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Old 03-20-2021, 02:48 PM   #1
Melodidy
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Default Mother Figure Obsession

Ever since I was young. I would always obsess over female teachers who appeared strong,smart and motherly especially towards me. Growing up i didnt get to experience motherly love. So i find myself searching for a 'woman' who will fulfill this desier. This have always ended in me getting hurt or misinterpreting the actions of these women. I did that too in highschool in college i did that and now with my coworkers am still doing it. Its like no matter how hard i try i will still find someone who will make me obsess over them. I dont usually act on it. I just obsess from a distance because there's nothing i frar more than rejection. I find my self obsessing over fictional characters too. Oh God i feel like a freak. I didnt realise the effects of it before but now I do. I was afraid and very ashamed because ive always thought i was alone but after finding some related searches i feel better. If any of you have gone through this or still going through it. Could you pls recommend me a way to try and overcome this? Its getting tiring and affecting me because i try so hard to please them. NB I dont feel any sexual attraction toward them. Its purely maternal. Thanks.

Last edited by bluekoi; 03-20-2021 at 06:50 PM.. Reason: Amend title
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Old 03-28-2021, 09:53 PM   #2
just2b
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Default Re: Mother Figure Obsession

I am the same way, and find it can happen with any female, co worker, older, younger, an actress, singer whomeever...I have not found a way out of it yet
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Old 04-21-2021, 10:02 AM   #3
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Default Re: Mother Figure Obsession

Yes. This! It is resolved now, for me, thank God. Through therapy. I found someone who would work with me in a reparitive way. To act as a mother figure in as much a way as can be done in a professional manner during twice a week therapy, with outside contact through email and occasional text. It took years. 3 or 4, but we got there and I am so grateful she understood what I needed and helped to provide that. She was a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, a teacher of life, a playmate, a listener, a supporter and generally a 'good enough mother'. We are still working together, on different issues, but this huge gaping hole in my heart and in my life where there should have been the love of a mother is no more. I no longer look at strangers in the street and wonder if they would be my Mum. I no longer fantacise about friends or coworkers being a mother figure. Instead, I have learnt that all people in my life can bring something to the table. I have learnt that by building friendships and hobbies and activities and a life, I can start to fill in this gap and it not be so huge. But the biggest way I overcame it was therapy with a wonderful human being. Ask any questions if you want. Just to add I interviewed about six or seven counsellors before I found a single one who would consider working with me in this way. It isn't common. It is often misunderstood it seems, but wow, is it powerful!!
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Old 04-24-2021, 03:30 PM   #4
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Default Re: Mother Figure Obsession

feel the same way. My T is moving or is in the process and I still do virtural and yet it feels like she is abandoning me. She is fine with emails and texts but over the last 3 years i think she doesnt respond as often, and lately no response I feel as if I am bieing rejected, and while it is not reality it feels that way and i cant help it. it hurts. so I drink and smoke, behaviors that i stopped prior to her and during our therapy. sometimes I think she has no idea how much she means to me. this move is destroying me as it means no in person visits anymore. althoght she is 2 hrs 30 min away. i just sink into my routine and let it ride. in the regret and disconnection stage next will see her on thursday and get the urge to write her and then she will not respond and I will regret and disconnect again.

My mom is unable to be the mom i want her to be while she is looking for her own unconditional love. I call or text her and she does not respond back. just like T. so I am working with two unavailable women. i am learning that I am better off without anyone and need to work hard at being there for only myself and its a lonely road. I need my T to abandone me. I cant leave her first.
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Old 07-08-2021, 07:50 PM   #5
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Old 02-01-2022, 02:47 PM   #6
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Default Re: Mother Figure Obsession

Yes, I've experienced it all my life, too, and relationships with some other women have therefore gone disastrously wrong even still fairly recently with my boss. I'm trying very hard to be my own mother and comfort the little child inside me now. I'm hoping I will succeed. It's difficult but I won't give up and I wish you the strength to persevere as well, Melodidy.
Waterbear, I find your post and recovery inspiring.
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Old 03-25-2022, 09:30 AM   #7
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Default Re: Mother Figure Obsession

I was like this my entire life until, like Waterbear, I reached a point of almost full resolution through therapy. I am very attached to my current therapist, but not so much in a maternal way, more as a companion, which is a total shift for me. But I was totally the same before I did the work - I got attached to teachers, actresses, colleagues etc. It's about unmet needs which can be worked through with a good therapist.
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Old 06-06-2022, 12:15 PM   #8
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Default Re: Mother Figure Obsession

Quote:
Originally Posted by Waterbear View Post
Yes. This! It is resolved now, for me, thank God. Through therapy. I found someone who would work with me in a reparitive way. To act as a mother figure in as much a way as can be done in a professional manner during twice a week therapy, with outside contact through email and occasional text. It took years. 3 or 4, but we got there and I am so grateful she understood what I needed and helped to provide that. She was a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, a teacher of life, a playmate, a listener, a supporter and generally a 'good enough mother'. We are still working together, on different issues, but this huge gaping hole in my heart and in my life where there should have been the love of a mother is no more. I no longer look at strangers in the street and wonder if they would be my Mum. I no longer fantacise about friends or coworkers being a mother figure. Instead, I have learnt that all people in my life can bring something to the table. I have learnt that by building friendships and hobbies and activities and a life, I can start to fill in this gap and it not be so huge. But the biggest way I overcame it was therapy with a wonderful human being. Ask any questions if you want. Just to add I interviewed about six or seven counsellors before I found a single one who would consider working with me in this way. It isn't common. It is often misunderstood it seems, but wow, is it powerful!!
Hi Waterbear, I know this was written quite a while ago now but hoping you are still active. I feel like this is a piece missing from my therapy. My therapist is very caring, kind, empathic and has adjusted her way of working with me slightly over the years to be more relational (so it seems from my view maybe this is a naturally progression of therapy or changes with her that were occurring anyway). Anyway I feel like I'm in a constant state of frustration and longing and I think there are a few things that would change that and result in it being more reparative and a correctective experience whilst also still staying within the boundaries. It's hard to describe exactly what I mean. I really believe this is the way for me but then doubt myself as I am so close sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees. She believes her way is the way and this is just resistance. I understand here approach and why it is so and how it can be helpful for many but beginning to think no longer for me. Had you any bad experiences before you had this T?
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