Finally trusting those around me

sarahxxkristine · Dec 02, 2008, 03:28 PM

I have kept alot inside of me that should have been release a long time ago. But because i was judged so harshly by my peers as a kid, i learned that trusting people wasnt worth the risk. I decided to journal and although it helped alot, it still wasnt enough. i wanted answers, i wanted reactions to my feelings....journals cant give you that. sometimes i had wished someone would eventually read my journal and ask me about it....But i opened up to my tennis coach these past few months (she was a sort of love at first site senario..i felt safe with her...i was infacuated with her the minute i met her...) and she was really open to it and gave me the confidence to speak about how i feel. well, i finally told my mom everything that ive dealt with over the last 5 years of my life...the low self esteem, the harassment as a kid, the internalized racism (im an adopted korean) everything...and she was really supportive about it. And although i sometimes feel like she knows TOO much, at least same time, making therapy appointments doesnt have to be a secret anymore and my mom also said shed help me begin medication to reduce my social phobia symptoms...its like a breath of fresh air....it took my therapist telling me that i didnt trust my parents for me to realize that i they truly dont know me. Im taking my first baby steps to recovery and it feels great.