zooming straight into panic

I think I mentioned in another post that I tend to obsess about things that might not even happen....

I was over at the home of a work friend this weekend. She's considerably more plugged in to the grapevine than I am, so I have to hear everything from her ;-). We have a new general manager coming in January, and there's a credible rumor floating that he's going to clean out my department. My friend said that my name hasn't come up, but that the other 2 are goners.

One of my hottest hot buttons is the threat of unemployment. I was unemployed for almost all of 2002 and I know I can't survive it again. My finances are screwed anyway, but I can't handle the emotional duress again that unemployment brings. So even though I'm supposedly "safe," I'm freaking out.

This morning, my boss didn't even say hi to me (usually the first thing she does) and seems to be going out of her way to ignore me. When one of the sales guys came over, he said hi to the other 2 and to me he said, "Oh, you're here" -- like I'm not supposed to be.

I forgot my Xanax this morning ;-) and I'm working myself up into a state of horrible anxiety and panic. Can somebody calm me down, please?!

thanks

Candy

Just try to chill out intill a boss comes and says the big your gone, or you can fix it right now by going to your boss and saying what is up! Is my job on the line??? That would put an end to you not knowing what is going on
Good luck

Whisper

candybear,

I think - - what's the worst that can happen? Then I think, let it happen if it's going to, up till then I'll try to stay cool.

Good luck

Myzen

Ah, but if I were any good at staying cool, I wouldn't need anti-anxiety meds. ;-)

I'll try, anyway.

Anxiety comes from fear & fear comes from the unknown & the unknown is something we have no control over.

If you can gather any information about your unknown future that may releive you some.

Otherwise, take your med as prescribed (not too little or too much). Take a few deep breaths & don't read things into people's minds that probably aren't there. After all it is october & the new mgr won't be there until January. Your boss & especially a sales guy probably don't know any more than you do about what is going on at the general manager level.

Try to put things into perspective. That is usually a help for panic.

<font color="orange">When you are feeling on the verge of panic like that it is important to start what is called 'abdominal breathing' all doctors say it is the best way to breathe when anxious and I have to agree with them, because it does help tremendously. Also learn to talk to yourself through postive self talk. Let yourself know that you will be ok, no matter what you will be fine. You can get past this, you might have a set back but that's ok you'll deal with it as it comes and you'll be fine. Also if you are feeling really negative write it down, and then write down something postive, even if you don't believe it write it anyways, that will help ease some anxiety, and everytime you are anxious you can read that....that is what i've done in the past and it's been very helpful. </font>

Thanks, everyone. I got another one for ya. :-) I don't think I've been officially diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, my pdoc just seems to think it comes along with the depression, but I am beginning to wonder, not to mention worry myself.

Wednesday generally is my boss's day out of the office. She works from home, a bit, anyway -- I don't think she puts in an 8-hour workday....But anyway, today she is here. Usually on Wednesdays the other guy and I take some liberties with what time we get here, since she isn't here to notice. I rolled in at 8:30 (supposed to be here at 8) and here she was. The other guy is now off on Wednesdays as well. I have no idea what's up with that.

My past experience with bosses who come in when they aren't supposed to has been that it's because I'm getting fired. So my heart leapt to my throat when i saw her here and it took me a long time to calm down, and I still haven't completely yet, though from the bits of conversation I've overheard, the issue she's here to deal with doesn't appear to have anything to do with me.

Is it possible to have anxiety triggers like you have triggers that put you into a flashback or something? Because I think that's what I'm doing. A situation comes up that's the same as one that went badly in the past, and I freak out. I was up till 1 this morning because I was too panicky to sleep and finally had to go take half a Xanax to chill out enough to sleep. Not to mention that all I could think about was cutting.....sigh. Luckily, in saner times, I got the blades out of the house.

I wish I weren't so suspicious and paranoid all the time. Or is it just being arrogant? :-) Every time something like this happens, I automatically assume it's about me, and it's bad news.

BTW Sun, my T is such a proponent of abdominal breathing that we spend a few minutes on it in each session, if we're going to be doing something that's difficult for me. I even have a sign taped to my work computer that says "Breathe!" It sounds funny, but sometimes I forget to breathe even regularly and will find out a few minutes later that I've been holding it after I let it out. Weird, I know.

I will definitely try the other suggestions---thanks.

Candy

<font color="brown"> Alot of the times depression and anxiety go hand in hand, like it was for me. Same with PTSD alot of the time people who suffer from that will also suffer from anxiety disorders.

Anxiety does come with triggers, seeing your boss can very well trigger anxiety. One major trigger for anxiety is feeling hot, that is a major trigger for anxiety. You associate now it seems you boss with anxiety, so everytime you see her you automatically get anxious. Like me, feeling too hot, it triggers that in my brain and associates with anxiety, and then I get anxious.

Does that make sense?

That's good that you and your T are practicing abdmonial breathing that will help keep the anxiety at bay.

Hope that you are feeling better. </font>

At any given moment I can be sweating to death -- 2 of my meds cause excess sweating. And you're right, that usually makes me feel more anxious.

The poop finally hit the fan this afternoon. I thought for sure I was a goner. I didn't get fired, but she sure made me want to quit -- she had a laundry list of about 10 things that she hates about me or about she thinks I'm not doing my job. I went downstairs and cried for 10 minutes and I am still sitting at my desk wiping away tears. It also confirmed for me that I can't trust the other guy in the dept. as far as I can throw him -- I have incontrovertible proof now that he tattles on me. Funny, I never mention a thing about his 2 hour lunches on Wednesdays when the boss isn't here....or how he strolls in at 9 and leaves for the day at noon....because I'm not 45 years old going on 3.

I should be pissed, but instead I'm scared and sad and can't seem to stop crying. So many people have told me this doesn't seem to be the best place for me -- if it's going to make me this upset, I guess it isn't. Too bad the economy sucks and I'm stuck here.



Candy

You may feel stuck wher you are, but it never hurts to start looking for a new position. Seems like you really aren't happy where you are, &amp; they aren't all that happy with you if they provided you with a list. It may be a hint, &amp; wouldn't be bad to take it as such.

I went through the same thing on my last job, but thought I would be able to transfer back into the technical area of the company. When that couldn't happen, I totally fell apart, &amp; have been there for the past 10 years. I let it get to me instead of getting training for a different job &amp; going back to work after that. I am finally feeling strong enough to go &amp; get the training I should have done 10 yrs ago...guess better late than never.

Think about your future &amp; try to plan something different that might make you happier than where you are now.

Oh boy. It got weirder.

After my crying jag in the bathroom, I came back to my desk, e'd a couple people who wanted to know what was going on, and tried to concentrate on work, still all teary. One of the people I e'd came over, looked straight at me and said "Are you OK?" and figured the answer was no when I burst into tears. So we went on a walk around the building till I calmed down (it's a very big building).

I then had to leave for a doctor's appointment. As I was returning to work, I saw my boss leaving for the day. We're allowed several 2-hour paid blocks for doctor's appointments, so I decided to take one and go home.

About 4:45, I get a phone call from a friend here. She said she got into a big fight with my boss about me. I appreciated her standing up for me but feel bad that she's probably in trouble now.

This morning when my boss came in she wanted to know if I was OK and knew that she had my best interests at heart and cared about me and blah blah blah. I lied and said I was fine, because I want it to go away. But I'm still pretty freaked out about everything.

The big boss just came in and the first thing he did was call my boss in and close the door. The marketing guy is in there with them, and we're having big problems with an ad we ran this week, so I'm telling myself it's about that -- but it was in the marketing guy's office that the fight occurred yesterday.

I dunno. I can't come into work every day and be scared of losing my job, I know that. It's all just a mess and I'm heading for the Xanax....

Candy