[Lexi232]

So.. When I was about 4yr I was taken in for a psych eval. they did many tests to see how long i could sit still. Then said I was either ADD or ADHD (I can't remember, and no one in my family will tell me), Then they prescribed me medicene for it. I thought it was ritalin but it could of been adderal. And I apparently cried the whole 3 days I was on it, and my parents took me off of it refusing any more treatment on it. (and i was a cronic lier as a little kid, and impulsive, and everything happened way before I could think about it. Which i just learned were symptoms of it, I just thought I was the devil child or something. (though a really important person in my life said the person who said that to me was wrong, and believes I'm not) ugh, anyways... it does make sense because my brothers are like that too, and they are ADD or ADHD (one of those)).

Later on in life I was diagnosed with Manic depressive disorder, and a few anxiety disorders. Then as no meds worked they were baffled, and one of the last places I've been to suggested that I had BPD (borderline personality disorder), and the very last place I was at, I found out it was 100 percent correct. Atleast more correct than anything else.

... Thing is... I know this is wrong.. but i did it anyways.
I took a ritalin. (non prescribed to me), and when it started working I was a LOT less stressed for the first time in my life I didn't have to worry, and stress out about staying focused and keeping myself focused, and staying on task. Just doing that drained me pretty much. And I'm happier, and a lot more talkative (may be just from the peping up the med does). And my thoughts are clearer, and more...... flowing (i guess that's the right word to use). I also don't feel the need to push down on the light switch hard even after it's already down, just to know it's down.. the other night I even forced myself to leave it be, and i laid down and felt like everything was gonna crash, or something horrible was gonna happen if I didn't (nothing horrible happend)... My friend says that's OCD, but I don't dare mention it to anyone who could put the label on me. I don't know why that is either, I just am scared of that label I guess...
Lol, the only problem is i'm having issues with multitasking (Usually without the med I muti task a lot on my computer and everything. Sometimes forgetting and not getting around to one of them or more during the time)(Like 7 to 9 things going on at once on my computer).

Could the diagnosis I had as a child be right?
Is it possible to have both that and BPD?
What would happen if I got a prescription for ritalin, and I took it on a every day basis; would it affect me diffrently?
How do they test in adults for ADD/ADHD?
Would a psychiatrist prescribe it just by what I've detailed?

My worst fear is, I'll be prescribed it, then I wont be allowed to stop it when I think I need to. (I've had that issue with past medicene), and I don't want to be forced to take it... if that makes any sense at all..
Would they not force me to continue it if I wanted to stop it? (They being the doctors).

I don't even have an intake thing until the 29th, then if they deem fit I will be given an appointment for psychiatrist (which i'm supposed to be taking cymbalta, and even if i were I would run out before they got me in. I haven't taken it for 3 months (and took it only for 2 weeks prior to stoping it myself) so I think they will send me to a psychiatrist because i am supposed to be on an antidepressant.) (*trying to justify it* I am not depressed enough to need it. when it starts messing with my ability to go out of my room without crying, now that is when i see I should take it.- ugh, sorry for rambling on..)

[lifelesstraveled]

(((Lexi)))

I dont have an answer for you for this, sorry.

I know the wait will seem forever, but you will begin to find the answers to your questions during/after your intake. It will take some time.

For me, it has taken almost a year to clear up some issues I have been having and once the clouds parted (depression), my T and med specialist were able to see that the possibility of AD/HD could be another reason for my struggles. I have yet to be diagnosed, as it is proving to be difficult to find someone to diagnose an ADULT.

It's just a matter of time and patience. You will find the answers to your questions.

- LLT

[Lexi232]

Thank you *hugs*

[lifelesstraveled]

Let us know how things go!