I never dreamed anxiety could get this bad!!

Hi everyone

I've suffered with anxiety for years and even had the worst "nervous breakdown" of my life about ten years ago in which I was totally helpless and incapacitated for over a month. It was all I could do just to even feed myself and I truly thought I was going mad. I had always believed that when people used the term "anxiety", they simply meant that they were a little nervous about something but I never dreamed that anxiety could actually be THIS bad. Let me tell you, it is a hellish NIGHTMARE!!.

My "bat incident" the other day (please see my posts in the 'general' thread) acted as a trigger and caused my anxiety to return in full force. For days now I have been sleeping in very late and waking up in a gloomy, hungover, surrealistic fog. Most mornings, I wake up and my mind is so filled with anxiety, panic, gloom and doom that I just roll over and go back to sleep rather than face the day. It's just too much to bare. I feel like I am going to die and have literally been ticking down the days and trying to take care of my final affairs. All this because a bat flew 20-25 feet over my head about 4 days ago and in my mind bats=rabies=automatic death sentence. No, it did'nt attack me. No it did'nt bite me. Yes, I went to the ER - as silly as I felt. But still I was in the same area so in my mind, this equals "exposure" so again, I have been ticking down the days and you can't imagine (or maybe you can) what it's like to be sitting around here each day just WAITING TO DIE.

The other thing is that I have read, heard (and experienced for myself) that allergies can make your anxiety/panic worse and right now the pollen is unbelievably high in my area. I also suffer from chronic sinusitis, allergic rhinitis and a deviated septum (which I've mentioned before). Now to put this all into context, the other day I watched a movie about a man who had rabies (of all things!) and this man was having problems with blurred vision (caused by the rabies) and now I'm starting to have blurred vision from time to time and it is scaring me to death.

Now, I'm pretty sure I've had blurred vision in the past due to my high blood pressure or because my eyes were a bit misty because of my allergies but my anxiety is telling me that it is due to rabies that my eyes get a bit blurry every now and then. That's what's so horrible about anxiety. Your mind always leaves room for doubt and focuses on the possibility that some horrible disease is causing your symptoms. You also become hyper-aware of every sensation going on in your body and tend to attribute each sensation to a "warning sign".

Let me ask you all something if I may. Do allergies affect your vision in any way and how?. I'm really freaking out right now so I'll have to either post again later or edit this thread and continue.

EDIT: The other thing I wanted to mention is that about 45 minutes after dinner last night, I got some pretty severe stomach cramps followed by loose bowels (sorry, gross I know). Both my mother and myself suffer from IBS (Irritable Blowel Syndrome) and Lactose Intolerance and I've had bouts like this before but because I read that "stomach pains" can be a symptom of rabies, I was really freaked out last night. Gosh, I hate this )-:

EDIT AGAIN: I thought I should mention that I have also been taking Atenolol, Lorazepam, Xanax and last night I was so freaked out that I took 25mg of Atenolol, 0.50mg of Xanax and a tablespoon of NyQuil.

Thank's for all your help!!

(((((GREY)))))

I can sympathize with you sweety. I too had what I describe as a full blown "breakdown" a few months back which left me incapacitated for a long while. I recently back to work after this whole nightmare and I still struggle every minute with this horrible anxiety.

I will try to answer each one of your concerns based on my personal experience. As far as the blurry vision, I have had that with my anxiety attacks. In addition to the blurred vision, I sometimes experience trail like effects. In fact about an hour ago, I had a panic attack and the first thing I noticed was the blurred vision which made the situation worse. Rationally, I think I know each symptom but in the middle of a full blown attack your rational side is no where to be found.

I get so darn angry at times that I can't convince myself that anxiety is something that comes and goes and it's in my head. It's so powerful over me that I can't shake it.
I too posted something last night that was extremely painful for me that I wanted to share, but it ended up back firing and left me feeling like a complete wreck.

Stomach problems....This too is caused by anxiety. Many a times have I been sent running for the rest room to take care of business due to severe stomach cramps.

I hate anxiety so much and I would give up my right arm not to be plagued with such a horrible disorder.

All I can tell you is that I know what you're going through and your not alone. If you ever need to talk just PM if you'd like too.

Take care

Sorry, I stepped away for about an hour to try and get caught up on some things. It's nearly impossible to get anything done sometimes once the anxiety/panic hits and all you can think of is some horrible disease you might have, dying, etc. Obscessions sure can consume a large part of our lives sometimes.

Yes, that would be great if I could PM you and vice-versa:-). As a matter of fact, I was thinking I would maybe even redo my profile and add my IM screen names. I would always welcome IM's. I don't really have anyone on my buddy list at the moment but I used to have lots of people there many years ago. I really miss those days and getting to talk with people one-on-one.

I really appreciate you sharing your story with me like that. It let's me know at least that I am not alone. I would'nt wish this horrible disorder on anyone. Once the "steam-roller" of anxiety hits and begins to gain momentum, there seems to be very little to stop it outside of maybe a good stiff shot of Vodka or a handful of "happy" pills. For me, talking to other people helps a LOT.

I guess what is the most frightening about Anxiety/Panic/OCD/Hypo is that once the proverbial "snowball" begins rolling, it has some pretty horrific symptoms of it's own (including physical ones) and it's so easy to then misinterpret these anxiety-related symptoms as being the disease you "thought" you and of course, the more you fret, the more intense these symptoms become until you swear your about to die at any moment from your "disease". It actually feeds upon itself and is self-sufficient like it's own little "fear factory" (if that makes any sense).

Anyway, thank's again so much!!:-)

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I guess what is the most frightening about Anxiety/Panic/OCD/Hypo is that once the proverbial "snowball" begins rolling, it has some pretty horrific symptoms of it's own (including physical ones) and it's so easy to then misinterpret these anxiety-related symptoms as being the disease you "thought" you and of course, the more you fret, the more intense these symptoms become until you swear your about to die at any moment from your "disease". It actually feeds upon itself and is self-sufficient like it's own little "fear factory" (if that makes any sense).

Anyway, thank's again so much!!:-)

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Hi Greygoose,

Hang on in there, Greygoose. I know it's hard to believe that others have been in the same situation, but I'm beginning to think that there are people on this site with very similar experiences.

I took two years of IBS symptoms, never pain free for the whole time. Not easy, but I got through it.

I hope it gets easier for you.

Cheers, Myzen.

HI Greygoose,I haven't been able to post in a while so read your post with interest and concern.Boy, can I relate!I'm bipolar,OCD,BPD and anxiety disorder.I have often said that the anxiety is the most challenging aspect of my mental illness,whether it's the OCD symptoms or depression.As you have seen,severe anxiety affects your physical as well as mental clarity so if you aren't already doubting your sanity from the obsessing,the physical symptoms just confuse things more.It helped me to know how the anxiety affected my physical responses so that I could recognize those fears that were related directly to the anxiety itself and not my thinking(make any sense?).Sometimes the fear of being anxious is devastating all on it's own.Fears are not always rational but if you are finding the situation this overwhelming,it's hard to see the forest for the trees.I would go see your dr..Even if you're on meds he or she might make some adjustments even temporarily.I don't know if this helps.Hope you're feeling much better soon.One things for sure...you are definately not alone.jill.