Spouse vs ADHD

Wow Meta - you have a lot going on in your relationship, so much of it is good yet the paradoxes must be puzzling even to you. I'd love to talk with you more about this. You definitely seem as though you have a good handle on the issues and can see things from both perspectives. Hang in there...

(ps - anyone seen Logan lately?! )

I am alive and waiting for the arrival of my son. The wife gets enduced tomorrow. Let the sleepless nights begin!! Of course, I have a freaking tooth ache and I have to go get it taken care of today. It's infected and it's making me sick.

Well, I tried to read all of your posts, it's too freakin early to try to digest anything mentally.

gtrplayr-Now that I think of it, I pretty much only get offended when I am off the meds--like at 930 at night after a long day and the meds have worn off. Also I am trying the meds on a 3 days on, and 3 day off schedule-it's a money saver and I am trying to avoid any tolerance developing. And I think it is on the three days off that I just can't take it.
Maybe I need the weekdays on and weekends off schedule. I'd appreciate any input.
On a lighter but stranger note, I told my husband about this thread and I wanted him to read it and the articles. He said, "I didn't know you had ADD." What? I had told him about it two months ago when I got the diagnosis and the Focalin. He was with me both times when we drove thru the drive thru pharmacy and he had to ask for both of the Focalin prescriptions by name. He agreed with me that I am doing much better when I went to my most recent 2 pdoc appts and that's what I told the psych nurse. I can only attribute his statement to him working 3rd shift on weekends. He is exhausted on Sunday nights but won't go to bed. But I am still somewhat flabbergasted !?!(no meds yesterday or today YET-I plan to get off and take them now.)

Logan, prayers and good thoughts coming your way.

Cheers everybody! Drop by to see me back at SQUARE ONE.
Meta

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He said, "I didn't know you had ADD."

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omg

(ps - I think your 3/3 schedule is pretty smart, btw)

LMO,
I loved your little icon! You are great! Thanks for all the support and feedback.

Meta

Meta, I do the meds as needed but if I go too long, I find out about the as needed part soon enough! People tell me I'm forgetting things, disorganized...all I really have to do is look at my desk!
If it's turned into a jumbly mess, I have to go back on.
I think one day on, one day off is the right mix for me.
On another strange similar note, I challenged my wife about exactly what concessions or even acknowledgement has she made about my ADD and she said "I think you use it as a crutch" arrrgghhhh....talk about spouses without a clue

gtrplayer,

My wife uses my gift (ADHD) as a way to label me in a bad way. Lately, I have been giving her some reads on ADHD and dropping some hints that she needs to really know the true me. She thinks, sometimes, it was a mistake that she married a person with ADHD. Geeeeee, talk about being hormonal in the ninth month of pregnancy. I couldn't tell you what that does to person on the inside, but it burns. One of the greatest traits, about myself, that I have discovered in my life is that I am very persistent. I never given up on things, that would be a quality trait of having ADHD. Lately, I just learned to tune out the wife's hormonal banter and try to turn things around and make things in a positive way. Trust me, coming from a person with ADHD, I do have my days that I look at myself and ask why in the hell did I do that. Luckily, for me I have been starting to realize and catch myself before I do anything out of control.

Hopefully, I didn't offend anybody in regard's to the hormonal banter statement. I do realize that a pregnancy can be very tough and it takes a lot of will and desire on both parts to make sure it goes smoothly. But, kudos to you mom's out there, after witnessing and living with a preggy woman, I have better undstandment of what type of things that ya'll go through. Besides that, I learned how to duck a lot faster when things are getting thrown at me. That's when I deserve it.

The days are counting until the birth of my son.

Later,
KJ (btw) Logan is my dog's name, who is my pal (hunting buddy) through this pregnancy.

KJ, your situation sounds a lot like mine especially
"I do have my days that I look at myself and ask why in the hell did I do that." Those days for me are only when I take Concerta.
I wonder if the Straterra is working for you?

You know, I got to wonder about my very mixed days. Good on the days I take Focalin. Not so good the other days. I have been doing 3 on, 3 off. I am going to talk to my pdoc again. I don't want to become an amphetamine addict, but I need more of the good days when I am focused and calm. The days off have been better than I used to be, but not enough. Is strattera the nonamphetamine, maybe that would work?

While mostly I have seen improvement and more organization etc, I think the "bad" days are pulling me down overall.

Meta

The straterra works for me, but there are times that I wonder. I have been taking it for over a year and I am thinking about asking for a higher dose.

KJ, i know your baby is on the way, but in case you read this, I can't help but feel the strattera is not doing its job...or has stopped working.
Haver you ever tried the stimulant meds? I have researched this stuff for years and along with my docs, and we both agree nothing works as welll as the stimulant meds for pure ADD symptons, especially ADHD.
Strattera has a side effect of reducing ADD symtpoms, it's not primarily a ADD drug due to its SSRI connection. (Jerry correct me if I'm wrong)

Strattera, works for me, but I have to remember to take it when I get up and at lunch time. Or else, I will begin to drift. It works for me, but that suprises me that it doesn't for you. Hmmmm If you ever read, "Delivered From Distraction" written by Rattey and Howell? In their book, they give an impression that one drug just isn't for everybody. If I remember correctly, they indicate that some individuals take a combination of meds to control their gift.

Another thing that really curbs the mental relapses, is excercise. Hopefully, ya'll with ADHD gets in an hour excercise in a day. It is noted that it is a natural way of stimulating the mind. For me, it works, I have numerous outlets to do: run, lift, hunt and Rugby (my crutch for 15 years). But, there will be a change with the baby coming up and also hernia surgery. I look at this way, it's just bump ( a good one I might add) in the road that I'll get through one way or another.

gtrplayer, have you tried Adderal? I have heard that it works. Just remember, not all ADHD meds work the same for everybody.

My husband has been driving me crazy......but that has been going on for over the 30 years we have been married. After he lost his job & ended up being the end of his career, I thought he was going through the same depression I was going through when I lost my engineering career after 15 years. My pdoc was willing to treat him along with my psychologist. They thought if they could treat him, they would be helping me with my problems. Over the several years that he was unemployed, he was denied disability & instead of going after it, he said he wasn't depressed & wasn't disabled so he wouldn't go after the disability. He had always lived in his own world but there were times when I was actually wondering if he wasn't dealing with the beginnings of altzhiemers. He was always forgetting things & losing things. I could tell him something one day & by the next it was as if I hadn't said anything. He has gotten to the point where he is like a child & can only do things that have become a pattern & if something new is thrown at him, he doesn't know what to do. It wasn't until a few weeks ago at my pdoc appointment that he suggested that my husband may be dealing with adult ADD. He is starting up a clinical trial, treating adult ADD. He gave me a form for my husband to fill out & when we took it to my psychologist (to pass on to my pdoc), he looked it over & said that it does look like it might me adult ADD.

I would love to think that it might be adult ADD rather than the possibility of the beginnings of altzheimers. I know that his actions make me so mad. When it feels like I am being ignored, I get very angry. When I have to comtinually tell him the same thing over & over, I get very angry. When he asks me questions that he should know the answers to, I get very angry. I don't want to be his mother & that is exactly what it feels like. I have since done some internet research on adult ADD. I do know that medication can help & it also requires therapy for him to learn how to deal with being in real life given the fact that ADD is effecting it. The main thing I expect out of him is that he gets the treatment that will help him & also he needs to take the therapy seriously & work on being able to live his daily life in the world that is around him without using the ADD as an excuse to continue living in his own world. I will not be expecting anything more out of him than he has expected out of my treatment for my depression, anxiety, & the PTSD I am now going through. I know that he just blew off the therapy when he was dealing with the depression, so he better not blow this off once we know what we are dealing with. Being tolerant is much easier when I see that he is taking the situation seriously & really working on understanding his situation. It is then alot easier to stop the anger at that point, but when he refuses to take the situation seriously & blows off any help, that is the point where I tend to take it all personally & loose my temper.

Debbie

wow eskie, i hear a lot of similarities with my life, however i didn't have the shock of losing my job.
That's the big one right there and really needs special treatment. His self esteem is greatly threatened right now.
I would suggest he get treatment for add and you realize he does not use add as an excuse not to do things, at least i don't, but spouses tend to look at it that way.
It's no different than telling someone to stop staying in bed all day, snap out of that depression...it doesn't work.
ADD symptoms are very ingrained into a persons mind and are truly not recognized by the afflicted person.
Marriage counselling would be helpful also, as it is helping me.

I also agree w/eskie, my wife is going nuts over the fact that she deals with someone who has ADHD. I can't help it, that how I am and that's how things are. But, blowing off treatment is not good. You could educate yourself on ADHD through the channels of the web and relay it to your husband. That might work? Also, seeing a psych who has great knowledge of Aduld ADHD (the gift) would be a great benefit. I bid you luck!!!!

KJ

I guess i am coming from the nagging wife angle. My husband suffers from ADD. i don't mean to nag at him but i do. I am trying to figure out different more constructive ways to express how i feel. I also know it is not my place to “remind” of anything or get him up in the morning or get his medication. I never say “get it together” or “god, you and your ADD” and i don't even think that. I usually truly want to help him out cause i love him a ton and hope he would do the same for me.

So i am gotten used to the idea that I will always have to help him out but i don't know how to communicate with him my needs. I have problems listening to him because the medication he takes makes him very mellow. So i think he is not serious about telling me what he wants and i continue to tell him or nag at him about what i want. We get into a fight and it is so lame. Our communication was not like this until after he started taking the medication.

hi