Dealing With Panic Attacks, worse on an annual basis

How has the anxiety been lately, overall? Has it calmed down a bit, or is it still pretty intense at times? Is this the time of year when it tends to ease? Do the meds feel like they are helping?

That's interesting that you've always had a strong focus, but the anxiety has cropped up and changed how you can, or can't, do that. Do you think the anxiety is somehow a result of your ability to be strongly focused, or something unrelated that ruins your ability to focus?

Exhaustion has always been a big factor for me with anxiety, and not like being tired, but more like worn out- if that makes sense? Maybe tired is physical and worn out is mental? It can be much easier to slouch on the sofa and power down physically, than it is to power down mentally.

In recent months I've been reading essays by The Minimalists, and one of their friends has a habit of taking a mental break for 30 minutes each day. The guy says he just relaxes and lets his mind wander wherever it wants to go for 30 minutes- then he gets back to his other tasks, and is more productive and less distracted because he's allowed the random stuff to process itself out. It's probably an inadvertent CBT/mindfulness technique. It's an interesting way to test if you have the ability to allow thoughts to float around and come and go, rather than latching on and mentally gnawing on them (like I tend to).

It can definitely be hard to get social needs met as an introvert. It's tough to connect with people who "get it" and won't be put off if you take a little space for yourself. Sometimes it seems easier for me to socialize with casual acquaintances- the kind that you can seek out randomly and chat up, if and when you're feeling social. Back when DD was in elementary school, I used to walk up to get her, and would talk to the same six or so people everyday, which was great. Now that she's older, I miss that very predictable connection that didn't come with a lot of time, or other, expectations/obligations.

Your grandfather sounds amazing. He came up earlier in the thread, didn't he? You must feel blessed to have him. It sounds like he was the one who really stepped up for your needs when neither of your parents were able to do that for you.

After having a kid, I became especially aware of the difference between showing up in a meaningful way, and just showing up. It sounds like your grandfather is one of those people who knows how to connect and show up in a truly meaningful way.

Iroh is easily one of my all time favorite animated characters. I love him and how he operates through the world in such a straightforward and zen way. That's really awesome that your grandfather embodied a lot of Iroh's vibe, and great that you had someone like that as a mentor and supporter.

Oops, I misunderstood what you posted about the progressive relaxation technique as something you wanted to try for sleep's sake. Maybe you meant just as a relaxation technique in general? That's good if sleep isn't an issue for you (you may have said that before on the thread), since it is for so many anxiety sufferers. You do have a very unique work schedule.

I hadn't thought about the TRE falling into a category of self soothing repetition. That's a really good perspective, you might be on to something.

I don't mind posting here, but if you feel like it gets too long, or too off topic for the forum, you're more than welcome to shoot a private message my way.

Thanks for sharing your site. That makes it easier to understand what you do. I only had a chance to read a little, but will try to get back to look at it a bit more later. It looks interesting, and you're an excellent writer.

How are your talleys coming along with BotW? Got all the shrines now? Good luck finding those seeds, lol.

Yes, it's my dear daughter (DD) who is a devout Zelda fangirl and plays TotK. She hasn't played in a few days, but has a loooong ways to go. She also plays a few other games as well, but this week has been Mario Karting with me . It's hot as heck here right now, so it's lots of staying inside and loafing around for us.

Hope you're doing well!

I've been doing much better lately! Anxiety still comes and goes, but is much easier to handle and deal with. That, of course, is a double-edged sword, since I really can't say which of the myriad of things I've thrown at it is responsible. Is it my meds, has therapy helped re-shape my outlook, am I just less stressed in general, or is it just time? Really hard to say. Did you have any similar experiences when you were getting better?

I think my sense of focus and my anxiety are probably deeply linked going in both directions. My anxieties cause me to deeply focus on things for fear of missing details and that in turn causes more anxiety if I over-obsess. If I don't catch myself, I can waste all manners of time obsessing over a trivial detail of something I'm working on.

Anxiety definitely is exhausting, though - to the point where I generally equate being tired with feeling better because I just don't have any energy left to feel anxious. Part of feeling better has thus been feeling unusually tired these last few days, even for how tired I normally am. It's both a physical and mental exhaustion, but then you have my everyday stressors that are contributing more to the mental exhaustion. I tell my girlfriend that I'm tired all the time and she says take a nap and I'm like, "...not that kind of tired". Though in that same vein, your comment about letting thoughts roll around instead of mentally gnawing on them sounds like something I could only do in a state of fatigue :P

I'm also quite lucky to have a circle of friends that definitely "get me" in pretty much every aspect, particularly with being introverted. I could call them up after months or even years of not talking and it would be like we just spoke the other day. Though I do think that getting out and seeing them more will probably be a positive step for my mental health overall.

And yep, Grandpa is a good man. Taught me how to be a good person. And hardly any of it was with words, he showed me with his actions. Like you said, he stepped up and helped me out when nobody else would and didn't get anything in return except for my respect. And the older I get and the more I learned about the life he lived and what he went through, the more that respect grows. To have had the experiences he has had and still come out the kind and gentle person I know him as shows a remarkable character. Among other things, this man was tortured as a POW in Korea and later blown up in a plant explosion... yet he never allowed anything to sour him as a person. I strive to be like that.

Sorry, rambling a bit. We tend to do that

This forum is fine, I don't feel like we're cluttering it up or anything. Normally DMs would be a good place to share things you're less comfortable posting in a public space, but that sort of seems to be the entire point of this site.

I'm down to just four shrines and about 700 golden poops in Breath of the Wild. I'd initially planned to just find the last four shrines and call it for awhile, but I have been all over at this point and those things are pretty well hidden. So I started up another one of the games I picked up (Shredder's Revenge) and have been having a blast with it. I'll eventually go back to Breath of the Wild for a bit, if for no other reason than to put together all of my random thoughts to write up an article.

Oh, and yes, it's hot as hell here in Houston, too. I step outside for more than two minutes and I look like I drank from the wrong grail. But on the plus side, quality time gaming with the kiddo is a huge plus. I wish I had the kind of mother who played games with me. How long have y'all been playing stuff together?

That's really great that you are feeling much better! In some regard, who cares what the reason is, just enjoy the lack of anxiety.

The only thing I used much to treat the anxiety was CBT; my improvement looked more like a slow upward progression that had little bumps up and down. Sort of a predictable two steps forward, one step back. In retrospect, I suspect a lot of the severe anxiety was caused by overwhelm and exhaustion at that time (very active toddler and dh slowly beginning to experience problems). The CBT for me may have been more about exposure therapy and gaining tolerance, as well as adapting to realistic expectations and limitations- if that makes any sense.

I've always said I'd take being exhaustingly depressed over buzzing anxiety any day of the week. Depression/exhaustion is way more comfortable IMO- at least for shorter periods of time. The worst feeling in the world is that sensation like you could just jump out of your own skin.

I think my sense of focus and my anxiety are probably deeply linked going in both directions. My anxieties cause me to deeply focus on things for fear of missing details and that in turn causes more anxiety if I over-obsess. If I don't catch myself, I can waste all manners of time obsessing over a trivial detail of something I'm working on.

That's good awareness. Put like that, it almost seems like it points back to one of those catch-22 loops where one thing feeds into the other, and back again. The only way off the rollercoaster may be to literally get off of it for a while. Which isn't always easy when your mind wants to go where it goes, or whatever you're doing is necessary.

You're lucky to have those friends with whom you have a long history, are able to connect, and reconnect with easily. Do many of them live near enough that you could see them in person more often?

Your grandpa sounds like an absolutely amazing man to go through the things he has and be the person that he is. It's easy to see why he's such an inspiration to you. I have deep appreciation for his service and sacrifice for the country, and love our veterans very much. Your grandpa is a hero.

The lady who developed dbt (for borderline personality, but there are lots of good life skills in dbt) was borderline herself, and set out to figure out how to improve her situation— back in the day, borderline was sometimes considered too difficult to treat. One question she posed, and sought to answer, was why some people get destroyed by suffering and problems, and some people are resilient and just seem to get better and rise above the problems. Some of dbt (that's dialectic behavioral therapy, if you're not familiar with it) is based on learning to become more resilient. Your grandfather sounds like one of those people she looked to for answers. Have you learned from your grandfather how he moved on and stays a wonderful person despite some potentially serious setbacks? If you could bottle that….

Thank you for sharing about your grandfather, he sounds like the best of the best

Lol, there were few shrines that eluded DD for a while. She's having similar problems in TotK and has to give up at times. She doesn't like to look for info on the internet. She wants to figure it out on her own, even if it takes time.

Glad your new game is fun too. It's good to switch gears even when it comes to pleasurable hobby-type things too.

I wish I had the kind of mother who played games with me.

DD hears that from kids at school all the time. Many of them just wish their parents would find time to talk with them. As a kid, my parents were relatively disconnected workaholics, so that left me aware of wanting a stronger connection with DD. We've always played video games together- there are pictures of her at 3 years old, crashed asleep with a Wii wheel on her lap. (That was about the last time I could consistently beat her in racing)

I grew up with a couple of old Atari consoles, so generally played shorter, arcade style games. Later, I moved on to a SNES, and got my own mom addicted to Tetris . And so on through the years and a couple of systems…

After DD was a little older and got the switch (about 5 years ago), she was interested in playing a lot more and got me into games like Smash Bros., Hyrule Warriors, and Minecraft- in addition to MarioKart and the Lego games we already played. I love playing and spending time with her. Time is fleeting and finite. Time with her is always important.

Hope things are going great for you, and that it was a good weekend with low anxiety.

I am definitely enjoying the lower overall anxiety. But you know the saying... those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it

I forget if it was you or my therapist (possibly both of you) who talked about observing anxious thoughts like clouds passing by rather than latching onto them, and I'm starting to see the wisdom in that. I've been finding myself waking up in the middle of the night with anxious thoughts, but because I find it extremely difficult to hold on to any one thought when I'm lying in bed they've been tending to pass without much incident. I have that initial panic and the urge to go do something to distract myself, but... who wants to get out of bed? I think this is probably the biggest reason I associate being tired with being calm.

Those feedback loops can be really hard to deal with and were one of the primary reasons I had myself pegged as obsessive compulsive when I was younger. And you're right, the only way to deal with it sometimes is to get off completely. Most recently, I said "the hell with it" and bought myself a Switch - something I thought I'd never do. Before Breath of the Wild, the most recent Zelda game I'd played was Ocarina of Time, and I have a reputation as somebody who's very stuck in the retro era of games.
Just jump into the deep end of something completely new.

I do have several friends that are close enough that I could go see more, indeed. We're just caught in that loop of saying we need to get together more often and then suddenly it's next year >.<

And yep, Grandpa is a good man and would probably be the first one to downplay being called a hero. He's just somebody who set a good example for me that I try my best to follow. My biggest takeaway from how he handles things in life is that he is perpetually calm; never raises his voice, never gets rattled, never lets petty things bother him. In a house full of screaming, bickering adults who acted like children, he was the one who was always above it all. I've applied that approach to dealing with other people and it has served me well... you make a good point about framing it to approach my mental health struggles, as well.

It's funny you bring up borderline personality disorder, as it's one of the several issues that my girlfriend struggles with. It's certainly not easy... for her OR me. I've gotten used to a lot of things over the last few years that I'm not happy to say I've grown accustomed to. Since my issues with anxiety pre-date my relationships, I'd written off my interactions with her as having anything to do with my current condition, but talking to you has made me realize that was probably a mistake. I need those boundaries in place if I'm going to be able to take care of myself.

I did just pick up Mario Kart and Mario Party for my Switch, though, so hopefully that will give us something we can do together. We really struggle to find things we can do together due to an overall lack of shared interests, so hoping this will help

(Your daughter sounds adorable, btw - I can just imagine her conked out in front of the TV)

All in all, it's been a decent week. Been keeping myself busy so much that I didn't even notice it shooting by! Hope all is well with you and the family. And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me, as they have really been helping me with my own struggles.

Hey again!

Has your heatwave broken? Ours is a little better at present.

Has the anxiety remained at bay? Feeling good?

Unfortunately, it will come back. It's part of life, but the more you learn about it and yourself, it will become different. You become bigger than it, and learn to handle it differently.

Right now, my anxiety is back with a vengeance. I can't recall the last time it was to this level (for about a week now). There's a lot going on right now, my head is going in circles, won't bore you with the details. Here's the catch-22 though… I'm physically and mentally exhausted, and the anxiety is the type that pulls you up out of sleep with horrible thoughts, feeling like you have a thousand pound weight on your chest and can't breathe, gasping for air. I need sleep to recover, but good sleep isn't happening, and trying to go to sleep means going where the horrible thoughts are, and startling awake with automatic panic.

But here's the other thing- this beast is familiar , so while it's uncomfortable as hell, it will likely improve in a couple of weeks. Once DD starts school, my priority will be as much downtime as is possible until the anxiety abates. Need a deep recharge of the batteries, and fortunately that usually works. This is where you can eventually get with the anxiety- having the severe anxiety crop up, but not letting it throw you off course completely, because you know it can and will ease (fingers crossed- I'll keep you posted in the coming weeks). It sucks, I'm so tired and just want to sit down in a corner and cry, but instead keep moving along, albeit slowly. I took DD to the bookstore yesterday, and it was fun even though I felt a bit like a zombie the whole time… so that sort of thing.

Anyhow…

Jumping into something completely new and different to you, like the switch, is fantastic. Dr. Weekes talked about how much the human brain loves novelty, so doing new and interesting things, or learning new skills can be helpful to both depression and anxiety. She even recommended rearranging and redecorating your home so that things were in different places. Not only does it interest our brains, but it can counteract thoughts that can be triggered by association with familiar sights/experiences.

So many of those veterans like your grandpa don't consider themselves heros, but hopefully it's okay if we do? He sounds like such a well-centered human being. There is so much power in remaining calm, isn't there? But so many people miss that, and think that drama is the way to go. Are you like him? Are you the calm in the storm? CBT helped slow my mind enough to work through problems very slowly, but strangely faster than the people running around frantically.

Oh yeah, life with someone on the cluster b spectrum isn't easy. Looking back even a long ways, I can see dh having behaviors that were sporadic and emotional, but that I couldn't understand as something like borderline until a few years ago, when other issues seem to push his emotional stability to the brink. The problem is that it happens slowly. If you aren't careful, you slowly compensate and allow things to slide until, well, you're codependent like me…

It can be wise to learn about borderlines and strong boundaries. With typical, healthy people, you can have an expectation of normal boundaries between you that are upheld from both sides. With borderlines, it's kind of like you need a little bit more fortified wall, kwim? It's up to you to hold the line and hold them accountable. For example, my DH is so prone to anger and emotional meltdowns these days, that often the only boundary that works is walking away at the first sign that he's spooling up. It's sad, but you begin to lose yourself the minute you cross that centerline in an effort to help them more than they help themselves. There are a lot of good books and YouTube videos if you're looking for some guidance. One of the big ones that comes to mind is "Stop Walking on Eggshells". It's a good overview of life with someone who's borderline, what to do and not do. My dh isn't diagnosed with borderline, but it's one of the things that sort of fits his various issues and it's been helpful to read up on it.

Speaking of YouTube videos, I've been watching a new-to-me channel recently and it made me think of you. Maybe you've even heard of this guy? Maybe he even came up on this thread already? (I'm really burnt right now…) His name is Mark Manson and he wrote a book titled "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***." His channel isn't for you if you're sensitive to profanity. He seems to be a long time anxiety sufferer and his videos cover similar things to what we've talked about here. He delves a lot into the workings of the human mind and human nature, and how we often do the logical thing when what we actually need to do is counterintuitive. It nests with a lot of what I've learned in anxiety and codependency work- that sometimes in trying to solve a problem you do so much that you get in your own way and become your own worst enemy. Anyway, if it sounds like that might resonate with you, you know where to find it.

How are video games going? Is your GF playing with you now? Does she enjoy it? Mario Golf is also fun. Some of the games aren't so much like golf as they are a free-for-all run to the finish line.

Yes, DD is adorable . She's going to be a HS senior next week (that milestone isn't necessarily helping my mental state). Sometimes she's a forty year old woman trapped in a seventeen year old's body, but she's still my adorable little baby . And weirdly, she still falls asleep on the couch like that sometimes, lol.

Well, that's another epically long post. One of these days I'm going to do better, I swear it!

Thinking of you and hope it's going great.

The heatwave is definitely still going on. Worse, a transformer blew outside my apartment leaving me without power for over 30 hours. Ended up having to get a hotel and replace everything in my fridge. And I created such a huge sleep dept for myself during it all that I took some hydroxozine to settle my nerves and it knocked me flat on my *** for about 14 hours. And before that, while I was at work there was a police manhunt surrounding my building.

It's... been a crazy week.

How are things with you? I guess it's one thing to talk to someone who's been through what I'm going through, but another to see them actually go through it. I've done the waking up gasping for air thing myself, though I always thought it was a form of sleep paralysis rather than intrusive thoughts. But I'm rambling. Point is that I can relate and it's inspiring to see you tackle your fears with such confidence in yourself. I hope I can learn to do the same for myself!

It's interesting to mention rearranging your home because I've always been something of a neat freak. I always felt like my living space was a reflection of how I felt on the inside, and so when it's a mess then that's how I feel. But I get a lot of satisfaction and a sense of contentment from being organized. And every so often, a good tidy means a complete rearrangement of things. So I can see it.

I am definitely like my grandfather in a lot of respects. I've learned that it doesn't pay to get worked up over little things. And even when it comes to big things I'm usually pretty chill. I remember when I was younger, a friend of mine borrowed my car and ran it over a tree. The cops on the scene were like, "...you're being surprisingly cool about this given that she just wrecked your car." I mean, what good is getting frustrated going to do? The damage is already done.

I do feel like I let a lot slide with my girlfriend. I give her a lot of slack because of her problems, but she has a hard time respecting boundaries and has crossed some pretty serious lines with me in the past without expressing much in the way of (apparent) understanding for the gravity of her actions. I come down on her pretty hard when this happens, but typically all she will do is deflect. I can definitely relate to the "stop walking on eggshells" because it often feels like everything I do annoys her. Even when I'm rightfully upset about something she's done, she manages to somehow make me feel like I'm in the wrong for being mad.

...sorry, didn't mean to vent there, but maybe that's relatable?

I swear pretty ****in' constantly, so that definitely wouldn't be a detriment to me. It does sound like something that might be worth a watch. I'll have to look it up when I'm actually more awake than I am right now

I've managed to get my girlfriend to play Golf With Friends with me. She likes playing crappy courses that people make and post on the workshop. I got Mario Party and Mario Kart for her to play with me, but she got mad at me the day I finally got her to agree to play and has refused to play with me since. I've been having fun with Mario Party, at least. But most of my game time these last two weeks has been spent reconfiguring and hacking a new laptop I just got.

You remind me of something my grandmother once said about me... that I was 10 going on 50. Something about being raised by old people tended to instill a lot of old people tendencies in me, and one of them was just being totally fed up with everyone else's crap. Sounds like your daughter is the same way. I've actually been creeping up on forty myself and not a day goes by I don't look at myself and feel that age. Dating someone considerably younger than myself probably contributes a lot to that, too... especially when she starts using all sorts of zoomer slang that I can't understand.

Anyway, sorry if this is all a little more disjointed than usual, but I'm still reeling from the impact this last week has had on my sleep schedule. Your kind words and encouragement are always appreciated and bring a lot of much-needed positivity into my life. I hope you are doing every bit as well as the confidence you have in dealing with your own struggles would suggest. Much love and support to you <3

Apologies in advance. This one got very long…

That scenario about the power outage and manhunt would have knocked me off my game too. I'm sorry all that happened to you. Hope you hadn't just gone shopping and filled the refrigerator.

How are you feeling now? Has it steadily improved?

For me, just recognizing that something like that is probably going to throw me, is helpful - then I don't fight it and just let myself recover as it gets further away in the rearview. It's kind of like having the flu; you know you're going to feel like crap, but if you take care of yourself and let some time pass, you'll feel better.

My anxiety has eased up quite a bit in the past week. It's still there, and cropping up to a level 4 or so regularly, but that awful feeling of floating out of your body, or weight on your chest, is mostly gone. One of the first things I did when it started was to put away any projects that didn't need to get done immediately, or that didn't seem appealing. Releasing myself from obligations, and giving myself permission to 'just be', as much as possible, is helpful.

I made some mental notes through it, hoping some of it might be of use here. Something particularly noticeable was my ability to separate the physical sensations from the intrusive thoughts. Through the CBT, it seems I've learned to view thoughts as just thoughts, and then pay them limited attention. The physical sensations are uncomfortable, but now don't seem as directly associated with the thoughts as they once were. I can separate them fairly easily at this point. Does that make much sense? They're related, but can also be treated separately.

The intrusive thoughts fall into two categories- ones that you can do nothing about, like big world problems, or ruminating about things that are already said and done— things you just have to accept. Even DH and his problems fall largely into this category. I'm able to acknowledge them, but then set them aside. Then the second category of thoughts is about relevant problems, things that you can/should actually do something about. Those problems are generally better solved when your mind is clear and in a good place. So either way, during severe anxiety, it's become a matter of acknowledging the thoughts and then setting them aside- some without future intent, and some for a better, later time. After that, what's left is the physical discomfort that needs time and rest to pass.

Gosh, I hope that makes some sense as it seems that's how my CBT has developed to work through a bout of severe anxiety. It's like breaking it down into smaller components and dealing with them one at a time. First, feeling physically better by allowing the sensations to die down (which may take quite a bit of time), then assessing real problems, then acknowledging distressing thoughts that have no solution on my part.

Of course that's not to say that real problems in your life are easily dealt with or don't cause stress. I've got a few I can't seem to solve that feel like they're probably eating a hole in my gut most days. But for the most part, they're easier to accept, or deal with, once the physical anxiety symptoms settle down. They become sucky life stress at that point, rather than suffocating anxiety disorder. Again, this is just how it's evolved for me, and it apparently works well enough.

Waking up in the morning is often when it's the worst. It's like all the thoughts are there, and the physical sensations peek. Again, I set the thoughts aside as best I can, and start slowly moving through the day- get up, shower, eat breakfast, etc- and don't allow myself to get stuck on the thoughts during that time. Sometimes they have to be pushed away repeatedly, but that's part of CBT, the more you do it, the more your brain learns to do it, the easier it becomes.

The worst scenario is having the horrible physical sensations when there's a real world problem you absolutely have to deal with. In cases like that, the method is to move through it slowly, do my best, and be gentle with myself if mistakes are made. I'm only human, and a work in progress.

— so there's that….

Oh yeah, I'm also a big believer that your environment directly reflects what's going on in your head. Like you, when my environment is organized and streamlined, it feels like my head is too. Or maybe it's the other way around? Either way, there's definitely truth to that for some of us.

I do feel like I let a lot slide with my girlfriend. I give her a lot of slack because of her problems, but she has a hard time respecting boundaries and has crossed some pretty serious lines with me in the past without expressing much in the way of (apparent) understanding for the gravity of her actions. I come down on her pretty hard when this happens, but typically all she will do is deflect. I can definitely relate to the "stop walking on eggshells" because it often feels like everything I do annoys her. Even when I'm rightfully upset about something she's done, she manages to somehow make me feel like I'm in the wrong for being mad.

Well… you just described life with someone who's borderline very well. That whole blame-shifting, where it mysteriously gets turned around on you, is the worst IMO. My dh did it so seamlessly at times that I'd be left reeling, wondering what the heck just happened. Not realizing what's actually going on can destroy your sense of self esteem and make you doubt your own perceptions. Thank goodness it doesn't sound like you are susceptible to that level of 'mind F***'. Try to keep it that way.

Dh's moods shift on everything, whether real or just perceived. He's not generally proactive about asking questions or clearing up possible misunderstandings, won't ask directly for what he wants/needs, it's like he loves trauma, and drama at times, and thrives on whatever perception makes him the victim. He has trouble taking responsibility for his own feelings or situations. It can be tiring on this end for sure. Sometimes it feels like constant attempts towards getting baited into a game of emotional tug o'war, and even if you choose not to engage, you're still somehow on the hook for slighting them by not participating. It can be crazy making even with decent detachment and boundaries. Guess that's my vent on the subject for today. Yes, the things you say definitely resonate with me as well.

I'm sorry playing video games with her didn't work out. My dh is similar. Nobody will play with him because he can't keep his sh** together.

Hope you're having fun with your laptop anyway. It's always great to get something new like that. Maybe especially so for you?

Lol about the slang. Younger than you or not, relationships in general often seem harder than they should be, and even more so when there are health/behavioral problems. Dh is a few years older than I am, and at his age should be well matured, but he's become increasingly emotionally immature in middle age as his psychological problems have escalated. To a large extent, age truly is just a number….

DD doesn't seem to know much slang. She really is an old person trapped in a 17 year old's body! I think she's compensated for dh's immaturity with countering maturity. It's sad that she's in that position, and it makes me angry at times. He can be so emotionally reactive that she's learned to not show much emotion around him- it's things like that. She seems well adjusted, but I worry about her long term wellbeing.

But I'm old mom, so maybe that's a factor too. Hopefully I'm doing an okay job modeling adult behaviors for her, even in less than ideal circumstances. I'm about ten years older than you and some days feel 100, some days 18. I could add some bodaciously sweet 80s lingo to this thread, if it would help you feel a little younger.

Thank you for your kind and reassuring words. It feels like you get it. You know pretty much what it is I'm dealing with, and that's comforting. Somebody once told me that whatever you're going through, someone else has, or is going through it too. There's strange comfort in that. Actually finding somebody who's been there is a blessing of not being so alone in it

Hope you're having a good week and didn't lose any ice cream in the power failure (that would be terrible).

Oh, wow, it's been awhile. One downside of doing shiftwork for a living is that time has a way of getting away from you. Feels like I was just messaging here the other day!

I had hit a point a little over a week ago where I was starting to feel bad enough to start taking my hydroxozine more. The good news is that it by and large worked to calm me down, albeit not immediately. The bad news is that since I wasn't nearly as high-strung as I was when I first started posting here, it worked by laying me out on my ***. I was basically losing entire days to the stuff, so they upped the dosage on my Zoloft. So now it's just a matter of actually pushing myself to exercise to offset the fact that being calmer has meant expending far fewer calories.

I have been keeping quite busy, at the very least. Spent a few days scraping up the linoleum in my kitchen followed by a few more days of feeling my age. I miss when I could abuse the hell out of my body without repercussions. Now a few days of manual labor make bones I didn't even know I had start to ache

What you say about putting nonessential projects on hold and taking time to just be when you know you need it is a big thing I have been trying to do with myself lately, ideally proactively rather than reactively. I also understand the idea of separating the physical sensations from the thoughts, which is something I often do try when I'm having a panic attack. And you're right - what makes it bad is the combination of that uncomfortable sensation and my mind telling me that it's something awful. If I split them apart, I focus just on the physical sensation and think, "wow, this is mildly annoying" rather than "oh, God, I'm dying". Kind of makes me think of the meme where every symptom you look up on WedMD tells you that you have cancer. I'm realizing as I'm typing this that this technique is something I really need to focus more on with CBT (which is still coming along very slowly with my therapist, unfortunately). I've said this a few times now, but I feel like I have just as much takeaway if not more from this forum than my actual therapist.

Of course, as you mentioned, there are actual real-life stressors at play right now, as well. I'm bleeding money thanks to 400-dollar a month electric bills because of all this heat, and then my truck got towed last week and I had to pay a 300-dollar ransom just to get it back. My girlfriend has seen me annoyed and even aggravated before, but going to get my truck out of impound was the first time she'd ever seen me visibly shaking with anger. The interesting takeaway for me is that anger and anxiety are mutually-exclusive emotions for me: I can't experience them both at once. That's especially interesting because, as we were talking about before, my mind interprets a lot of different emotions these days as anxiety.

Thankfully, I don't have much in the way of responsibility that I have to put up with when I'm going through these problems. I have a very laid back job, get every other week off from work, and paid a doctor years ago to make sure I would never have offspring. The only major responsibility would be a girlfriend with BPD and no means of transportation, which is kind of a big one. As you put it, I'm generally not susceptible to mind games, but the tradeoff there is that exchanges between us unavoidably come off as me talking down to her or treating her like a child. The fact that there's a significant age gap between us doesn't really help in that regard, either.

I have been having a lot of fun with my laptop because in a lot of ways it feels like a new toy. But it also shows off my tendency to obsess, as well. It started off with me installing foobar instead of Winamp because I didn't like how Winamp was working on my laptop (I suppose this also shows my age) along with moving all of my music over to it. It turned into a massive audit of my entire music collection and a weeks-long binge of acquiring more and more of it. I basically have two speeds with anything I do: not interested or all in. And while it was certainly enjoyable at first, I have a tendency to make anything I do feel like a chore after awhile. And so I finally took a break to play a game called Sea of Stars that just came out last week.

Your daughter sounds a lot like me in that regard. Being raised by my grandparents instilled a lot of old people sensibilities in me. Grandma would always tell me that I was "10 going on 50"

And yes, there is a definite comfort in sharing a struggle with another person. "Misery loves company" seems to be especially true in a case like anxiety because there are all of these irrational fears at play that can make you feel like a very broken person without the validation of seeing that it's a very real problem shared by other people. And that validation can be comforting in and of itself, just like having my anxiety medicine available in case I need it is inherently comforting. I feel for anyone going through the same thing I am because I know first hand how awful it is and how much somebody who hasn't experienced it just DOESN'T get it. It's actually kind of funny (not really) because my girlfriend feels that I am very uncomforting at helping her deal with her emotions because I tend to approach them logically or at least with the intention of helping her fix them when all she really wants is just to be comforted, accusing me of being just as tone-deaf with her problems as my mother famously is with failing to grasp mine. I suppose there's something here for me to learn from that.

In any case, I think you put it wonderfully in saying that you and I being able to share our feelings and experiences has been very much a blessing. I appreciate your support and being able to do so in kind for you in any way possible. I hope your week of going well and that you're still on the upswing.

And thankfully, no, I didn't lose any ice cream in the outage. It was a good chance for me to clean out my fridge, anyway

It's good to see you back, but sorry to hear that the anxiety reared up to the degree it did. Just remember that setbacks are to be expected. It sounds like you managed through it though, and hopefully it gets better from this point, especially with the adjustment in your medication.

Something that was impressed on me early in CBT is that it's a very slow process. They say that with CBT, you aren't going to wake up next week or even next month and feel significantly different. In fact, it's such a slow process that you probably won't be aware that it's happening - you just realize one day that things are better than they used to be. The slow nature of it can make it hard to stick with, because sometimes it doesn't feel like it's working much. Personally, it was somewhere between six months and a year (probably closer to the year mark) of consistently doing the CBT exercises that there was noticeable improvement. There was a realization one day that the anxiety didn't dictate my day quite so much. And it continued to improve from there.

But as you can see, anxiety is still something I'm prone to, and probably always will be, but the tools I've developed over time allow me to be more resilient, more quickly. Be patient, if you stick with it, you will see improvements.

Do you find physical exercise helps your state of mind? Even just walking will improve my mental health. For me, it's about an hour of walking most days, and there's a click-point where it works. Less than 30 minutes, it's probably not going to give much anxiety relief, and too much is as bad as too little.

I realize your comment was probably about the calorie burning power of nervous energy but of course exercise helps with anxiety sometimes. (Though I've also been in places where the exercise was just too taxing and made things feel worse.)

How's the linoleum project going? Large area or smaller? What's going down once the linoleum is up? It does sound like a good project to keep busy, but yep, different aches that remind you of the mileage .

Woah! What the heck happened with the truck? Is that a common scheme where you live? Or something unusual? That's insane. It's easy to understand why you would be that angry. Holy mackerel…

I'm right there with you on those sky high electric bills. Ours is about the same right now

That's interesting about anxiety and anger not being able to exist in the same space. I've been thinking about that in regard to my own experience- it seems like anxiety causes a flight or freeze reaction, whereas anger triggers more of a fight reaction. Maybe it's that proverbial fight or flight thing? Either/or, but not both? Good question/observation….

You seem like you streamline and organize your life very effectively in a way that suits your needs, and your GFs issues still end up weighing on you a bit. Do you think she could do more to help herself? I know firsthand that things are generally a lot more complicated than they appear on the surface (especially online), so take my words with a grain…. One of my biggest flaws in regards to boundaries and codependency has been taking responsibility for others that they should take for themselves, kwim? I step in and take care of things, rather than allow them to struggle with their own stuff. Sometimes other people need to struggle with their own situations. Of course, sometimes they need a little help too, but it's important to be able to recognize when to step in and when to not. It seems like from past conversations you do pretty well at knowing where your limits are, but are there areas you haven't thought much about, or things you do out of some obligation or habit, or because you figure they aren't that big of a deal? Sometimes it's easy to overlook little things that you may not even realize add up to bigger stressors- things you could transfer back to being the responsibility of the original owner.

But I can relate to what you said to some extent, even though my H is in his mid 50s. There's an unevenness between us at this point that doesn't allow it to look or feel like a well balanced relationship.

The last few days H is shifting sporadically up and down mood-wise, and I'm having to detach and not engage his energy. It's not always easy. He's like a little gray cloud (that may storm or not), stonewalling, guilt tripping, or making provocative, baiting comments. At this point I've largely learned to interact with him without getting sucked into his gravitational pull. Which makes it feel like management rather than a relationship at times.

Glad you are enjoying your laptop . It does sound like you got on a little bit of a roll with it there, but your ability to stop yourself and move out of that space is good. Nice that you found a new game to play. That sounds familiar. Is it being advertised a bit right now?

You are so right that someone who hasn't been there probably isn't going to 'get it.' Others will have easy answers, without understanding how difficult it may actually be, or how unhelpful their advice can come across. I'm probably guilty of pulling a few "suck it up, buttercup"s in my time though.

You commented how your GF gets frustrated with your uncomforting responses to her, and what she perceives as a lack of support. That's something I deal with with my H as well, but from my standpoint, it's about getting fatigued by him. In some ways, he's perpetual chaos and drama, and I don't have the energy to do that day in and day out. If you comfort a friend once in a while, that's a nice, normal empathetic encounter; when you are continually being tapped by a needy SO, you're going to burn out very quickly. That's just my opinion and experience though.

So glad that no ice cream was harmed and that you were able to do some proactive fridge and freezer clean out as a result.

Hope this heat breaks soon, and that everything is going okay otherwise.

I know how it is with the general phobia disorder or whatever they call it now. I have had it for decades. Fear, anxiety, tension going down my skeletal system, pain in the middle of my chest, and etc. No one will understand it, but people give you advice on something they no nothing about. It is so misunderstood. Depression, and obsessive compulsive disorder make it worse. I cannot even begin to tell you what it has done to my life. I am coping and hanging in there with medication and bible verses. Hang in there and don't loose hope. Live one day at a time, and do one thing at a time. Get as much sleep as you can.

Does anyone else deal with this? Brokenfriend (Hugs)and(Hugs)

you are not alone, Brokenfriend. The physical sensations associated with anxiety can feel pretty awful.

Your messages might be getting lost in this thread. You might get a few more responses if you start a new thread of your own here in the Anxiety, Panic and Phobia forum.