It is SO exhausting being me

The subject says it all. I'm exhausted... just by living day after day. I am having the worst case of anxiety lately. I am severely worried about so many things 24 hours a day. If someone I care about says one simple thing such as, "I have a headache" or even if I have a headache my first reaction is that something is severely wrong. I get so worried and panic that today it literally just stopped me in my tracks. It's not just things like that... it's EVERYTHING. I can't even explain it. My brain is on overload.

It sounds unreal but I remember having this exact feeling as early as age four... and it just gets worse and worse as life goes on. It always affects my sleep too. My nightmares began at a very early age (probably around age 4) and I still have them. I actually went on a 'sleep strike' once when I was little because I was afraid to go to sleep and have more nightmares... but the longer I stayed awake the more I worried about everyone and everything else.

I know this may sound foolish but I think a very big part of me is terrified to get help partly because I've never known how to feel any other way. It's really hard to explain...

On top of battling all that, I'm still struggling with my depression (moderately), social anxiety (severely), and OCD (moderately). I'm so tired and drained (mentally and physically)... I would go to sleep now... but that would stir up more problems...
Thanks for listening.

I'm so sorry that you're suffering.

((((((((((( Anony ))))))))))

Do you have help, are you in therapy?

I can definitely relate to anxiety, nightmares, and fatigue. I still deal with them to some extent, therapy did help. My fatigue is caused by physical illness but anxiety and sleep problems sure don't help any.

What happened when you were 4?

I understand about not having a clue how it would be without all the symptoms you have now since you're so use to living with them. I wondered that in my 20's about myself. But it doesn't "suddenly" change so you're a whole different person, it's a process, getting help. It took me more than 25 years of living and working in therapy to get my anxiety and other problems in control so I could enjoy life. I recommend therapy highly.

(((((((((Anony))))))))))

I'm so sorry you have to deal with those things, it sucks. I've had terrible nightmares and sleep paralysis since I was younger, and for the past couple of weeks it's been awful- the most detailed, dark, violent dreams. I've also been really anxious, I'm actually supposed to be at class right now, but as I was driving home from the dry cleaners this morning through campus I had an anxiety attack- too many people, just people everywhere (those jerks with their ability to actively participate in society everyday). I suggest trying a therapist, I've been to twelve(obviously it wasn't as successful for me) but I think a lot of people are able to find something helpful from it. I wouldn't worry too much about immediately feeling differently..that kind of stuff takes lots of time and lots of work, usually it's a pretty gradual process. I really hope your day gets better...and mine for that matter. I'll hope for both of us.

Thanks for replying everyone. I guess nothing horrendous happened when I was 4, but we had just moved to a new state (one that most of my family grew to hate) and my parents started fighting everyday since then. I can see how that would lead to depression at an early age but I don't know whether my severe worrying and panic fits in there.
I understand what a lot of you are saying about not immediately feeling different after getting help and I think I'm going to try and get the courage to get help sometime soon

The worrying and panic might work in there because at that age (4) you're vulnerable to "who will take care of me" and the arguing would make you anxious someone was going to leave and the family fall apart. Been there, done that :-) You are feeling it now because it is "safe" to do so, you're not a 4 year old anymore unable to influence your own situation.