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captaineo
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Member Since: Jul 2016
Location: Tokyo
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Default Apr 11, 2021 at 11:51 PM
  #1
Dear friends,

I have written for some time in this forum and for those who have supported me throughout my eternal thanks and wishes for a better future.

I write these words again seeking help. Because of my condition, which may have started early in 2001 or even before I moved to Japan, I have lost the love of my life and my two daughters and have gotten into a lot of debt trying to do enterprise so that I can get enough money to save my kids, but failed and I am in debt. My personal health has been compromised by my self mainly and by the dynamics of society which impacts my behavior, the way I feel and so on, as James Baldwin everything in this world has made to be for the white people and thus there is no space for someone of color even though I am very light tan skin. Not trying to make excuses on something as unsolvable like race. Just mentioning it here because there is a component where race plays a card. Specially in the world Today. So my daughters are half Japanese and half my race, well South American and I come from a middle high class which gave me every opportunity because my Dad was great in business, something which I am not and have failed as I mentioned earlier and I have lost everything. All I am wondering now is when to move to another side. Meet with my beloved ancestors.

But before I do anything, I wanted to ask, do I have a right to live. Where can I go but to heaven or hell. Somehow I feel I have overstayed my welcome on this earth. My kids and my wife and my life at large was taken from me, by mean people who envy someone like me can you believe it, or just doesn’t like people like me. Which ever the reason. They attacked me my wife and before it happened to my kids my wife left me. And never to see me again.

My parents each own illness left this world and I am all alone now.

So what should I do my friends I am 45 years old and I am wondering if this is worth it.

Kindest regards,

Eladio

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Last edited by captaineo; Apr 12, 2021 at 01:28 AM.. Reason: I need advice my dear friends
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Heart Apr 12, 2021 at 02:02 PM
  #2
I'm so sorry, captaineo. God bless you. Maybe it would help a little bit to see a grief counselor/therapist for a while? Maybe a grief support group, where you can feel understood & help each other? I wish & hope for some new source of strength & comfort for you. Try to hang on until you feel stronger & more hopeful, ok?

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Default Apr 28, 2021 at 02:58 AM
  #3
As a black person, I understand your feelings about race. I do also believe that this world was indeed built for white people, and for someone with anxiety like me--it's making it harder to cope.
I do not understand the weight of losing a loved-one like you did, but as Breaking Dawn mentions above, a grief support group sounds like a good start.
I am sorry.
You deserve love and happiness just like everyone else.
Sending you love and support
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Default Apr 28, 2021 at 02:41 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cestdidie View Post
As a black person, I understand your feelings about race. I do also believe that this world was indeed built for white people, and for someone with anxiety like me--it's making it harder to cope.
I do not understand the weight of losing a loved-one like you did, but as Breaking Dawn mentions above, a grief support group sounds like a good start.
I am sorry.
You deserve love and happiness just like everyone else.
Sending you love and support
Dear @Cestdidie, You are a beautiful person! I'm so glad you decided to join us in these Forums. We need people like you! Thank you so much for being with us!

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Default Apr 29, 2021 at 01:59 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
Dear @Cestdidie, You are a beautiful person! I'm so glad you decided to join us in these Forums. We need people like you! Thank you so much for being with us!
Thank you for this warm welcome I am so happy to have find this place I also sense your beautiful soul through your writings
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Default Apr 29, 2021 at 12:17 PM
  #6
Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean a lot to me. Coming to Japan to study was a dream and I gave it all to succeed, but the seasonal frenzies of the gaijin (outsider) and plus my skin color, just wore me down little by little and became depressed and with anxiety disorder person, who was then left by wife and cannot see my kids anymore. Though I am here, in hopes that my kids grow up and look for me. I will be here close by. I tried lawyers and lost a lot of money trying everything to get them back. And now again I am trying again. I wish I was Ghons who has so many connections and so much financial resources so I could take my kids and go somewhere else and start again, like Alaska, or Patagonia, some remote area .... but reality is very different ... at least dreaming is still free , they cannot rob me of that

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