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Default Jan 29, 2024 at 02:53 AM
  #61
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Originally Posted by OafFish View Post
Another person i talked to decided they didn’t want to talk to me anymore

Honestly I wouldn’t have anything to do with me either if I had the option
Sometimes OafFish illness such as depression can make us feel that way about ourselves too. I know, I’m feeling down about myself too right now.
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Default Jan 29, 2024 at 05:40 AM
  #62
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
Sometimes OafFish illness such as depression can make us feel that way about ourselves too. I know, I’m feeling down about myself too right now.

I don’t know the line between low self image and honest self assessment
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Default Jan 29, 2024 at 11:30 AM
  #63
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I don’t know the line between low self image and honest self assessment
Yes it is tricky and I find when I’m feeling low everything feels strongly like I must be these negative things I believe.

It’s hard when we lack strong social connections because we’re not getting feedback, just the loops in our brain.
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Default Sep 12, 2024 at 12:48 AM
  #64
It’s been a while since I posted here. I feel like my flaky friend has let me down at a time when I needed support.

This year has had a lot of challenges in my family, I’ve struggled with so much happening. I decided to apply for therapy and that’s started now, although I do feel in a better place I have felt irritated that this friend has not asked after me, or shown concern apart from initially (when they did appear supportive) and I’ve stopped making the first move. I feel like I need to take note and not be available if they do re-emerge.

I know the world does not revolve around me and my needs but I feel like a true friend would care.
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Default Sep 16, 2024 at 12:53 PM
  #65
I could’ve written this post myself except for the part about trying hard to not say the wrong thing at times.

I sometimes overshare with people when they talk wbout their problems too. I feel like we’re trauma bonding at times. I don’t do that as often as before though.

Anyways, why do you think that you struggle with friendships? I’m not sure why most people don’t want to be my friend.

Maybe it’s because I’m to shy, anxious & introverted. Maybe they can sense my depression & anxiety even though zi did tell them about my issues.

Maybe you haven’t met the right people yet. Have you tried joining meetup.com? It’s l free to join.

Finding good friends is hard too. It seems like a lot of people just want to socialize with other people on social mecia & thats good enough for them.

I am a good friend, so it kind of baffles me to why I don’t have more friends too. And eith the ones I do have, they rarely intiate plans with me.

Also, very few of them have introduced me to their other friends which hurts my feelings. My bff hsd lots of friends & I only met two of her friends. One of them being anpther anxious depressed lady who lives nearby.

She said that lady was contacting her to often do ehe tried to introduce her to me to get rid of her. She turned out to be a selfish user.l

I wonder if it’s possible that people can sense our loneliness or not?

Also, it’s better to have few to no friends then friends who try to control, use, manipulation & gossip about you.

Get a cat or a dog if you don’t have one maybe. Cats are better than most people, lol 😆
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Default Sep 16, 2024 at 12:58 PM
  #66
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I believe that is IS pragmatic rather than negative thinking about friendships. Society has programmed us to shun anything/anyone who doesn't conform to social norms.

Well, not everyone requires friendship to thrive. And that doesn't mean they have a mental illness, in my humble opinion.

I have always been a veery outgoing introvert. That personality style (INFJ) is veery difficult for some people to adjust to and accept.

Trying to figure out other people's social cues isn't necessarily autistic (although it could be). There are health conditions (not related to mental illness) that contribute to people's difficulty reading social cues.

And, it could also be related to social anxiety disorder too. I'm just thinking out loud and brainstorming causes of social anxiety, since I suffer from that myself.

Social Cues: What They Are and How to Read Them

Friendship may or may not be for you or me in the way it works for most people. That doesn't negate our need for social connection with others, either.
Everyone is different in that sense.

For instance, I despise text messaging (as I have complained in my threads on PC). So, I tend not to forge friendships with people whose communication preference is via email, instant messaging or text messaging. I prefer face to face or phone communication. Finding those same types of people is difficult, but I know they have to be out there.

Find out what your preferences are and let people know so that you can choose whether or not to invest your time getting to know that person based on their preferneces. Does that help at all?

Why is it hard to relate to another INTJ? I’m one.
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Default Sep 17, 2024 at 01:15 PM
  #67
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I could’ve written this post myself except for the part about trying hard to not say the wrong thing at times.

I sometimes overshare with people when they talk wbout their problems too. I feel like we’re trauma bonding at times. I don’t do that as often as before though.

Anyways, why do you think that you struggle with friendships? I’m not sure why most people don’t want to be my friend.

Maybe it’s because I’m to shy, anxious & introverted. Maybe they can sense my depression & anxiety even though zi did tell them about my issues.

Maybe you haven’t met the right people yet. Have you tried joining meetup.com? It’s l free to join.

Finding good friends is hard too. It seems like a lot of people just want to socialize with other people on social mecia & thats good enough for them.

I am a good friend, so it kind of baffles me to why I don’t have more friends too. And eith the ones I do have, they rarely intiate plans with me.

Also, very few of them have introduced me to their other friends which hurts my feelings. My bff hsd lots of friends & I only met two of her friends. One of them being anpther anxious depressed lady who lives nearby.

She said that lady was contacting her to often do ehe tried to introduce her to me to get rid of her. She turned out to be a selfish user.l

I wonder if it’s possible that people can sense our loneliness or not?

Also, it’s better to have few to no friends then friends who try to control, use, manipulation & gossip about you.

Get a cat or a dog if you don’t have one maybe. Cats are better than most people, lol 😆
Thanks @jesyka I appreciate your reply.

I think I’m in a place where I no longer have the energy or motivation to reach out for new friendships. It’s complicated, but I do feel like the few good friends I have are gold standard, if that makes sense and I want to treasure those true connections. I don’t want to make myself vulnerable to find myself ghosted or an option in someone’s life as I have been.

My inconsistent friend emailed, it was long, all about them as it almost always is. I do like them but I don’t have the energy for this. I don’t want to be an after thought in someone’s life.

PS I do think cats are awesome - we can’t have pets unfortunately but I make friends with random cats in the street.
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Heart Sep 25, 2024 at 01:56 PM
  #68
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
snip: I’ve stopped making the first move. I feel like I need to take note and not be available if they do re-emerge.

I know the world does not revolve around me and my needs but I feel like a true friend would care.
I strongly agree. We make time for people that matter, maybe not immediately but you remember them and let them know you think of them.

Maybe people don't know to communicate anymore, especially young people. They prefer to text or use Facebook or whatnot, not actually talking to someone. And it's easy to ghost people with technology. Yet, because of it, it's easier to track down or find someone, much so than it was before all this technology. I remember printed phone directories. If someone was unlisted, you couldn't just look them up online and find a number.

I've stopped making the initial contact or doing the follow up now. I'm fed up and wish somebody would think of me for a change, and be the one to send ME a message or call ME instead of me having to do it first. All I get is political scam texts so I've turned off notifications on that. It's disheartening to just get those.

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Friendship anxieties

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Friendship anxieties

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Default Sep 26, 2024 at 11:06 AM
  #69
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Originally Posted by nonightowl View Post
I strongly agree. We make time for people that matter, maybe not immediately but you remember them and let them know you think of them.

Maybe people don't know to communicate anymore, especially young people. They prefer to text or use Facebook or whatnot, not actually talking to someone. And it's easy to ghost people with technology. Yet, because of it, it's easier to track down or find someone, much so than it was before all this technology. I remember printed phone directories. If someone was unlisted, you couldn't just look them up online and find a number.

I've stopped making the initial contact or doing the follow up now. I'm fed up and wish somebody would think of me for a change, and be the one to send ME a message or call ME instead of me having to do it first. All I get is political scam texts so I've turned off notifications on that. It's disheartening to just get those.
Thanks Owl

Yeah I get that, it sucks to be always the one to reach out. I’ve decided I won’t do this anymore too. It’s emotionally draining.

My inconsistent friend stepped up contact again after I went quiet. It seems like a pattern. But I’ve decided if I lower my expectations of them it doesn’t bother me nearly as much.
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Unhappy Sep 26, 2024 at 02:20 PM
  #70
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
Thanks Owl

Yeah I get that, it sucks to be always the one to reach out. I’ve decided I won’t do this anymore too. It’s emotionally draining.

My inconsistent friend stepped up contact again after I went quiet. It seems like a pattern. But I’ve decided if I lower my expectations of them it doesn’t bother me nearly as much.
Sometimes people do step up if I go quiet, but if that's what it takes I don't want to be bothered. That's not a real friendship.

Many years ago I thought I was keeping in touch with former co-workers, BUT unless I called them, I never talked to them. They never called ME. After awhile I stopped calling, and I never heard from them. Good riddance. In hindsight, it was the right call.

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Friendship anxieties

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


Friendship anxieties

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