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Trig Feb 07, 2023 at 08:12 AM
  #1
Feeling Trapped or Abandoned: When Relationships Run Hot or Cold

I’m having a relationship struggle that includes me having this anxiety. I posted it here because it is anxiety at its core, rather than in another forum on MSF like “BPD”. It can be a struggle found in people with cluster B disorders though.

I just want to talk about it and explore this idea on this thread. Feel free to talk about your own experience here if you like.

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Default Feb 07, 2023 at 08:18 AM
  #2
I do not feel bad to be alone by myself. I enjoy my own company and feel very comfortable with myself. The abandonment anxiety I feel is more that I would really be completely alone for good with no one to help me if I need. It is a fear that I will not be able to care for myself and have no one to help me, no money to be perfectly honest. It’s a fear I will fall into such a deep, debilitating depression I will not be able to care for myself. It’s irrational to some degree. In some ways it is a justifiable concern because it could happen in reality.

The engulfment fear is in a sense that I lose myself but only because I am with that other person who it putting something out as the impression that make on others. It is a bad impression of them that they are showing. They are behaving in a way that I do not like, and I feel like it is a bad impression on me. Because I am with them I feel like it makes me look like I am like that person who behaves in a way I don’t like.

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Default Feb 07, 2023 at 08:21 AM
  #3
So I am with a person who, at times, I don’t like, but I am afraid to be completely alone with no one to help me survive.

Plus, I don’t like how they treat me much of the time, but I am too afraid to leave.

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Last edited by TishaBuv; Feb 07, 2023 at 08:23 AM.. Reason: Add more
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Default Feb 07, 2023 at 01:12 PM
  #4
I'm sorry TishaBuv, that sounds really hard.

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Default Feb 09, 2023 at 09:24 AM
  #5
I am now realizing I have back/forth relationships with other things, too. My feelings toward food, exercise, religion, for example. I approach then avoid. I go back and forth with my choices and actions and am not consistent. I am consistently inconsistent! It isn’t just back/forth with people. It has been back/forth with only a few people whose actions prompt me to go back/forth. It is not my antagonism, it is theirs. They are not consistent in being good, loving, kind, fair toward me. There are other people with whom I have never had an issue. I do not feel it toward people who are not the closest to me, those few who I feel a minimal expectation is warranted and they disappoint. I feel they should treat me better if they really love me as they profess. But I am also inconsistent in my feelings about myself and these other things, concepts, behaviors, choices and not just people… interesting.

I am working on maintaining consistency for good choices. This is a strength I need to build in myself.

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Default May 30, 2023 at 01:40 AM
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