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annoyedgrunt84
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Default Jul 05, 2022 at 08:46 AM
  #1
I got really defensive about something they said, they texted me and I had been drinking (full disclosure) I have been trying to smooth it over and instead it’s just getting worse. I don’t know what to do. My fear is that they’re gonna tell people around the office about it and everyone will hate me. I really like this job and my coworkers, so I have a pit in my stomach right now about going in tomorrow.

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Default Jul 05, 2022 at 10:46 AM
  #2
I think everyone gets overly defensive about things at times. I know I do.

If your coworker starts insulting you to others behind your back, that is a very mean-spirited thing to do. Two wrongs never make a right.

I've been in situations at work where things I've done have caused people to turn against me but have found that it is often possible to turn things around and win them over again with kindness, understanding and compassion.

It is an unfortunate thing but unavoidable that people form opinions of us often based on insufficient information.

Sometimes people don't really like us just because they've got some problems of their own.

For example, I know a woman who was in an abusive relationship with a man who had a beard. Now she hates all men with beards.

It is really impossible to control what people think about us although we can often win them over with kindness.

Sometimes a problem between people can lead to a better outcome than if no problem ever happened.

For example, a man took a suit to the dry cleaners and they promised him it would be ready by a certain time. When he got there, it wasn't finished yet and he was angry and disappointed.

The dry cleaner knew that the man was staying at a hotel in town and that he wanted the suit cleaned and pressed for a party later in the evening. So in the afternoon when the suit was ready, the dry cleaner drove to the hotel himself and delivered the suit personally to the man in his hotel room.

Not only was the original problem forgotten, but that man then became one of the dry cleaners best customers.

I hope your coworker doesn't do anything mean-spirited to you. Everyone makes mistakes including that coworker. I'm sure your coworker has made plenty or big and little mistakes in his or her life.

Sometimes it can help to keep things in perspective. There are little mistakes and big mistakes.

A couple of men in the last 100 years caused the deaths of tens of millions of people through genocide and forced starvation . . . men like Hitler and Stalin and others.

I'm sure your mistake did not result in the destruction of tens of millions of people, or millions, or hundreds of thousands, or tens of thousands, or thousands or hundreds and so on.

In the grand scale of things, your mistake is far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far away from being a big mistake so I hope you will not be beating yourself up over it.

If your coworker treats what happened as a huge bad thing then he or she has lost her perspective and balance. Hopefully he or she will realize how minor that incident you describe was and forgive and forget and move on.

I am so sorry that you are worried about going back to work tomorrow. I think your feelings are understandable. Hopefully the whole thing will blow over and eventually work out.

I hope you will let us know how things went if you wish to share that. And I also hope that others here with more knowledge, experience, insight and wisdom will see your post and respond to it with better words than my poor words.

You deserve a break and I hope your coworkers will give you one!
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