[nosleepsinceapril]

I have adult ADHD. I manage myself well enough and have been able to maintain steady relationships without forgetting things, paying twice as hard to concentrate, etc. I managed to improve my career with this, even work in Project Management which involves a a lot of organizational skills. I still suffer from lack of concentration, occasional depression.

I met this girl a year ago and we had chemistry, the first one in my life and we were chatting online before we started going out. She always seems a little bit too cautious while chatting but eventually we started going out and we became very close.

She suddenly started drifting away. Though, she sent me a text message saying she was in awe of me and never thought she have a chance with me. I was totally dumfounded as to why she would feel this way but when I asked if I could be with her instead she said "perhaps someday" which was acceptable to me.

Either way, we spend the night together somewhere for my birthday, alone together and tipsy. She then starts persistently asking me if "I've found that special someone". I refuse to answer initially and but then answer her. She starts crying while saying "you'll find someone else, you'll find someone else". We end up snuggling the night through. She wakes up to goes to the bathroom in between and talks to me normally but at dawn tells me that she can't remember a thing. In the early hours just before dawn, I see her covering her face with a blanket and mumbling stuff to herself awake.

I try to reach out to her about it but she blocked me. We didn't see each other as much over a few months, and I thought we completely drifted apart. But then she gets tipsy alone with me again and does something similar, almost crying. This time, when I confront her, she remembers asking me but changes the context completely and avoids it again.I can't get any answers from her and have been so confused for months.

I saw her again few days ago, again drinking together but not alone. I tell her both stories but in the context of "another girl" and she reacts very positively. She says that that girl has deep feelings for you but then says maybe that girl is meant to be alone. I later told her that she is that girl, and well some other nasty things when drunk. I apologized once I saw that message when I woke up but I haven't heard from her since. I've sent her nasty texts just out of frustration before and always apologized for it. She always replies eventually.

I talked to friend about all of this and he immediately suspected that she may have adult ADHD as well, since he has experience with a relation that is diagnosed with it but he's no professional. He then pointed out things like self-sabotage in relationships - which I have experience doing. She also always say she has 'static'. I even once tried telling her that she may have ADHD but she rubbished it.

Her traits are: avoiding me confronting her about her actions towards me, constant 'static', very late replies of simple texts (days) - sometimes at odd hours when most people are sleeping - always apologizes for it btu never changes, completely blanks out anything she can't seem to handle - forgets it.

So:

1. I need help managing my emotions around her now. Can't stop thinking of her the whole day. Lost of appetite. Quite depressed. Drugs preferably the last options.
2. I easily accepted that I had ADHD coz I knew there was something wrong, since I couldn't maintain concentration, and relationships were self-sabotaged. How do I get her to at least get tested, or at least accept that she could have it. Coz she ridiculously difficult. Then again, so am I guess.
3. I feel that she loves me and for some reason doesn't feel that she worthy of me. But I also accept the fact that I may have got this wrong. I don't think so tho. My friend asked me if I really love her which I do, so I wanna hang on to her coz I've never felt his way about anyone else. He then encourage me to continue to show love and support for her. But am I wrong here in doing this- hanging on to her? I've let her go but she always does something sweet for me, and shows strong affection when drunk and alone, then completely avoids it next day.

Anyways, I need guidance here. I understand that this is a forum for support and well. And I think I need help first before I do anything for her. And thanks for reading this all the way.

[Travelinglady]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central! You might try posting about this topic either in the Relationships forum or in the Partners and Caregivers forum.