[confused mom]

I'm a mom of a late teen who has recently been experiencing extreme worries and fears. She's always had an odd phobia or two, but not too unusual - clowns, frogs, and delivery vehicles (?). We are in the process of canceling a family vacation due to her extreme fear of planes. This is someone who has flown all her life. She's also having issues with sleeping, fearful of sudden death, people being in the house, in fact she can't even see to this coming Christmas because she's so convinced that she will die in a plane crash on this upcoming trip. She's never really been like this before.

Her first visit with a therapist was today.
Her GP prescribed Ativan to attempt to get her through this upcoming trip, but she still does NOT want to go on the trip, which, by the way, is to her absolute favorite place to go.

I'm confused about her lack of ability to control her fears. I'm confused about why this has suddenly come on. I'm confused if it's an attention ploy or not, as awful as that sounds (and I sincerely apologize). I'm confused about everything about this, so if anyone can PLEASE fill me in on what might be going on I would greatly appreciate it. I just don't know what to do! I'm confused, but I'm also concerned. What can I do to help her?

Your input is greatly appreciated!

[gimmeice]

Hello confused mom, it's nice to meet you. My advice is to continue to work with this therapist, she can help you learn some exercises to help her through her fears. I don't know if it an attention getting thing or not but the things that she will learn in therapy should help her through out her life.
There is also a healthy parenting forum here that you may find helpful with these kind of issues and every wednesday from 4:30-5:15 pm est I host a parenting chat where you can find support from other parents.

[multipixie9]

may i ask you a question or two? is your daughter normally a truthful person? does she manipulate a lot or just the regular teenage kind of stuff?

if she is normally pretty honest and not prone to manipulating a lot to get her way, i would suggest you start by believing her fears are real to her. is it possible that something happened to her, an experience while she was away from your home? life can throw things at us and especially when we are young it is hard to know how to deal with/work through these problems.

i wish i had more wisdom to share, i have one child prone to fearfulness and we've been through some challenges with her due to this.

you are doing some things right - seeking medical help, seeking counseling and being compassionate toward her in spite of the problems it is making for the family. there will be other years to fly away for cool Christmas vacations. but it seems to me that you are giving your daughter a huge gift by doing what is best for her in spite of family disappointment. you are also not waiting until her problems are totally overwhelming.

i hate feeling helpless where my kids are concerned, it truly gets to me. i just want them to be safe and reasonably happy. i hope things begin to turn around and she can work through the difficulties she's in right now. i would have given anything to have had a mom like you when i was young. keep posting; there's good support here and you need support for you so you can help her!! hugs,

leslie (mom of two daughters in their 20's)

[confused mom]

Thanks for the info!

Thank you, Ice - I'll be sure to look those up.

Pixie, She's kind of in the middle. She's pretty honest but has been known to manipulate, mostly when she was younger. I suppose I shouldn't even be questioning it, since the trip is to somewhere that she LOVES, and in her right mind would never even consider not going.
We did have an incident last year, two flights ago, where we lost and engine and we had to turn around and change planes, but we've flown since then. Seems she's been having some bad dreams of late, flying, driving, people breaking in -and the thing is she hasn't said anything about any of this until recently so we didn't know. I'm a nervous flier (but not out of control nervous - I medicate), her dad is a nervous flier and has bridge phobias as well as a couple panic attacks in his history, and her half-brother has flying problems. She says right now EVERYTHING scares her.

[confused mom]

I could have SWORN I added a reply. Now I don't see it.

First, thank you both.

Ice, thank you. I will check out that forum area.

Pixie - usually truthful, but like most teens has been manipulative before. (and she's a theatre kid...) The one thing that makes me think she's sincere is the trip. We were going to her absolute FAVORITE place, but she's not looking forward to the trip, not wanting to go. She says she can't even think to Christmas this year because she's dreading the flight so much, and thinks she's not going to make it to Christmas. I'm trying to be compassionate but know I haven't been to some degree, in trying to get to the 'bottom' of this. That has pissed her off, but I can't help my doubtfulness at times about all of it. *sigh* Thank you so much!

[confused mom]

Oh crud. I saw where posts aren't updated immediately, when I posted that SECOND reply in which I said I didn't see my first reply. I'd delete it, since it's essentially the same but a little different wording, but I don't see where I can. Well, I guess I'll just be redundant...

[Sannah]

Mom, I would believe her. So your husband is anxious? Growing up with an anxious parent does not provide a secure environment for a child. If you grow up in insecurity you will likely be anxious. Our environments are everything. In therapy she can learn how to feel secure. What you can do is to provide that secure environment for her. Be her rock, be secure, and she will sense this and it will provide her some security.

[jaeyw]

Mom,

I have GAD and know what she is feeling. I get these unfounded fears and am anxious almost all the time. Up to this point I have only had medication treatment, therapy has been unavailable.

I use Klonpin, a related drug to Ativan, and is does wonders for me. From her experience the upcoming flight cause so much anxiety that it affects your daughter's daily life. I had a fear of flying that lasted a few years. At first I took Xanax and it made the flight easy to deal with then my confidence came back and now I can fly drug free.

I dont know if this helped, but I can identify with you daughter's fears.

J