search of "mutual aid" with your state or city in the search box, and then see what pops up. They often have groups on Facebook or elsewhere, or sometimes they have a designated website.

Hang in there. I know it's scary, but you can get through this.

If you are in the U.S., you can ask for additional support through either 211 or 311, depending on your jurisdiction. They can offer the number to specific resources in your area for whatever your needs are. You can explain that you need a mutual aid group for assistance with things like rides with safe people, or friendships offered to check in on you once in a while, etc. You can also explain that you might need a local warm line or hotline to call when you're feeling anxious. These are all resources that you can try out in the comforts of your safe space at home.

Medications might also be helpful, if you can contact a psychiatrist to do an assessment online or in person. That might help you cope with the symptoms you've described.
SprinkL3 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SandyWeb
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
SandyWeb
Member
 
SandyWeb's Avatar
SandyWeb has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: CANADA
Posts: 345
15 yr Member
169 hugs
given
Heart Oct 20, 2021 at 07:26 PM
  #3
Thank you for all the wonderful ideas you wrote about. I am sorry you are in isolation, too. I call it "solitary confinement". I told my psychiatrist that and he actually laughed! I wasn't being funny. I truly meant that I was locked in my apartment without any human contact.

I have had a bad day today, and I'm sorry to say that I don't feel up to writing much tonight. Just know that I read what you wrote, and I really appreciate the time it took to respond to me. I wish you all my best.

__________________
The past is a lesson, not a life sentence.
SandyWeb is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SprinkL3
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:04 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.