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Old 09-07-2021, 12:11 PM   #1
RoxanneToto
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Default Self help for attachment issues?

Basically, is there anything I can do to help myself get over my avoidant/preoccupied type attachment disorder? I didnít bond with either of my biological parents - mum was too ill (postpartum depression and bipolar, both developed just after I was born) and my dad wasnít committed to raising me/my sibling either. Both of them seem to have had unresolved trauma, though. I canít blame them for that, and giving me up was for the best.
ButÖ I also donít feel too close to my adoptive family, either. My dad was an alcoholic and also bipolar (different type than my bio mum, didnít know that he had it until after he died, though. I can see the signs looking back. Iím afraid I wasnít very understanding towards him, but I didnít see him as the sick person he was. I grew up only knowing him as an alcoholic and everyone else was trying to get him to stop, but he said he enjoyed it too much, so I also assumed at least some of it was down to choice. Iíve changed my opinion since he died, though). I didnít like his personality, aspects of his attitude or how he treated my mum. He was also inappropriate towards me, but I didnít feel like anyone else, even mum, was going to protect me from that, cos nothing got done when I was vocal about it, so I just started spending more of my free time time alone in my room. Didnít make too many friends during my school/college years, romantic relationships have been mostly confusing, stress-filled train wrecks too lol. For the sake of my sanity, Iím remaining single.
I do feel like I want a change, but Iím not sure how? Part of me says Iím just so tired and want to be left alone, another part knows my isolation had a purpose but didnít help me in the long term. I donít feel like I know how to get close to other people. I donít think I want this for the rest of my life, but Iím struggling to break this wall down.
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Old 09-07-2021, 01:40 PM   #2
unaluna
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Default Re: Self help for attachment issues?

I found the CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect) literature very helpful.
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Old 09-07-2021, 04:39 PM   #3
RoxanneToto
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Default Re: Self help for attachment issues?

Thank you, unaluna! I had seen a checklist for that and identified with a lot of it, so it sounds like it will be useful for me, too.
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Old 09-07-2021, 04:46 PM   #4
unaluna
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Default Re: Self help for attachment issues?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
Thank you, unaluna! I had seen a checklist for that and identified with a lot of it, so it sounds like it will be useful for me, too.
Warning, they voted me off the Couch when i suggested watsername Fisher? 's books. One person even said they buried the book in their backyard. But for me, it was like, oh THATS what was supposed to have happened! I had no idea. Now, my trying to do it feels phony. Altho THIS doesnt feel phony.

Eta - but ive had to work at it not feeling phony. For a long time.
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