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hvert
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Default Apr 30, 2022 at 10:41 AM
  #1
How do you stop anxious thoughts about people behaving in ways you can't control?


My neighbors were out of town for a few months and now they are back. These people have a perfect looking yard in part because they throw all their yard waste into my yard. I have asked them to stop multiple times but it makes no difference.


In the scheme of things it doesn't matter a lot. It's the principle rather than the amount of stuff that gets to me.


The guy is out there now, doing something near the fence line. It just drives me crazy. If I shut my curtains and close my window, I can pretend he's not there, but once I see him out there, I just get so mad!

I had a maple tree die by the fence line a few years ago and think they probably poisoned it somehow. Whether they did or didn't, I don't want to be thinking that way.
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Default Apr 30, 2022 at 03:57 PM
  #2
I have a neighbor like that. It is very aggravating. Its especially bad because I tend to ruminate about wrongs and get stuck in negative feedback loops.

When things get really mad for my state of mind I try an exercise called "putting things into perspective" which helps me a lot. I make a list of situations that could be worse than having nightmare neighbors. I could be stuck in the middle of the desert without transportation and get bitten by a rattlesnake. I could be stuck in a burning building with no way out or worse yet I could be on fire myself. I could be in imprisioned and tortured. I could have end stage pancreatic cancer where pain meds don't work. Stuff like that.

I once had a nightmare neighbor and we had confrontations. Suddenly bad things started happened to my automobile:unexplained flat tires, broken brake line, smashed windshield. I called the police but they couldn't do anything.

I hope you find things that help you. My heart goes out to you.
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Default Apr 30, 2022 at 07:59 PM
  #3
Yup, you know exactly what I mean with these bad neighbor situations. It's the rumination and negative feedback loops that start to get overwhelming. All I have to do is see one of these two walk near the fence and I get on edge. The winter gives me a break because they don't venture into my line of sight but in the spring and summer they are constantly out there making everything look perfect by throwing clippings into my flower beds. Last year I kept finding broken glass in my vegetable garden. Could crows drop it? It seems crazy to me that my neighbors would do that but where else could it come from? Sticks, leaves, and weeds are one thing, glass is something else entirely. I did catch them putting actual trash bags behind my fence so who knows.


I am a little nervous about trying 'putting things into perspective' but it sounds like the trick is to come up with very fantastic and unlikely worse situations. I will give it a go the next time I see them out there.

Bad neighbors are so frustrating. Having a really bad one, like the person who damaged your car, helps put things in perspective when you get one that's more annoying than dangerous. I have to keep reminding myself that these are not the worst neighbors. They are pretty quiet and law abiding aside from dumping their stuff in my yard. I had a different neighbor hit and run my car. I have a camera so I am pretty sure I know who it was - the accident itself wasn't captured but only two cars drove past mine. Those really bad neighbors moved, thankfully, and some other problems stopped when they left. I did not confront them about anything because they seemed sketchy and hostile. The night they moved in, three cop cars came in the middle of the night. I always wondered if they were rude to us because they thought we called the cops on them but I heard about it from other neighbors.


I make assumptions that could be wrong. There was an arson incident nearby that I wondered if those really bad neighbors had been involved in. We also had some vehicle thefts, an unusual event around here. When I warned the very bad neighbor about the thief in the area, I just got a funny feeling like it might be him.
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Default Apr 30, 2022 at 08:03 PM
  #4
I find the serenity prayer helps me.
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Default May 01, 2022 at 08:06 PM
  #5
Thanks, I tried that tip when I saw him this afternoon - and also closed the curtains
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