[concernedsister]

Hello I am new to this and I really need some advice. First of all I'll give a little bit about who I'll be talking about, she is 9 yrs old and she is really my neice. My parents adopted her when my brother was in prison for drugs. Her mother signed her away to my parents after she was called my DCFS for not taking care of her. Everything started getting worst for my sister at age 5 or so. My parents sat her down and told her that she was adopted and just nicely as nicely as they could explain that my brother and her mother could not take care of her and give her wants she needs. Ever since then I think it's getting worst especially for her depression that she was diagnosed with at age 4, she is also diagnosed with ADHD and has seen psychiatrists and has also been on Aderall. My parents had taken her off of the medicine for some reason which I thought was not a smart move. Now I am 25 and my parents are in their 50's so I can only imagine how they don't understand if she does not get help that she is either going to turn to drugs or other things that are going to hurt her or could even end up harming my parents. I am desperate to help my parents but I feel like I'm butting in half the time. My mother cries all the time and my father well he's just plain angry. I'll tell you about the story tonight...... My parents were taking a trip to Florida and I asked my sister if she would want to stay at our house the week that they would be gone and she said yes and came over tonight about 6ish. Well she knew my parents were not gone yet so about 9:30 she started this huge fiasco of wanting to call my mom and said over and over like "rainman" i want to go home. It got to the point that I let her call my mom and then it was weird she was fine again and wanted to stay. So I stayed up with her and talked to her and she acted like she was fine. So I end up going to bed about midnight and it wasn't 1 hour and she started yelling my name over and over and I would say just go to bed and then she came to the front of my door and started screaming (mind you I have 2 kids 2 and 6 trying to sleep and my husband that has to get up at 4:30am) So I just nicely say you can't go home and you can't call mom b/c they are gone (knowing that they weren't really gone) I bet you she had to say I want to go home over 100 times and would cry and have outrages of screaming and telling me she hates me and she hated my husband. She also lashed out and clawed my husband's arm and kicked him and also got in his face and screamed. I felt like I was dealing with someone posessed and I'm not making this a joke. She also told me this " I've hit mom before and I can choke you guys" Now that one started getting me scared. Not only that but she ran to our front door unlocked it and ran outside screaming that she wanted to go home. Well we brought her in and my husband was talking to her and she went to kick him and he put his hand up and started pushing saying I'm stronger then you and she started laughing, it was a scary thing to see a little girl screaming and not even crying anymore b/c she would yawn every 20 minutes of being tired and then she would start laughing and be fine. It got to the poing that I tried calling my mom and they were asleep so I just packed up her stuff and told her to get in the car and then she started telling me NO and I said how are we going to get home then so then she ran to the car and once she was in there she was a whole different girl asking me what time it was and wanted to talk like nothing was wrong. So I just lost it went I got in my car and started crying b/c my parents needed a break. She needs help but I feel like she's not going to get any, what do I do? I'm afraid that she's going to try to hurt my parents. She talks about how everyone hates her and she's even talked about hurting herself for god sake she's only 9 yrs old. I'm scared and that's all I can say. I'm sorry this was so long but I had to let my feelings out and talk to someone about this so for anyone reading this Thankyou!!!!

[shadowdancer]

wow. this sounds rough.

it sounds like she needs to be in regular continuous therapy and back on some sort of calming medication. from what you've said, it doesn't sound like ADHD is her problem. i could be wrong though. it sounds like she desperately needs/wants attention...and that could come from getting a lack of it from her birth parents. it could also be that she saw your parents' trip as abandonment and it scared her. it could be many things. she needs to see a competent psychologist who can correctly diagnose her and talk with her to find out the problem. my best wishes for you and your family and parents... i hope this poor little girl gets the help she needs soon.

((((((((((concernedsister)))))))))))))

PM me anytime if you need/want to talk.

-shadow

[concernedsister]

Thanks so much for the nice things you said and thanks for the hug. All day today I've just been in a real sad mood.

[Junerain]

dear concernedsister,

You are in my prayers, I can tell by the way you wrote out everything how you feel, you feel so strongly for this little girl. I, too care for a little girl who everyone says'.....she'll end up on drugs...or worse...she'll end up pregnant..' these comments hurt me, I still have hope and you, too, seem to have hope and I admire that in you. I agree she needs help yet I do not agree to blame her caregivers I believe it's chemical. She will be in your life forever and deserves a shot at some good care. Don't just go to any child psychiatrist try & try till you find the perfect one. I will be praying for you, and this little girl is lucky to have you.

[CompGeek]

I think that you should talk to your parents about her and maybe also her therapist. Has she had episodes like this before? the acting out when she was at your house may be because of a feeling of abandonment that she may unconsciously have. She may have repressed memories of her biological mother and father giving her up. The acting out may have been a defense mechanism (an unconscious act/behavior that reduces stress). Or it could be something completly different. I would talk with your parents to see if she has had episodes such as this before and then alert her theapist to the behavior that she demonstrated.
Hope every thing works out,
Jason

[whwilson]

I agree with the others, I think she needs to have regular psychiatric care. My daughter has ADHD and when she was on Aderol she was a mess, she wouldn't sleep and was very mean, that may be why your parents chose to take her off of it. When my daughter was on no meds, she was similar to the behavor you are talking about except she couldn't talk. I had to be careful with my other children because when she would get frustrated or angry she would attack them. My one year old would have bruses on her arms and bumps on her head from her sister pushing her and such. It was horrible and I felt like it was never going to stop. I convinced the doc to put her a stimulant (Dexadrine) because it helped her slow down, but it also made her not sleep and eat. I also had him start her on an antipsychotic (Resperidone) that would help her sleep at night, make her eat, and balance out her moods so that she was not so grumpy and iritable. It isn't a perfect solution but with a strict schedule and routine our life is a lot easier. It seems that with children with ADHD they do much better when they have a schedule and routine because even though they make feel mixed up or out of control they know that they can depend on knowing what is going to happen next. I am not a doctor but a loving mom hoping to help. Take Care