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Default Apr 12, 2023 at 01:28 AM
  #1
If you're like me somewhat, your past has closed you up? Anyone of you, can you talk about that?

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Default Apr 12, 2023 at 01:33 AM
  #2
yes. i feel a deep shame when i share my story, things about me, things i am going through. my diagnosis, it feels like a dagger to relationships when it comes from my mouth. i associate the word crazy and dramatic, etc, thinking that others are thinking this when i dont even know what their reaction is. i cant keep it all to myself, the deep pain and identity i carry, this illness. i cant just not speak out. but in the past, yes, i have received that i am "too much" or that i am seeking drama, etc, and i fear getting this response from people i care about.
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Default Apr 12, 2023 at 09:10 AM
  #3
I’m interested in this if anyone wants to share, someone close to me has told me they struggle with this, I don’t pressure or coax them but don’t know how to help.
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Default Apr 12, 2023 at 12:45 PM
  #4
Thank you so much for your responses. I have fear. Hard to explain.

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Crazy Apr 12, 2023 at 01:50 PM
  #5
Not exactly.... It's finding people who are comfortable with it and able to do the same, after all that's how we bond. It's how we truly connect, not by having 2,312 followers on Twitter. That's not a real connection.

I've been told I'm really articulate and open, yet feeling SAFE to do so is another matter altogether. I CAN do it, but WILL I? It depends on who the listener is.

And having grown up with emotionally distant ("emotionally immature", I'm told) parents, I lacked validation growing up and was silenced when trying to express myself. I was told I'm too sensitive, too emotional, too dramatic. Flawed, in other words. Well they were NOT sensitive enough.

Now I won't be silenced, but I need to feel safe to do so. That's the hard part. People can't handle it. The ones who can have said my trait is a good one to have, not a flaw.

Anything I post on here is the same thing I'd say out loud, to someone's face or over the phone. But there's no one there so I come on here. In a way it's easier to be more open online, since there's no preconceived notions of people such as how they look.

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Problem opening up?

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


Problem opening up?

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 12:33 PM
  #6
I also feel it’s easier to open up on here in the way we don’t have relationships as such so no worry we’re going to impact on them. I’m also careful who I open up to but I do have a couple of people I feel safe todo that with in real life. I wish everyone had that.

My relative who says they are a ‘closed person’ has had a lot of trauma in recent years, some of it is ongoing. They used to talk more but don’t now. I wonder if they are afraid too, afraid of burdening others or afraid of their own pain even.
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Unhappy Apr 13, 2023 at 12:42 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
I also feel it’s easier to open up on here in the way we don’t have relationships as such so no worry we’re going to impact on them. I’m also careful who I open up to but I do have a couple of people I feel safe todo that with in real life. I wish everyone had that.

My relative who says they are a ‘closed person’ has had a lot of trauma in recent years, some of it is ongoing. They used to talk more but don’t now. I wonder if they are afraid too, afraid of burdening others or afraid of their own pain even.
I have just one person to open up to, and just one more would make a HUGE difference.

Real friends won't consider someone confiding in them to be a "burden". What if the situation was reversed? I don't think they'd want to be seen as being a burden. That's awful. We all need somebody sometimes. Animals are great but they can't talk.

Anyway opening up is a risk, you don't know what the other person will say.

Yesterday I vented on someone about technology and she said "Better get used to it." WTF? This coming from someone who's a therapist but I know from experience that doesn't always matter. And we even talked about that! (People not belonging in the field or saying the wrong thing) She's not MY therapist but considering her occupation and previous conversations, I was sure she'd be way more emphatic.

I don't get people. Right now I'm disgusted with the human species. Destroying the planet and being phony.

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Problem opening up?

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


Problem opening up?

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 02:22 PM
  #8
Oh gosh yes I’ve come across a couple of people working in therapy who I wouldn’t say were empathetic at all. She shut you down when she said “Better get used to it” - yet some people can’t get used to technology, you’re obviously reasonably able as you can post here but my parents are so confused they would never be able to get that far. We’ve all got limitations.

No I agree it isn’t at all being a burden but I wonder if this is something my relative might fear. Maybe I might try to talk to her about it. It’s difficult as we rarely see each other these days, not by my choice.
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Unhappy Apr 13, 2023 at 02:51 PM
  #9
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Oh gosh yes I’ve come across a couple of people working in therapy who I wouldn’t say were empathetic at all. She shut you down when she said “Better get used to it” - yet some people can’t get used to technology, you’re obviously reasonably able as you can post here but my parents are so confused they would never be able to get that far. We’ve all got limitations.

No I agree it isn’t at all being a burden but I wonder if this is something my relative might fear. Maybe I might try to talk to her about it. It’s difficult as we rarely see each other these days, not by my choice.
I may seem a bit off topic here but since technology is how we (are forced to) "communicate", I wanted to say I had recent trouble with emails. I got these error messages, TWO days after sending messages, saying they weren't delivered because of a server error on the recipient's end.

I later found out they DID get them and also replied, but I didn't get anything on my end till 2 days after the fact. Even a tech savvy person couldn't say what happened. I prefer phone calls but everyone wants to email or text. Not what it's cracked up to be. And this was to the apartment building manager who insists on email. My sink was backing up and I wondered why he didn't reply!

Yeah I can post on here but this is the only site I socialize on. I do a tiny bit on Goodreads but that's not as busy as it used to be either.

And a lot of times I don't know what I'm doing on my phone. I don't know whether to say yes or no when it asks me stuff.

Back to opening up.....technology CAN make it easier in that the other people can't see/hear you....as long as the effing thing WORKS. And there's the privacy thing too. More comfortable talking on a landline but nobody wants to do that anymore.



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Problem opening up?

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


Problem opening up?

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."
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Default May 22, 2023 at 06:58 AM
  #10

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Default May 23, 2023 at 09:22 AM
  #11
I definitely have this..

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Default May 27, 2023 at 10:36 AM
  #12
I opened up to my mom about my anxiety disorder. I even printed out NAMI sheets she could read. Her response:

"There's no such thing as anxiety disorders. Everyone experiences anxiety once in awhile!"

Thanks mom. Sigh.

Do most people have crippling anxiety that prevents them from doing things? I didn't think so. If she would have said my bipolar wasn't real because, "Everyone experiences mood swings." I think I would have lost my ****!!!

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Unhappy May 27, 2023 at 01:17 PM
  #13
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Originally Posted by raspberrytorte View Post
I opened up to my mom about my anxiety disorder. I even printed out NAMI sheets she could read. Her response:

"There's no such thing as anxiety disorders. Everyone experiences anxiety once in awhile!"

Thanks mom. Sigh.

Do most people have crippling anxiety that prevents them from doing things? I didn't think so. If she would have said my bipolar wasn't real because, "Everyone experiences mood swings." I think I would have lost my ****!!!
A bit off topic but that reminds me of how I told my mom I lost my job almost 20 years ago. Her response: "A lot of people lose their job". Gee thanks mom.

I'm not a "lot of people", I was her daughter and thought I'd get some warmth not invalidation. She was an emotionally unavailable and cold mother in some ways.

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Problem opening up?

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


Problem opening up?

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."
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